Most people I've talked with agree that 2009 has been a pretty crappy year. I agree. While my misfortune has not been of the financial sort, those of you who know me very well know that the Angells have had a number of setbacks this year. When the ball drops tonight I will be gladly bidding good riddance to one of the worst years of my life. (It's at least in my top two.)
But, this year I'm not just saying goodbye to my crappy year. I'm also choosing to let it all go. I'm taking a crisp white sheet of paper and writing down all of the things burdening my heart. Then I'm going to take a match to that sucker and send it up in smoke.
Sure last year stunk it up. Can I change it? Nope! So, what can I do? I can change today, tomorrow and every day after that. I know that my initial post said that my One Year to Lose One Hundred Pounds would start on the 11th. Pardon my language here.... but screw that. I'm ready to go now. It's on like donkey kong. I don't need to wait. I've spent this past week getting my mind right and it's ready to go. I don't have to have my pantry cleaned out and restocked or my exercise room cleaned up to get started. It's part of the process, not contigent upon beginning the process.
Tonight I leave my past behind. Tomorrow, is the first day of the rest of my life. What will you do with the first day of the rest of your life? I want to know.
Happy New Year!
Margaret
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
The Honeymoon Phase
It's pretty safe to say that I'm in the "Honeymoon" phase of this journey. My decision to lose 100 pounds is sort of like a new toy with a fresh set of batteries. I'm trying to be realistic without raining on my own parade yet I can't help but feel excited.
Mostly, I'm excited because it's only three days into my prep phase and I already feel so much better. All I've done is cut out processed junk and increase my water intake. It's remarkable how such small changes can make a huge difference. There's a little part of me that angry with myself for waiting so long. I "know" the right things to do. I "know" they'll make me feel better.
Our road trip today was pretty comical. My newfound relationship with water forced us to stop no less than 7 times during our 500 plus mile journey. I have become very familiar with the rest areas in Tennessee, Kentucky and Ohio. Tennessee rest areas are the best. Kentucky rest areas are the absolute worst!
Cheers!
Margaret
Mostly, I'm excited because it's only three days into my prep phase and I already feel so much better. All I've done is cut out processed junk and increase my water intake. It's remarkable how such small changes can make a huge difference. There's a little part of me that angry with myself for waiting so long. I "know" the right things to do. I "know" they'll make me feel better.
Our road trip today was pretty comical. My newfound relationship with water forced us to stop no less than 7 times during our 500 plus mile journey. I have become very familiar with the rest areas in Tennessee, Kentucky and Ohio. Tennessee rest areas are the best. Kentucky rest areas are the absolute worst!
Cheers!
Margaret
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
The "D" Word
Every nutrition and fitness expert out there will tell you that Diets don't work. They are right. I've tried them all. They don't work.
Why? Because the word Diet implies that it's temporary. It's something you do for a little while and then it's over. It's like "lent"... a period of "sacrifice". At the end you go back to living your life the way you always have. Then, when you've gained back all of the 30 lbs. you've lost plus another 25 you're left thinking WTF?
Here's how my diets usually go. On Day One, I'm perfect alll day. I eat like a bunny. Then, I get home and it all falls apart. I'm ravenous. All I can think about is that can of Pringles on the counter... The Fritos and Onion Dip... mayble I'll have some cheese... I think about everything I've told myself is "off limits". I go to bed feeling defeated and guilty. I tell myself "This is too hard". Then, about two weeks before some big event I find myself panicking because I have to attend as my fat self and not the skinny self I dreamed of being.
Sound familiar? It's happened to me a million times. But, not last night! It was different. I mean truly different.
Perhaps it was the knowledge that I would have to account for my foibles here today. It could be the fact that I've designated this week and next as prep weeks and the pressure is off. Or, a combination of the two. Whatever it is, it seems to have clicked.
Last night I got home and I didn't immediately head for the kitchen. I didn't eat everything in sight. I didn't feel deprived. I didn't feel as if anything was off limits. And, believe me, there is a lot of temptation in my house right now. My husband gave me a wonderful array of goodies in my stocking and I didn't want any of it. We went to the movies and he dug right into a bag of chocolate covered almonds and I didn't want any.
So what has changed? I walk the same. I dress the same. I look the same. I'm not taking any magic pills. So, really? What is it?
For the first time, I'm really looking at this as a lifestyle change. It's time to face some hard facts. Fertility treatments left my body a wreck and it was no prize before. I've endured surgery, hormones, heartbreak and weight gain. Add to this other pre-existing issues which include high cholesterol (225); PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome); Insulin Resistance; and Hypothyroidism. I am on prescription medication to manage My thyroid condition, an anti-depressant which keeps me sane, and a different medicine to manage the PCOS. But, let's be real. It's Metformin which is used for diabetes. If not for the PCOS, I'm sure my diabetes indicators would be much higher and I would likely be taking this medication anyway. Try getting a decent Life Insurance rate with all of these issues.
I'm 42 years old and for the first time in my life, I actually "feel" my age. I hate saying that because my friends will tell you that I pride myself on being youthful. 2009 kicked my ass. I feel like I've aged 5 years this year and I'm pretty ticked off about it.
Family and friends have all logged on to facebook and sent me emails encouraging me. One friend in particular said "I hope you know that you are beautiful just the way you are". And, I do know this. But, I'm not healthy. I'm not doing this because I have some deep seeded desire to be a super model. I just want to be around for a while.
Update on Yesterday's Goals
I did drink my gallon of water. I've spent a lot of time in the "facilities" as a result. I know this will improve. But, I'm not looking forward to the nearly 9 hour drive ahead of me tomorrow. Normally, I'd avoid drinking water on a long trip. Not this time. I hope there are plenty of rest stops along the way! :) My pantry will have to wait til I get back. I can't wait to post about that one. I opened the door last night and it's a wreck. My friends Jon and Brian would break out into OCD hives if they saw how messy it is. They are perhaps the two most orderly people I know. My husband used to be like them, but I broke him. Sorry honey. :)
Cheers!
Margaret
Why? Because the word Diet implies that it's temporary. It's something you do for a little while and then it's over. It's like "lent"... a period of "sacrifice". At the end you go back to living your life the way you always have. Then, when you've gained back all of the 30 lbs. you've lost plus another 25 you're left thinking WTF?
Here's how my diets usually go. On Day One, I'm perfect alll day. I eat like a bunny. Then, I get home and it all falls apart. I'm ravenous. All I can think about is that can of Pringles on the counter... The Fritos and Onion Dip... mayble I'll have some cheese... I think about everything I've told myself is "off limits". I go to bed feeling defeated and guilty. I tell myself "This is too hard". Then, about two weeks before some big event I find myself panicking because I have to attend as my fat self and not the skinny self I dreamed of being.
Sound familiar? It's happened to me a million times. But, not last night! It was different. I mean truly different.
Perhaps it was the knowledge that I would have to account for my foibles here today. It could be the fact that I've designated this week and next as prep weeks and the pressure is off. Or, a combination of the two. Whatever it is, it seems to have clicked.
Last night I got home and I didn't immediately head for the kitchen. I didn't eat everything in sight. I didn't feel deprived. I didn't feel as if anything was off limits. And, believe me, there is a lot of temptation in my house right now. My husband gave me a wonderful array of goodies in my stocking and I didn't want any of it. We went to the movies and he dug right into a bag of chocolate covered almonds and I didn't want any.
So what has changed? I walk the same. I dress the same. I look the same. I'm not taking any magic pills. So, really? What is it?
For the first time, I'm really looking at this as a lifestyle change. It's time to face some hard facts. Fertility treatments left my body a wreck and it was no prize before. I've endured surgery, hormones, heartbreak and weight gain. Add to this other pre-existing issues which include high cholesterol (225); PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome); Insulin Resistance; and Hypothyroidism. I am on prescription medication to manage My thyroid condition, an anti-depressant which keeps me sane, and a different medicine to manage the PCOS. But, let's be real. It's Metformin which is used for diabetes. If not for the PCOS, I'm sure my diabetes indicators would be much higher and I would likely be taking this medication anyway. Try getting a decent Life Insurance rate with all of these issues.
I'm 42 years old and for the first time in my life, I actually "feel" my age. I hate saying that because my friends will tell you that I pride myself on being youthful. 2009 kicked my ass. I feel like I've aged 5 years this year and I'm pretty ticked off about it.
Family and friends have all logged on to facebook and sent me emails encouraging me. One friend in particular said "I hope you know that you are beautiful just the way you are". And, I do know this. But, I'm not healthy. I'm not doing this because I have some deep seeded desire to be a super model. I just want to be around for a while.
Update on Yesterday's Goals
I did drink my gallon of water. I've spent a lot of time in the "facilities" as a result. I know this will improve. But, I'm not looking forward to the nearly 9 hour drive ahead of me tomorrow. Normally, I'd avoid drinking water on a long trip. Not this time. I hope there are plenty of rest stops along the way! :) My pantry will have to wait til I get back. I can't wait to post about that one. I opened the door last night and it's a wreck. My friends Jon and Brian would break out into OCD hives if they saw how messy it is. They are perhaps the two most orderly people I know. My husband used to be like them, but I broke him. Sorry honey. :)
Cheers!
Margaret
Monday, December 28, 2009
Dear Butter
I'm writing to tell you that I think we should just be friends. After years of co-dependency, I believe that I'm better off with Brummel & Brown.
Ours was a passionate affair. You made everything from popcorn to pop tarts taste better. I helped automate the Purity Dairy plant with my purchases and what did I get in return? In our time together I've watched my waistline spread and my chin go double.... ok maybe even triple if I laugh too hard. My Cholesterol numbers have soared right along with the scale.
Alas sweet butter, you are no good for me. Can we just be friends? I'm not cutting you completely out of my life lest you become a stalker and then I may have to go cold turkey. But, it's definitely time to set some boundaries. I'll set aside one day a week for visitation. But, I can really only take you in small doses like a "pat" here and there and not by the Tablespoon.
Please know that my potatoes will never be the same. Your decadent and tasty companionship has meant a lot to me. I wish I could say "it's not you, it's me". But, seriously, have you read your nutrition facts? It is you! You're no good for me. My heart literally can't take it anymore.
Be well my yummy friend and if you can find a way to taste wonderful without adding any saturated fat into my new lifestyle, give me a call. Otherwise, let's just be penpals.
Love,
Margaret
Ours was a passionate affair. You made everything from popcorn to pop tarts taste better. I helped automate the Purity Dairy plant with my purchases and what did I get in return? In our time together I've watched my waistline spread and my chin go double.... ok maybe even triple if I laugh too hard. My Cholesterol numbers have soared right along with the scale.
Alas sweet butter, you are no good for me. Can we just be friends? I'm not cutting you completely out of my life lest you become a stalker and then I may have to go cold turkey. But, it's definitely time to set some boundaries. I'll set aside one day a week for visitation. But, I can really only take you in small doses like a "pat" here and there and not by the Tablespoon.
Please know that my potatoes will never be the same. Your decadent and tasty companionship has meant a lot to me. I wish I could say "it's not you, it's me". But, seriously, have you read your nutrition facts? It is you! You're no good for me. My heart literally can't take it anymore.
Be well my yummy friend and if you can find a way to taste wonderful without adding any saturated fat into my new lifestyle, give me a call. Otherwise, let's just be penpals.
Love,
Margaret
ONE year... ONE Hundred Pounds
I've made a decision. It's not a decision that I take lightly because I've made similar decisions many many times over the years. I've been pondering this decision for days. I even faltered last night and thought to myself "you're crazy" this will never happen. I'm even afraid to tell my family and friends because I find myself feeling like the little boy who cried "Wolf".
Nevertheless, I've made my decision. I'm giving myself ONE year to lose ONE HUNDRED pounds. It's a BIG number. It scares the crap out of me. And, I'm not one hundred percent confident in my ability to achieve it. But, I "see" it in my future vision. I've never been able to do that before. Now... the easy stuff is out of the way. (I almost said hard stuff, but we all know that's not true.) I know enough about myself that I won't make it if I focus on the big number so my first order of business is to focus on a small number.. a manageble number... a number that doesn't scare the beeejeeezus out of me.
12 Weeks... 25 pounds. (Starting January 8th)
My goals for the first 12 weeks are as follows:
I will post all of my stats on January 8th. This week and next are prep in nature. I'm leaving Wednesday to visit friends in Ohio for a huge New Years Eve Party weekend. I'm not unrealistic here. While it will be a last hooray of sorts, it will not be a hedonistic food & alcohol bender. New Year's Eve will be my free day. The other days I will exercise moderation.
My goal coming back from this weekend is NOT to weigh anymore than I do today which is horrific because it's 7 pounds more than I weighed two weeks ago. (How does that happen?)Just to keep it real... My current weight is 249. I will honestly post my weight here on January 4th. God help me.
This week's goals
Margaret
"Save your strength for the things you can change and forgive the ones you can't" -- Zac Brown Band
Nevertheless, I've made my decision. I'm giving myself ONE year to lose ONE HUNDRED pounds. It's a BIG number. It scares the crap out of me. And, I'm not one hundred percent confident in my ability to achieve it. But, I "see" it in my future vision. I've never been able to do that before. Now... the easy stuff is out of the way. (I almost said hard stuff, but we all know that's not true.) I know enough about myself that I won't make it if I focus on the big number so my first order of business is to focus on a small number.. a manageble number... a number that doesn't scare the beeejeeezus out of me.
12 Weeks... 25 pounds. (Starting January 8th)
My goals for the first 12 weeks are as follows:
- Within 12 weeks I will lose 25 lbs.
- Within 12 weeks I will improve my fitness level to the point where I can run a mile without seeing "stars", tossing my cookies, or wishing my knees were made of titanium.
- Within 12 weeks I will reduce my cholesterol by 25 points.
I will post all of my stats on January 8th. This week and next are prep in nature. I'm leaving Wednesday to visit friends in Ohio for a huge New Years Eve Party weekend. I'm not unrealistic here. While it will be a last hooray of sorts, it will not be a hedonistic food & alcohol bender. New Year's Eve will be my free day. The other days I will exercise moderation.
My goal coming back from this weekend is NOT to weigh anymore than I do today which is horrific because it's 7 pounds more than I weighed two weeks ago. (How does that happen?)Just to keep it real... My current weight is 249. I will honestly post my weight here on January 4th. God help me.
This week's goals
- Water - 128 ounces a day... that's a gallon people! I'm sure I'll be blogging from the ladies room before it's all over.
- Pantry - Clean that sucker out and get rid of all the junk!
Margaret
"Save your strength for the things you can change and forgive the ones you can't" -- Zac Brown Band
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