The "D" Word

Every nutrition and fitness expert out there will tell you that Diets don't work. They are right. I've tried them all. They don't work.

Why? Because the word Diet implies that it's temporary. It's something you do for a little while and then it's over. It's like "lent"... a period of "sacrifice". At the end you go back to living your life the way you always have. Then, when you've gained back all of the 30 lbs. you've lost plus another 25 you're left thinking WTF?

Here's how my diets usually go. On Day One, I'm perfect alll day. I eat like a bunny. Then, I get home and it all falls apart. I'm ravenous. All I can think about is that can of Pringles on the counter... The Fritos and Onion Dip... mayble I'll have some cheese... I think about everything I've told myself is "off limits".  I go to bed feeling defeated and guilty. I tell myself "This is too hard". Then, about two weeks before some big event I find myself panicking because I have to attend as my fat self and not the skinny self I dreamed of being.

Sound familiar? It's happened to me a million times. But, not last night! It was different. I mean truly different.

Perhaps it was the knowledge that I would have to account for my foibles here today. It could be the fact that I've designated this week and next as prep weeks and the pressure is off. Or, a combination of the two. Whatever it is, it seems to have clicked.

Last night I got home and I didn't immediately head for the kitchen. I didn't eat everything in sight. I didn't feel deprived. I didn't feel as if anything was off limits. And, believe me, there is a lot of temptation in my house right now. My husband gave me a wonderful array of goodies in my stocking and I didn't want any of it. We went to the movies and he dug right into a bag of chocolate covered almonds and I didn't want any.

So what has changed? I walk the same. I dress the same. I look the same. I'm not taking any magic pills. So, really? What is it?

For the first time, I'm really looking at this as a lifestyle change. It's time to face some hard facts. Fertility treatments left my body a wreck and it was no prize before. I've endured surgery, hormones, heartbreak and weight gain. Add to this other pre-existing issues which include high cholesterol (225); PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome); Insulin Resistance; and Hypothyroidism. I am on prescription medication to manage My thyroid condition, an anti-depressant which keeps me sane, and a different medicine to manage the PCOS. But, let's be real. It's Metformin which is used for diabetes. If not for the PCOS, I'm sure my diabetes indicators would be much higher and I would likely be taking this medication anyway. Try getting a decent Life Insurance rate with all of these issues.

I'm 42 years old and for the first time in my life, I actually "feel" my age. I hate saying that because my friends will tell you that I pride myself on being youthful.  2009 kicked my ass. I feel like I've aged 5 years this year and I'm pretty ticked off about it.  

Family and friends have all logged on to facebook and sent me emails encouraging me. One friend in particular said "I hope you know that you are beautiful just the way you are". And, I do know this. But, I'm not healthy. I'm not doing this because I have some deep seeded desire to be a super model. I just want to be around for a while.

Update on Yesterday's Goals
I did drink my gallon of water. I've spent a lot of time in the "facilities" as a result. I know this will improve. But, I'm not looking forward to the nearly 9 hour drive ahead of me tomorrow. Normally, I'd avoid drinking water on a long trip. Not this time. I hope there are plenty of rest stops along the way! :) My pantry will have to wait til I get back. I can't wait to post about that one. I opened the door last night and it's a wreck. My friends Jon and Brian would break out into OCD hives if they saw how messy it is. They are perhaps the two most orderly people I know. My husband used to be like them, but I broke him. Sorry honey. :)

Cheers!
Margaret