There's an Actual Runner Lurking In Here

I know it's been a a month since my last post. I've been busy and I really haven't had a lot to say other than a bit of complaining about various aches and pains. Believe me. There have been many many complaints. :) If you are a Facebook Friend, you already know all about this.

These past five weeks I've been mainly focused on the "doing" as opposed to the "talking about doing". I started this journey at 1/2 mile. At the end of that half mile I was gasping for breath so hard that I thought 1 mile was impossible. It wasn't. But, I wouldn't have achieved it without the help of Lars. At the beginning of this journey he told me that I could piggy back on his motivation for a few weeks, but then I would have to find it within myself. I did. It was there all along. I just needed to throw out some baggage to find it.

At first, our runs were approached with fear and dread. The only thing keeping me coming back was my innate need for Lar's approval and my gut wrenching fear of being a disappointment. That lasted for about two weeks. Once I hit that mile mark, the game changed. I am happy to SHOUT that last week I went to 1.25 miles. Today, I embark on 1.5 miles.

Now I approach these runs with anticipation and excitement, and still a little fear. Some days I hurt. But, I always ask that ultimate question: "Are you hurt or are you injured?" I can work through pain. Indeed, there have been a couple of days (yesterday being one of them) when I really had to think about the reality of my weight measured against my ability to improve within that magic timetable in my head. I've signed up for my very first 5k Run on January 21, 2012.

I've been at this blog off and on for nearly two years. Most of you were with me at the beginning of "One Year to 100 Pounds". A lofty goal to be sure. One that, in retrospect, was probably a bit unrealistic. I managed to drop about 26 pounds that first 8 months. I became disgusted. But, I kept it off through the end of 2010. I spent most of 2011 putting almost every pound back on. Two years later, here I am at almost the same weight I started. But, I'm not whining about it. It is what it is. Past failures pave the way for future success.

About six weeks ago, thanks to some tough love from a couple of friends, I finally got my head out of my ass and decided to focus on just being healthy. I have to accept that if I continue to do the right things, the weight will eventually take care of itself in its own time. I know what my magic number on the scale is. But, I haven't been on a scale in a couple of weeks. I don't want to be discouraged if it doesn't shoot back the right number. Instead, I'm focused on living life healthier. Period. End of sentence.

For me, not to be a slave to the scale is a major leap of faith. That doesn't mean I don't have goals. I do. Not a single one of them is related to a number on the scale. I am taking measurements and have zero intention of getting on a scale prior to January 1, 2012 when I join a group of friends on a new 12 week challenge that also includes some nutritional goals.

Right now I have my eyes on the 5k Prize. Who knew that inside me there was the heartbeat of a runner lurking all along?

Cheers!
Margar