Well folks, the Angry Princess nearly got scammed today. It's embarrassing. For a moment, I was in fear of my life and actually had the police come to my house. In the interest of the greater good, here is my story...
How many times have you been watching a news story about some poor unsuspecting fool who was defrauded in some way and think to yourself "What an idiot. That will never happen to me." I like to think of myself is trusting but not gullible. I guess I need to work on my A game because after retelling this tale to the police, I know exactly what mistakes I made.
We are all wary of scams and typically know not to give out or "confirm" our SSN, DL, Debit or Credit Card info over the phone. We know enough not to get sucked into free vacation scams. But, the Publisher's Clearing House is a different story. That's a legitimate sweepstakes. Right?
Here's how it all went down. In my own defense I was skeptical from the outset. But, intrigued enough go along until I didn't feel comfortable. And, that's what they were hoping for.
Approximately 9 am this morning I received a call on my cell phone, which is a number I generally don't give out unless I am ok with getting a call on it. The only reason I have a home number anymore is as a gatekeeper for telemarketers, scammers, etc.
It came through my phone as a legitimate number, not private caller, etc. The person on the line asked me if I remembered sending in a Publisher's Clearing House entry, which I did about a year ago. So, I said yes. He said, I'm happy to tell you that you are our 2nd place winner for this month's drawing. (Still skeptical, but willing to go along). I was given an 800 number, extension and a contact name (James Chin) to call back. They told me Mr. Chin would confirm everything and provide me with next steps. I was told not to worry, this was legitimate and that at no time would anyone ask me for anything. I was assured that this call was being recorded.
I called the number back. Mr. Chin was "happy" to inform me that I had been selected as the 2nd place winner in this month's Publisher's Clearing House drawing. He told me that a UPS driver, was about an hour away with a check and
that an actuary, an FBI agent and a presenter would be coming to my
house to present me with a check and a new car. He confirmed my address, name and number. (he had my name and number already, I confirmed the address by rattling it off to him like it was my job) (Mistake #2) \
He then told me the amount of the check $995,000 and the car was a 2014 Mercedez Benz S-Class sedan worth over $92,000. As if he knew the wheels were turning about what the taxes on that kind of award would be, he then told me that 95% of the taxes had already been covered and the actual check was less those taxes. He said that I would only be responsible for 5% of the taxes. And that I could either pay those directly to the IRS or they could take care of it and deduct from the check prior to depositing in my account He told me the car had already been registered for 1 year and that I could start driving it today. Honestly, I was still skeptical. Sensing that I wasn't as excited as I should be after winning such a large sum of money and car, he prodded me with "This is a great day for you. How do you plan to spend the money." I said "I don't know. This is kind of surreal and I have a hard time believing this is not a scam." Mr. Chin reassured me saying that this was real and that no one was going to ask me for anything. I was also asked if I looked presentable because I wouldn't want to look tacky for the presentation. I was asked then if I wanted the presentation to be public or private. And, not wanting the world to know that I'd just won nearly a million dollars, I said private. (Mistake #3)
At this point, I was asked if there was a Walmart nearby. I said yes
that there was one about 5 minutes from my house. He then told me that I
would need to go to Walmart and get a registration card. It sounded
odd, but plausible and at this point, no one had asked me for anything
other than to confirm my address. Mr. Chin assured me that he would stay on the line with me the whole time. I locked the house up and got in the car to go to Walmart. All the while I was still on the line with Mr. Chin. When my engine roared to life he said "wow, what kind of car do you drive." I responded Red Mustang (Mistake #4). I cannot explain why I did something so colossally stupid.
As I was driving I got an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Since I was hands free with blue tooth in my car, and I can talk and text at the same time on my phone, I sent a text to my husband saying "If I turn up dead today, it was a Publisher's Clearing House Scam". That's all I had time for. But, in the back of my mind, something still seemed kind of off. So, if I was gonna get killed for being an idiot, I wanted someone to at least ask some questions.
Mr. Chin's reasoning for wanting to be on the call with me was so that he could help me get the registration card I needed. I was still half on the hook. He said, "let me know when you are parked." I did. And, that's when he made his attempt to reel in his big fish.
"Mrs. Angell, I'm going to need to you go into Walmart Money Center and "purchase" two Paypal Green Dot Money Pack Cards. He asked me to repeat the card names and even spell them. I did. He then told me to put $1,000 on the first card and $975 on the second card. This will serve as your registration." He said to tell the cashier that the money was for personal use and that it was not being sent anywhere. In my head I was like "I KNEW IT!" My verbal response was "Absolutely not. I am not doing that." Note: only about 20 minutes have passed since the first call. I said "there is no way I'm going in there an doing that. Once I purchase those cards, they are as good as cash and anyone could steal them from me. You have my address. You know where I am and I'm not doing that."
He then told me "Mrs. Angell, you are thinking about this in the wrong way. No one is going to take anything from you. We are trying to present you with your winnings. This is a gift from God." Once he said that, I got the creepiest feeling. Agitated, I said "Do you live in this world? Do you watch the news? This could be an elaborate scheme to assault me and steal nearly $2000." Again, he tried to reassure me "Mrs. Angell you are thinking about this in the wrong way. You have been blessed with an amazing gift." I said, "Ok then, if this is legitimate you won't mind if I come back accompanied by a police officer for my own protection." He asked "why would you do that? No one is going to do anything to you." I said, "It's for my own personal safety. Surely, the Publisher's Clearing House understands people wanting to protect themselves right?" This is when he finally snapped. He said "you are just being stupid." I said, "Now I know this is a scam." he said, "If you don't want to accept this amazing gift, I will just go to the next person behind you and I'm sure they will be more grateful." I said, "You do that because I don't want anything badly enough to risk my safety and I'm smart enough to know that the REAL Publisher's Clearing House would never require me to give them money. Besides, you said in the beginning I would not be asked for anything. That's a blatant lie because your asking me to make a nearly $2000 purchase"
He really lost it at this point and started hurling curse words at me and told me that he knew where I lived and that he was going to kill me. He said "you stupid f**king B**tch I am coming to your house to slit your throat you f**king Whore. I hung up the phone and got really scared because it sunk in that he really did know where I lived. He had lured me from my home. I was alone. I couldn't remember if he'd asked if anyone was home with me. But, I thought he might have. I'll admit that I began to cry. For the first time in my life I was scared for my personal safety. I immediately called the police and told them what happened. An officer met me at my home and made sure that everything was secure.
To the credit of the Hendersonville Police Department, they took all of information that I'd captured and asked if they could pretend to be my husband and call the numbers back. I agreed. The officer then assured me that in most of these cases, the caller isn't even in the country. He said that the likely next step would have been to get me to mail the cards somewhere. I can report that the Hendersonville PD actually did follow the lead. A few minutes ago, I received a voicemail from the officer who visited my home. He had traced the phone numbers I provided him back to Jamaica.
So, I am comforted knowing that it's not likely that anyone is going to show up to slit my throat. I'm also comforted by the fact that there are at least 5 guns in this house and enough ammo to take out any would be attacker. Whether or not, I could actually pull the trigger under duress is up for debate.
What does disturb me is that I allowed this to happen. Aren't we all confident that "this would never happen to me?" I know I was. These guys were good. All they needed was a thread of truth to get me to comply. The Publisher's Clearing House is probably the only trusted Sweepstakes in America. Most of us are probably not going to say, thanks. Glad I won. but, you can keep your money and your car because I don't trust you.
Back to the buzz words I mentioned in the beginning. We know not to confirm financial details or anything that would allow a person to steal our identity. We never think about not confirming our address, the car we drive or whether or not we are home alone. As I read this its seems like common sense. But, if someone has talked to you long enough and gained your trust with legitimate information, it is possible to let your guard down.
The harsh reality is that in the 15 minutes I was in the car driving to walmart, someone could have broken into my home and stolen all of my belonging. Or, worse, I could have made a $2000 purchase only to have them waiting at my home to kill me over it.
I was lucky today. I was also stupid. But, I'm sharing my idiocy in the hope that if anyone else gets a call like this, they'll just hang up and carry on with their day.
Cheers!
The Angry Princess
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Paula Deen and Me
It's been a long time since the Angry Princess has posted a blog. And, most of my blogs are about weight loss and my struggle with it. However, events of the past week surrounding the Paula Deen controversy have compelled me to speak up and share.
Last week I declared on Facebook that "I am no longer a Paula Deen fan". I based that decision on a leaked deposition where she admitted to having used the "n" word in the past (among other things). Based on all of the information I've poured over in the last week and after some honest reflection, I'll tentatively retract that statement. Here's why.
I don't know of a single person in my life who would say that I am a racist. They would, in fact, say the opposite. It is a well known fact among my contemporaries that I don't condone discrimination of any kind. The reason I bring this up is because if I were under oath today and compelled to answer "Have you ever used the 'N' word?" My answer would have to be "yes." I know who I said it to and I know exactly why I said it. I was angry and this person had threatened a girlfriend of mine. But, regardless of how angry I was, "asshole" would have been a better term. I was 16 years old. What did I know? Today, I know that I was wrong. Now, If I was asked "have you used the "n" word any time in the last 30 years, my answer would be "no." Note the distinction.
Growing up in the 70s and 80s was a very different time. We marginalize that phrase, but there is truth in it. The "n" word was tossed around by both blacks and whites freely when I was growing up. I grew up in East Nashville and went to schools that were very much integrated. I had the opportunity to see from my own eyes that, while there are distinct cultural differences amongst blacks and whites, we are all human and equal in measure. By the time I reached college, I had friends of all colors, genders, nationalities and creeds. Today, I can add "sexual preferences" to that list. (I didn't know any gay people back then. Well... I didn't know they were gay.)
However, I do remember more than one occasion in my youth when I was chastised most vehemently by my elders about the company I kept and how it looked. More often than not, I've pretty much had an "I don't give a damn what you think" kind of attitude. And, I'm proud of that....
Except for this one time....
I would have to say that 1985 was a pivotal year for me. At the time, I was friends with a young man, who happened to be black. He was dating another friend who happened to be white.
This couple was taking a tremendous amount of heat for challenging the social norm and choosing to be together. When my white friend asked me what she should do, I told her that she should break up with my black friend because it would just be "easier'. It wasn't because I thought they were wrong to be together. I just didn't want to see either of them get hurt. So, instead of standing up alongside them and saying "big deal", I suggested the "easy" path. I have few regrets, but if I had a chance to take back a moment in my life, this would be one of them. It was the absolute worst advice I've ever given and I will regret it until the end of my days. I lost both of them as friends over this.
I realized immediately what I had done. But, no amount of "I'm sorry" could change the fact that I had abandoned them. I'm not being cavalier when I say this was a pivotal time because it was at that moment that I drew my own line in the sand saying "never again." I would never again hide behind what was easy at the expense of what was right.
It would be unfair to judge me based on that one snapshot of my life. I'd like to think that God will judge us on the totality of our lives and not just one moment in time. I feel that He would forgive me. So, I feel compelled to forgive Paula Deen. She could have lied. It would have been easier to lie.
When this story broke, I was heartbroken to learn that someone that I have admired so much was capable of something so awful. So, I'll make room for the possibility that I'm looking for a reason to forgive her. But, I'd rather have faith and be wrong than to not have faith and be right.
And, if I'm wrong and she really is the biggest racist of all time (move over Mel Gibson)?? Well she's already paying for it is she not? I hope that my faith in her humanity is not misplaced. I'm not condoning what she did or said. It was wrong. It IS wrong. What I am willing to do is give her a chance to explain and atone.
Last week I declared on Facebook that "I am no longer a Paula Deen fan". I based that decision on a leaked deposition where she admitted to having used the "n" word in the past (among other things). Based on all of the information I've poured over in the last week and after some honest reflection, I'll tentatively retract that statement. Here's why.
I don't know of a single person in my life who would say that I am a racist. They would, in fact, say the opposite. It is a well known fact among my contemporaries that I don't condone discrimination of any kind. The reason I bring this up is because if I were under oath today and compelled to answer "Have you ever used the 'N' word?" My answer would have to be "yes." I know who I said it to and I know exactly why I said it. I was angry and this person had threatened a girlfriend of mine. But, regardless of how angry I was, "asshole" would have been a better term. I was 16 years old. What did I know? Today, I know that I was wrong. Now, If I was asked "have you used the "n" word any time in the last 30 years, my answer would be "no." Note the distinction.
Growing up in the 70s and 80s was a very different time. We marginalize that phrase, but there is truth in it. The "n" word was tossed around by both blacks and whites freely when I was growing up. I grew up in East Nashville and went to schools that were very much integrated. I had the opportunity to see from my own eyes that, while there are distinct cultural differences amongst blacks and whites, we are all human and equal in measure. By the time I reached college, I had friends of all colors, genders, nationalities and creeds. Today, I can add "sexual preferences" to that list. (I didn't know any gay people back then. Well... I didn't know they were gay.)
However, I do remember more than one occasion in my youth when I was chastised most vehemently by my elders about the company I kept and how it looked. More often than not, I've pretty much had an "I don't give a damn what you think" kind of attitude. And, I'm proud of that....
Except for this one time....
I would have to say that 1985 was a pivotal year for me. At the time, I was friends with a young man, who happened to be black. He was dating another friend who happened to be white.
This couple was taking a tremendous amount of heat for challenging the social norm and choosing to be together. When my white friend asked me what she should do, I told her that she should break up with my black friend because it would just be "easier'. It wasn't because I thought they were wrong to be together. I just didn't want to see either of them get hurt. So, instead of standing up alongside them and saying "big deal", I suggested the "easy" path. I have few regrets, but if I had a chance to take back a moment in my life, this would be one of them. It was the absolute worst advice I've ever given and I will regret it until the end of my days. I lost both of them as friends over this.
I realized immediately what I had done. But, no amount of "I'm sorry" could change the fact that I had abandoned them. I'm not being cavalier when I say this was a pivotal time because it was at that moment that I drew my own line in the sand saying "never again." I would never again hide behind what was easy at the expense of what was right.
It would be unfair to judge me based on that one snapshot of my life. I'd like to think that God will judge us on the totality of our lives and not just one moment in time. I feel that He would forgive me. So, I feel compelled to forgive Paula Deen. She could have lied. It would have been easier to lie.
When this story broke, I was heartbroken to learn that someone that I have admired so much was capable of something so awful. So, I'll make room for the possibility that I'm looking for a reason to forgive her. But, I'd rather have faith and be wrong than to not have faith and be right.
And, if I'm wrong and she really is the biggest racist of all time (move over Mel Gibson)?? Well she's already paying for it is she not? I hope that my faith in her humanity is not misplaced. I'm not condoning what she did or said. It was wrong. It IS wrong. What I am willing to do is give her a chance to explain and atone.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Sugar Free in Tennessee
May 31, 2012
I've successfully survived the first 24 hours of this Sugar Detox. Yesterday's headaches were horrendous. I had an apple in the afternoon and it was perhaps the best apple of my life. Just thinking about its crisp sweet taste right now makes me swoon just a little.
Sorry... just a little fruit porn...
I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in months. I usually wake up feeling like crap and not rested at all. That wasn't the case today. So, perk number one of Sugar Free has been realized.
This morning's breakfast of Steel Cut Oats with Ground Flax Seed, blueberries and a splash of almond milk left a bit more to be desired. It was my first time with steel cut oats. They exploded in the microwave. #fail.
The pull of the Starbucks Vanilla Latte is hard to resist and I'm waning a bit. It's all I've thought about for the last hour. That, or a diet coke. But, I press on. I don't make coffee at home and I don't have any diet coke here. So, that helps. But, I have every intention of stopping for some black coffee on my way to an appointment later today. I'll be taking a packet of stevia and some almond milk with me.
Another thing that makes this 3 day endeavor a bit more endurable (is that a word?) is that I'm not alone in it. I have a couple of friends attempting this with me. It's not lost on me that I think my fear of failing them is probably greater than the fear of failing myself, which is actually kind of sad. But, I won't dwell on that. One issue at a time.
As of this minute I'm 24 hours down and 48 to go.
Cheers!
Angry Princess
not nearly as sweet as yesterday
I've successfully survived the first 24 hours of this Sugar Detox. Yesterday's headaches were horrendous. I had an apple in the afternoon and it was perhaps the best apple of my life. Just thinking about its crisp sweet taste right now makes me swoon just a little.
Sorry... just a little fruit porn...
I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in months. I usually wake up feeling like crap and not rested at all. That wasn't the case today. So, perk number one of Sugar Free has been realized.
This morning's breakfast of Steel Cut Oats with Ground Flax Seed, blueberries and a splash of almond milk left a bit more to be desired. It was my first time with steel cut oats. They exploded in the microwave. #fail.
The pull of the Starbucks Vanilla Latte is hard to resist and I'm waning a bit. It's all I've thought about for the last hour. That, or a diet coke. But, I press on. I don't make coffee at home and I don't have any diet coke here. So, that helps. But, I have every intention of stopping for some black coffee on my way to an appointment later today. I'll be taking a packet of stevia and some almond milk with me.
Another thing that makes this 3 day endeavor a bit more endurable (is that a word?) is that I'm not alone in it. I have a couple of friends attempting this with me. It's not lost on me that I think my fear of failing them is probably greater than the fear of failing myself, which is actually kind of sad. But, I won't dwell on that. One issue at a time.
As of this minute I'm 24 hours down and 48 to go.
Cheers!
Angry Princess
not nearly as sweet as yesterday
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
May 30, 2012
The Princess is Angry. Fired Up even. Totally ticked at herself for letting this behavior go on for this long.
___________________________________________________
That's a line in the concrete. What's behind it is done.
The honesty in the self assessment that follows has been a long time coming and it's not pretty.
When last we spoke my weight was hovering somewhere around the 240 mark. It's crept up to .... wait.... I'll go weigh myself... 262. I happen to know that 12 of those pounds appeared over the last month and because (stupidly) I decided to stop taking my medication for PCOS. I remember the day clearly when I told my husband that I had decided to stop taking it because "It's not doing anything for me." Stop rolling your eyes. I know it was stupid.
The good news is that I've been back on that medication for about two weeks now. It takes about a month for it to start working it's magic. But, lets say those 12 pounds drop right back off. That still puts me at 250 and over 100 pounds from what a healthy weight for my height is.
Oh how did this go so horribly wrong? I know how. The reason so many of us pack those pounds back on that we lost and then some is because we foolishly think that after a little success, we can go back to what we've always done and nothing bad will happen.
Isn't that what addicts say? I'll just have one drink and everything will be fine. It's almost never fine. Smokers that have quit for years have one and they are right back to their habit. And, it's not fine for me either. My weight is so much more than just eating too much of the wrong things.
I used to think that it was emotional eating that held me back. To a degree, I'm sure that's true. But, the real elephant in the room... er... Monkey on my back is sugar. No one, not even my husband wants to hear this. But, it's true. I am addicted to SUGAR. It's in nearly every processed thing we eat.
Want to know how I know that my addiction is real? Because I couldn't make it 24 hours yesterday after casually thinking -- I'm going to do a Sugar Detox. I pretty much set myself up for failure early by skipping breakfast. I had a salad for lunch with the Apple Cider dressing that came with it. (3rd ingredient on the package High Fructose Corn Syrup) and a Diet Coke (aspartame = fake sugar). In the afternoon I had plain greek yogurt with strawberries and pecans (very healthy). By 5 pm, I was going nuts. I'd only had about 700 calories so far. I ate a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. (Jelly = sugar; Bread = Sugar). At 7 I decided on 2 scrambled eggs and 3 slices of turkey bacon (No Sugar. Yay me). Somewhere in there I added popcorn. By 9 pm all I could think about was the birthday cake left over from THURSDAY! I'd been walking past it on the counter all day. I ate half of the slice and was so disgusted with myself that I wanted to just crawl in a hole and die.
That's just the "what" of it all. I don't think I can even recall all of the internal dialogue and struggle I was having with msyelf.
Justifications
Deals
Do-Overs
Resignations
Feeling worthless
Feeling stupid
Feeling weak
I'm sure there's more, but isn't that enough?
I've avoided this day for a long time. But, it's time to get real -- again. I've spent time recently counseling friends to leave the past in the past. So, I won't dwell on what I haven't done or should have done. I won't obsess about where I could be or should be with my weight loss.
I choose to focus on today. Tony was kind enough to bring me my new favorite: A vanilla latte for breakfast. He included a breakfast sandwich. 27g of sugar in the latte alone. 3g in the breakfast sandwich. We all have to start somewhere. A 21 day sugar detox is more than I can wrap my brain around right now. So, I'll start with 3 days. No, not tomorrow. NOW.
Ready. Set. Go!
Angry (really angry) Princess
Only 71 hours and 58 minutes to go
The Princess is Angry. Fired Up even. Totally ticked at herself for letting this behavior go on for this long.
___________________________________________________
That's a line in the concrete. What's behind it is done.
The honesty in the self assessment that follows has been a long time coming and it's not pretty.
When last we spoke my weight was hovering somewhere around the 240 mark. It's crept up to .... wait.... I'll go weigh myself...
The good news is that I've been back on that medication for about two weeks now. It takes about a month for it to start working it's magic. But, lets say those 12 pounds drop right back off. That still puts me at 250 and over 100 pounds from what a healthy weight for my height is.
Oh how did this go so horribly wrong? I know how. The reason so many of us pack those pounds back on that we lost and then some is because we foolishly think that after a little success, we can go back to what we've always done and nothing bad will happen.
Isn't that what addicts say? I'll just have one drink and everything will be fine. It's almost never fine. Smokers that have quit for years have one and they are right back to their habit. And, it's not fine for me either. My weight is so much more than just eating too much of the wrong things.
I used to think that it was emotional eating that held me back. To a degree, I'm sure that's true. But, the real elephant in the room... er... Monkey on my back is sugar. No one, not even my husband wants to hear this. But, it's true. I am addicted to SUGAR. It's in nearly every processed thing we eat.
Want to know how I know that my addiction is real? Because I couldn't make it 24 hours yesterday after casually thinking -- I'm going to do a Sugar Detox. I pretty much set myself up for failure early by skipping breakfast. I had a salad for lunch with the Apple Cider dressing that came with it. (3rd ingredient on the package High Fructose Corn Syrup) and a Diet Coke (aspartame = fake sugar). In the afternoon I had plain greek yogurt with strawberries and pecans (very healthy). By 5 pm, I was going nuts. I'd only had about 700 calories so far. I ate a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. (Jelly = sugar; Bread = Sugar). At 7 I decided on 2 scrambled eggs and 3 slices of turkey bacon (No Sugar. Yay me). Somewhere in there I added popcorn. By 9 pm all I could think about was the birthday cake left over from THURSDAY! I'd been walking past it on the counter all day. I ate half of the slice and was so disgusted with myself that I wanted to just crawl in a hole and die.
That's just the "what" of it all. I don't think I can even recall all of the internal dialogue and struggle I was having with msyelf.
Justifications
Deals
Do-Overs
Resignations
Feeling worthless
Feeling stupid
Feeling weak
I'm sure there's more, but isn't that enough?
I've avoided this day for a long time. But, it's time to get real -- again. I've spent time recently counseling friends to leave the past in the past. So, I won't dwell on what I haven't done or should have done. I won't obsess about where I could be or should be with my weight loss.
I choose to focus on today. Tony was kind enough to bring me my new favorite: A vanilla latte for breakfast. He included a breakfast sandwich. 27g of sugar in the latte alone. 3g in the breakfast sandwich. We all have to start somewhere. A 21 day sugar detox is more than I can wrap my brain around right now. So, I'll start with 3 days. No, not tomorrow. NOW.
Ready. Set. Go!
Angry (really angry) Princess
Only 71 hours and 58 minutes to go
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Self Sabatoge: Is there any other kind?
The title says it all. I will stipulate that yes, indeed, there are other forms of sabotage. But, let's get real here. The most prevalent form of sabotage, the kind that most of us face, is self inflicted.
I had a bad day... Translation ... I'll eat what I want.
Someone hurt my feelings... Translation... I'm not going to exercise AND I'll eat what I want.
I won't have any fun at the party if I don't partake.... translation... I'm going to eat and drink what I want and be too hungover the next day to work out so I'll eat and drink what I want that day too.
I'll admit that I haven't even begun to tackle the food issues yet. But, I really thought I had this exercise thing under control... that is...until yesterday. Let's begin with I had a bad day and I got my feelings hurt. Let's also stipulate that my running pants were too big. But, I didn't know this at the time.
No... I didn't skip my run. But, I did fail the first time out. I was emotional. My head was not in the game. My pants were falling down. My breathing was jacked up. And, my knee and left ankle were hurting. I just couldn't do it. Or, so I thought. I was a wreck. I made it almost a mile and told Lars I couldn't go any farther. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and sob. Instead, I picked myself up and went inside to do a blistering back workout.
I also cried in the dark on the way back to the gym. "I gave up. I can't believe I gave up." All the way home I was stewing about the fact that I'd quit my run. This was the day that I was going to increase my distance to 1.5 miles. I was so excited and gung ho. Sure, I'd been having severe knee pain for two days. But, it was feeling pretty good last night.Sunday's run was so much harder than what I was facing yesterday and I didn't give up. What was wrong with me? Why did I do that?
Why? I'll tell you why. Because I was upset and I gave myself a mental out. "Oh poor pitiful Margaret got her feelings hurt and she's embarrassed. Boo hoo." By the time I had made my 35 mile commute north to the house, I was damn determined that I was going to run that 1.5 miles if it freakin killed me. I walked in, put on a pair of running pants that actually fit, grabbed my Ipod, and asked the hubs to send out a search party if I wasn't back in 30 minutes.
Now, I don't want to toot my own horn here. But, my neighborhood is quite hilly. I never thought I could even attempt running in my hood. I tried to rid a bike up those hills a couple of times with disastrous results. I was trying to plot out the easiest 1.5 mile course. Unfortunately, unless I wanted to run the same 1/2 block back and forth a gazillion times, there was no getting out of a couple of hills. I was undaunted. I suited up my ipod and took off. I cried the whole first quarter mile. Then came that first hill. I hated her. But, I made it to the top. My jog was probably more like a tall man's regular walk. But, I was undaunted.
I welcomed the cool night air, which for TN in December was way warmer than it should be. It was during this blissfully quiet trek that I realized what runners have said for ages... "running helps me clear my head." I didn't solve the world's problems during my run. I didn't even solve my own. But, for 23 minutes and 45 seconds the world belonged only to me. I could cry. I could daydream. I could plot. I could pray. And, I did them all.
A year from now, I will look back on December 14, 2011 as the moment when it all clicked. I'll look on it as the precise moment in my life where my head and heart didn't get in the way of my health. It will mark the first time that I chose to rise above my emotional crutches (skipping workouts, quitting something hard, or diving into the fridge for comfort) and did the right thing... the healthy thing... for me.
I did not let that nasty little voice inside my head talk me out of anything. She did bend me. In fact she came dangerously close to getting her way. But, she did not break me. I came to my senses and got back in the game.
Sadly, my night didn't improve much after that. But, I was grateful that, like clockwork, my night in shining armor pulled up in his big grey truck to offer me a ride the rest of the way home. I took it too because that last hill is a bitch and I really didn't want to walk up it. I'd already run almost 2.5 miles for the day... give a girl a break!
Today, my knee held up surprisingly well. I think icing it immediately when I got home last night made a world of difference. I did not skip the gym tonight either. Shoulders and triceps were on tap today. And, I finished off my session with a 2 mile walk. It was nice.
Welcome to a brand new day. Tomorow begins a new evolution.
Cheers!
Margar
I had a bad day... Translation ... I'll eat what I want.
Someone hurt my feelings... Translation... I'm not going to exercise AND I'll eat what I want.
I won't have any fun at the party if I don't partake.... translation... I'm going to eat and drink what I want and be too hungover the next day to work out so I'll eat and drink what I want that day too.
I'll admit that I haven't even begun to tackle the food issues yet. But, I really thought I had this exercise thing under control... that is...until yesterday. Let's begin with I had a bad day and I got my feelings hurt. Let's also stipulate that my running pants were too big. But, I didn't know this at the time.
No... I didn't skip my run. But, I did fail the first time out. I was emotional. My head was not in the game. My pants were falling down. My breathing was jacked up. And, my knee and left ankle were hurting. I just couldn't do it. Or, so I thought. I was a wreck. I made it almost a mile and told Lars I couldn't go any farther. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and sob. Instead, I picked myself up and went inside to do a blistering back workout.
I also cried in the dark on the way back to the gym. "I gave up. I can't believe I gave up." All the way home I was stewing about the fact that I'd quit my run. This was the day that I was going to increase my distance to 1.5 miles. I was so excited and gung ho. Sure, I'd been having severe knee pain for two days. But, it was feeling pretty good last night.Sunday's run was so much harder than what I was facing yesterday and I didn't give up. What was wrong with me? Why did I do that?
Why? I'll tell you why. Because I was upset and I gave myself a mental out. "Oh poor pitiful Margaret got her feelings hurt and she's embarrassed. Boo hoo." By the time I had made my 35 mile commute north to the house, I was damn determined that I was going to run that 1.5 miles if it freakin killed me. I walked in, put on a pair of running pants that actually fit, grabbed my Ipod, and asked the hubs to send out a search party if I wasn't back in 30 minutes.
Now, I don't want to toot my own horn here. But, my neighborhood is quite hilly. I never thought I could even attempt running in my hood. I tried to rid a bike up those hills a couple of times with disastrous results. I was trying to plot out the easiest 1.5 mile course. Unfortunately, unless I wanted to run the same 1/2 block back and forth a gazillion times, there was no getting out of a couple of hills. I was undaunted. I suited up my ipod and took off. I cried the whole first quarter mile. Then came that first hill. I hated her. But, I made it to the top. My jog was probably more like a tall man's regular walk. But, I was undaunted.
I welcomed the cool night air, which for TN in December was way warmer than it should be. It was during this blissfully quiet trek that I realized what runners have said for ages... "running helps me clear my head." I didn't solve the world's problems during my run. I didn't even solve my own. But, for 23 minutes and 45 seconds the world belonged only to me. I could cry. I could daydream. I could plot. I could pray. And, I did them all.
A year from now, I will look back on December 14, 2011 as the moment when it all clicked. I'll look on it as the precise moment in my life where my head and heart didn't get in the way of my health. It will mark the first time that I chose to rise above my emotional crutches (skipping workouts, quitting something hard, or diving into the fridge for comfort) and did the right thing... the healthy thing... for me.
I did not let that nasty little voice inside my head talk me out of anything. She did bend me. In fact she came dangerously close to getting her way. But, she did not break me. I came to my senses and got back in the game.
Sadly, my night didn't improve much after that. But, I was grateful that, like clockwork, my night in shining armor pulled up in his big grey truck to offer me a ride the rest of the way home. I took it too because that last hill is a bitch and I really didn't want to walk up it. I'd already run almost 2.5 miles for the day... give a girl a break!
Today, my knee held up surprisingly well. I think icing it immediately when I got home last night made a world of difference. I did not skip the gym tonight either. Shoulders and triceps were on tap today. And, I finished off my session with a 2 mile walk. It was nice.
Welcome to a brand new day. Tomorow begins a new evolution.
Cheers!
Margar
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
There's an Actual Runner Lurking In Here
I know it's been a a month since my last post. I've been busy and I really haven't had a lot to say other than a bit of complaining about various aches and pains. Believe me. There have been many many complaints. :) If you are a Facebook Friend, you already know all about this.
These past five weeks I've been mainly focused on the "doing" as opposed to the "talking about doing". I started this journey at 1/2 mile. At the end of that half mile I was gasping for breath so hard that I thought 1 mile was impossible. It wasn't. But, I wouldn't have achieved it without the help of Lars. At the beginning of this journey he told me that I could piggy back on his motivation for a few weeks, but then I would have to find it within myself. I did. It was there all along. I just needed to throw out some baggage to find it.
At first, our runs were approached with fear and dread. The only thing keeping me coming back was my innate need for Lar's approval and my gut wrenching fear of being a disappointment. That lasted for about two weeks. Once I hit that mile mark, the game changed. I am happy to SHOUT that last week I went to 1.25 miles. Today, I embark on 1.5 miles.
Now I approach these runs with anticipation and excitement, and still a little fear. Some days I hurt. But, I always ask that ultimate question: "Are you hurt or are you injured?" I can work through pain. Indeed, there have been a couple of days (yesterday being one of them) when I really had to think about the reality of my weight measured against my ability to improve within that magic timetable in my head. I've signed up for my very first 5k Run on January 21, 2012.
I've been at this blog off and on for nearly two years. Most of you were with me at the beginning of "One Year to 100 Pounds". A lofty goal to be sure. One that, in retrospect, was probably a bit unrealistic. I managed to drop about 26 pounds that first 8 months. I became disgusted. But, I kept it off through the end of 2010. I spent most of 2011 putting almost every pound back on. Two years later, here I am at almost the same weight I started. But, I'm not whining about it. It is what it is. Past failures pave the way for future success.
About six weeks ago, thanks to some tough love from a couple of friends, I finally got my head out of my ass and decided to focus on just being healthy. I have to accept that if I continue to do the right things, the weight will eventually take care of itself in its own time. I know what my magic number on the scale is. But, I haven't been on a scale in a couple of weeks. I don't want to be discouraged if it doesn't shoot back the right number. Instead, I'm focused on living life healthier. Period. End of sentence.
For me, not to be a slave to the scale is a major leap of faith. That doesn't mean I don't have goals. I do. Not a single one of them is related to a number on the scale. I am taking measurements and have zero intention of getting on a scale prior to January 1, 2012 when I join a group of friends on a new 12 week challenge that also includes some nutritional goals.
Right now I have my eyes on the 5k Prize. Who knew that inside me there was the heartbeat of a runner lurking all along?
Cheers!
Margar
At first, our runs were approached with fear and dread. The only thing keeping me coming back was my innate need for Lar's approval and my gut wrenching fear of being a disappointment. That lasted for about two weeks. Once I hit that mile mark, the game changed. I am happy to SHOUT that last week I went to 1.25 miles. Today, I embark on 1.5 miles.
Now I approach these runs with anticipation and excitement, and still a little fear. Some days I hurt. But, I always ask that ultimate question: "Are you hurt or are you injured?" I can work through pain. Indeed, there have been a couple of days (yesterday being one of them) when I really had to think about the reality of my weight measured against my ability to improve within that magic timetable in my head. I've signed up for my very first 5k Run on January 21, 2012.
I've been at this blog off and on for nearly two years. Most of you were with me at the beginning of "One Year to 100 Pounds". A lofty goal to be sure. One that, in retrospect, was probably a bit unrealistic. I managed to drop about 26 pounds that first 8 months. I became disgusted. But, I kept it off through the end of 2010. I spent most of 2011 putting almost every pound back on. Two years later, here I am at almost the same weight I started. But, I'm not whining about it. It is what it is. Past failures pave the way for future success.
About six weeks ago, thanks to some tough love from a couple of friends, I finally got my head out of my ass and decided to focus on just being healthy. I have to accept that if I continue to do the right things, the weight will eventually take care of itself in its own time. I know what my magic number on the scale is. But, I haven't been on a scale in a couple of weeks. I don't want to be discouraged if it doesn't shoot back the right number. Instead, I'm focused on living life healthier. Period. End of sentence.
For me, not to be a slave to the scale is a major leap of faith. That doesn't mean I don't have goals. I do. Not a single one of them is related to a number on the scale. I am taking measurements and have zero intention of getting on a scale prior to January 1, 2012 when I join a group of friends on a new 12 week challenge that also includes some nutritional goals.
Right now I have my eyes on the 5k Prize. Who knew that inside me there was the heartbeat of a runner lurking all along?
Cheers!
Margar
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Runner's Log Week 1
It's the end of my first week of running and I hurt all over. This week has been full of a lot of surprises and revelations.
One week in and I can honestly say that little by little...
True to his Destroyer moniker, Lars says we are increasing our runs this week from walk a 1/4, jog a 1/2, walk a 1/4 to walk a 1/4, jog 3/4, walk a 1/4.
Do I believe I can do it? uh... not really.
Would I prefer to keep our original schedule one more week? Yes.
Am I going to whine and complain about it? What do you think? That's a big fat yes.
Will I quit? HELL NO!
I survived week one of rookie runner 101. I'm looking forward to a challenging and rewarding week two.
Cheers!
Margar
- I don't hurt as bad as I thought I would.
- It's exactly as hard as I thought it would be.
- I am stronger and more commited than I imagined I would be.
One week in and I can honestly say that little by little...
- My faith is turning into belief.
- My fear is turning into confidence.
- My fat is burning and muscle is building.
True to his Destroyer moniker, Lars says we are increasing our runs this week from walk a 1/4, jog a 1/2, walk a 1/4 to walk a 1/4, jog 3/4, walk a 1/4.
Do I believe I can do it? uh... not really.
Would I prefer to keep our original schedule one more week? Yes.
Am I going to whine and complain about it? What do you think? That's a big fat yes.
Will I quit? HELL NO!
I survived week one of rookie runner 101. I'm looking forward to a challenging and rewarding week two.
Cheers!
Margar
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