90 Days and Counting

Day 90

Today marks the end of the first quarter of my year long journey. I'm proud of the effort I've put in so far. Eating well and making exercise a priority are not easy tasks on their own. But, dealing with the emotional reasons behind my weight are way tougher than I ever imagined. Regardless, I press on.

On Day One I was broken. I'd just come off the worst year of my life. I knew I had to make a change.  After years of half-hearted attempts, I was finally ready. Honestly, I didn't completely believe that I could do it. But, as the saying goes, "fake it til you make it." right?

So I got up every day and forged ahead one meal, one workout, and one insecure moment at a time. In the beginning, I could barely make it through 20 minutes walking at 3.0 mph pace on the treadmill. The very idea of climbing a hill made me want to hide my head under the covers and say "I don't think so." Giving up my Diet Coke habit made my head hurt in ways I didn't think were possible. But, little by little, change began to take hold. Pretty soon, those hills didn't seem so high and my cravings for Diet Coke faded into the distance. I was losing weight and getting stronger. Best of all, I began feeling human again.

So, here we are at Day 90. It's time to tally the results and see where I stand. I'll have progress pictures this weekend. You can imagine how the first day of work after vacation was for me today. There was simply no time, which is why you'll see the time stamp on this post is somewhere around 11 pm. But, I digress... Here We go...

STATS

• Beginning Weight: 247  
• Beginning Bust: 49"
• Beginning Waist: 42.75"
• Beginning Hips: 53"
• Beginning Thighs: 29"
• Beginning Calves: 18"  
• Beginning Neck: 17"
• Beginning Estimated Body Fat: 53%

• Current Weight: 226
• Current Bust: 46"
• Current Waist: 40"
• Current Hips: 47.5
• Current Thighs: 27.5"
• Current Arms: 14.5"
• Current Calves: 17"
• Current Estimated Body Fat: 48%

Total Pounds Lost: 21    Goal: 25
Difference: 4 lbs above Target (who cares!)
Total Inches Lost:  14"
Total Percentage Fat Loss: 5%

My beginning Cholesterol was 225. We'll have to wait until May for those results because that's when my next test is scheduled. New Q2 Goals will be posted tomorrow.

Cheers!
Margaret

Old Insecurities Die Hard

Day 89

I'll start with  the good. After an 11 day road trip, which included two Nascar races and a guest stint at the Griffin's in Roanoke, I am finally home. On the whole I did well. I exercised consistently, alternating between circuit training with weights (that I brought along with me) and lots and lots and LOTS of walking. I had a few missteps with food that in hindsight were not that bad. The scale will tell the real story tomorrow morning.

But, that's not the point of today's post. I want to talk about insecurity. For the most part, I am a fairly confident and self aware individual. But, I have insecurities just like anyone else. Most of the time, I'm able to brush them off. I take those feelings, shove them into a box using at least a roll of duct tape to seal it up before putting it in a bullet proof chest with a padlock and sliding it deep... deep... deep... into the recesses of my brain. Then I hide the key from myself.  Damn if that devil on my right shoulder doesn't have a way of sneaking past the Angel on my left when she's sleeping to find that stupid key.

If you are the largest woman in any situation, you feel it. I don't care how confident you are. In the back of your mind, you are comparing yourself to everyone around you. The people who know you may get how hard you're working and they may even tell you that you look great. You might even "know" in your heart that it's true, the hard work is paying off and you do look better. Still... every stranger that walks by doesn't know this. They see who you are today. And, while it really shouldn't matter what other people think, deep down it does matter.  

The key is to keep that crap at bay and don't let it invade your thoughts. Unfortunately, no one is perfect including me. I had a battle with these insecurities on Sunday. As my friend Beth lovingly told me "that's just stupid". She feels bad about that, but she shouldn't because she was right. I was being "stupid". I'm grateful that my little bout with emotional drama happened when I was surrounded by people who love me. That's the wonderful thing about having kick ass friends. They'll give you a little room to feel sorry for yourself. Then they will tell you that you're an idiot. But, they'll hug you and wipe your tears while they are saying it.

I already miss my friends so much. But, I am happy to be home. Tomorrow, I return to the structure of my regular week. My insecurities are back in the box sealed with duct tape and padlocked in the chest. I've also installed some high tech laser security features designed specifically to ward off any devils that might try to sneak in.

Cheers!
Margaret

P.S. I'm back to daily posts starting with this. Thanks for your patience during my spring break.

This is How We Do It

Day 84


I got up this morning and knocked out my workout first thing. It's amazing how a little exercise will help improve your mood and alter your mindset. It's a lot easier to stay away from the junk when you've already exercised because you're less likely to mess up all that hard work. It's such an easy concept.


Sometimes that devil on my right shoulder kicks the the crap out of the Angel on my left. She got a black eye yesterday. She might get knocked down from time to time, but she doesn't stay down. No quitting allowed in here. Not UP IN HERE!

I'm over yesterday's daliance. And, I'm on to make some memories with my peeps. Bring on Race Weekend #2!  Stay tuned for my next post. It will likely not be until Monday or Tuesday.

Cheers!
Margaret

What was I thinking?

Day 83,


Holy Crap. I think aliens must have invaded my body. Today was not one for the record books. My food choices were less than stellar. I had Fried chicken for lunch and a meatball sandwich for dinner. Really? Who am I? 

I'm not very happy about my choices today. But, I own them. I absolutely could have chosen an alternative. It was 100% my decision not to. I pretty much thumbed my nose at healthy eating today save for a salad and a protein shake. And, I know I'm going to pay for it later because that stuff messes with my stomach like crazy these days. :(


Anyway, on to more positive topics. Tomorrow is my last work day before the second half of my adult spring break. We went to the grocery store today and the meals I have planned for the weekend take into account what I need and offer the rest of my group the yummy goodness they can all get away with. I just can't. I need to remember that my body doesn't react the same as others. This is one of those times when I'm happy that I don't have access to the scale because I'm pretty sure it would ruin my day tomorrow.


Now that I've confessed my sins, I'm going go take a Pepcid before the real gastric party begins.


Cheers!
Margaret

What a Wild RIDE!

Days 78, 79, 80, 81 and 82

I know you are all just "dying" to know how my first of two race weekends went. It was absolutely fantabulous!

Day 78 was basically a travel and set up day. I got up at 5:15 am that morning to make certain I got in a good workout. That night my husband was scheduled for a Richard Petty Driving experience and a minor tactical error resulted in our walking ALL THE WAY around the track. We went up hills and down hills and I'm not talking sissy hills either. They have a tram that escorts people around for a reason! But, I digress. Afterward, I made Cajun Shrimp Stirfry for husband and guests. 

(From Left) My husband Tony, Brian Bevins and his brother Brad Bevins. They are good campers. They always compliment the cook. Flattery generally gets you everywhere in my book. :) I just had to tell them it was healthy. It was so delcious, I just couldn't help myself. They don't look like it scarred them too much do they?



Day 79 was Nationwide Series Race Day. We went to Brian and Brad's mom's house for breakfast. Sausage, Biscuits and Gravy. YUM! I ate a little. But, not a lot. I promise. The race promised to be a fun time. It even had it's share of excitement.

This wreck happened in turn two right in front of us. It brought out the fire trucks and everything. I don't have a picture of the end of the race, which was also very exciting.

It is also important to note that I got in a workout this day as well. I brought my Yoga Mat and a set of weights and completed a circuit before going to the race. Then, afterward, being a glutton for punishment, I ended up walking ALL THE WAY around the track again with Brian and Brad. My glutes and Hamstrings were like "What the hell is she thinking? We did NOT sign up for this!"

Day 80 was Sprint Cup Race Day and it did not disappoint.  Despite being a little cloudy and some sporadic rain drops, we had a fabulous time. Jimmie Johnson won his first ever race at Bristol Motor Speedway. I had the privilige of hanging out with some of the best people I know.

On Day 81 we packed up our stuff and headed northeast to Roanoke where we are staying with more of our favorite people. Our three hour drive turned into four thanks to a sink hole near Wytheville, VA. It would not be an Angell Road Trip if there wasn't some kind of fiasco to tie up traffic for a while.

So, here we are at Day 82. I've been working remotely from Virginia today. It hasn't been too bad. I only had 100 or so emails to read and respond to. I have been procastinating all day about exercising. But, I will get it in as soon as I finish this post. 

All in all, it's "so far, so good" on this thing we have dubbed Adult Spring Break 2010. I have not been on a scale since Thursday and will not likely be on one again until Tuesday. I'm trying not to get the cold sweats about it. I think a little separation anxiety might do me good. :)

Cheers!

Margaret

Margar's Got Her Groove Back

Day 77

Before I get on with my post, I'd like to say thank you to everyone who reached out yesterday to check on me. I really appreciate the support. I'm happy to report that all is well in my world. My pity party is over. :)

Today has been a good day. I managed to leave work at noon so that I could come home and finish Spring Break preparations. We hit the road tomorrow morning. My husband is under the impression that I'll be up by 5 am. All I can say is I'll try honey. Our bags are packed. My cardio is done and when I finish this post I'll be moving on to weights to make up for the session I missed yesterday.

The only other thing I'll say about yesterday is this. I did not use food to hide or stuff my feelings. My emotions certainly spilled out into my post. And, I did shed a few tears and lose a little sleep. But, I did not... repeat... did not gorge myself on junk in order to feel better. This is a tremendous accomplishment. I have been forgiven for my part in an argument that was really pretty silly. I got through it and woke up ths morning feeling like myself again. Imagine how I'd feel today if this had not been the case?

Personal Growth is hard people! But, I'm better for it.

I'm off to the races. I will do my best to post everyday while I'm gone. But, it will largely depend on the reliability of my internet connection.

Cheers!
Margaret

PS... I'm leaving town at 228 (That's 19 pounds down if you're keeping track). My goal is to come back from spring break not one single pound heavier.

Confessions of the Struggling and Distraught

Day 76

Guilty...

Broken...

Beat Down...

Ashamed...


Think about these words next time you are tempted to do or say something you can’t take back because whatever relief you feel in the moment will immediately be replaced with the aforementioned feelings.

It doesn’t matter if you were provoked. It doesn’t matter if you were cornered. It doesn’t matter if you were justified (chances are you weren’t really justified). These feelings will still come and they are worse than feeling provoked, cornered or justified.

These are the feelings I’m feeling today. And, to add insult to injury, I’m faced with having to feel those feelings without the crutch of stuffing them back down with a cheeseburger... a pizza... or a giant slice of cake. I’d do just about anything to feel better right about now. But, I also know that a cheeseburger, much like lashing out, will only make me feel better in the “moment”. After that, I’ll just feel even more… guilty… broken… beat down… and ashamed. There is no escaping it. I’m just going to have to get through it and move on. There’s no short cut or easy way out. Lucky me.

The other thing about lashing out inappropriately is that you can’t really call the other person on their crap if you get right down there in the mud with them (or act worse). Ultimately, you get a double whammy. You feel the pain of what made you lash out in the first place. You feel the guilt of having reacted badly. And, you have to face the fact that two wrongs don’t make a right. Ok… that’s a triple whammy.

I find myself praying for redemption and forgiveness.

Sincerely,
Struggling and Distraught

Oscar the Grouch

Day 75

Everyday can't be perfect. Some days are just hard. Work gets in the way or life or family or friends. Heck, sometimes you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. By nature, I'm a moody sort anyway. And, I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

I couldn't sleep last night. I finally got up and changed rooms around 3:15. Woke up with a back ache and a sinus headache. I had online training which began at 8:00 am. Of course "I" thought it started at 8:30... grrrr.... I really wish that these people would standardize their training start times. Fortunately, for me, my commute today was only a flight of stairs.

Even my lunch date with my Wii Punching Bag boyfriend didn't make me feel better. The Claritin didn't help either. My training did go well. And, I'm grateful that I was able to work from home all day, which allowed me to get a lot accomplished.

My Adult Spring Break could not come at a better time. I need a break and some much needed down-time. Hopefully, that will give me just the perspective I need to help me resolve some professional challenges that are nagging at me. Sometimes, a few days away from thinking about a problem, is just what it takes to find the solution or at the very least the courage to confront it.

I'm seriously considering another workout to clear my head. I'll try anything at this point except bingeing on unhealthy food. That's not me any more :)

Cheers!
Margaret

What was Old is New Again

Day 74

My pants are falling off. This is a good problem to have. However, I refuse to go out and buy a whole bunch of stuff just now. So, I went shopping in my own closet. I've got pants in a number of sizes. I thought surely there's something in there that might fit.

I was right. I found two new pairs of pants to add to my rotation. Technically, I found one pair that I can add now and another that should be a bit more comfortable in a couple of weeks. But, I got those suckers buttoned and zipped! Yahoo!!!

I have tried to do a little shopping. But, I can't seem to find anything I like. All of the spring stuff looks hideous to me. When did 1988 become fashionable again? There is money seriously burning a hole in my pocket.

Oh well... I could have worse problems.

Cheers!
Margaret

A Worry Free Spring Break

Day 73

Yesterday was so awesome, I barely know what to talk about today. You guys know that I bought jeans that are two sizes smaller than normal right? Ok... just checking.

We are knee deep in race preparations at my house. We've got Spring Break for Adults coming up with back to back race weekends at Bristol and Martinsville. We'll be spending the "middle" with our peeps in Roanoke and I, for one, cannot wait!

However, with travel comes challenge.

Too Much Junk Food
Not Enough Exercise
Lack of Sleep
Hangovers...

It could be a recipe for disaster if I let it. But, I won't let it. The goal for Spring Break 2010 is to come back weighing what I weigh when I leave. My weights, pilates bands and yoga mat are all ready to go. And, let's not forget my goal to hike to the top of that enormous hill in Bristol. I really want to get pictures of the sunrise over the race track if the weather will cooperate with me.

I'm like a kid the week before a trip to Disney World. Happily, I'm not feeling any of the apprehension and anxiety I normally feel before something like this. Bristol is flat out hilly and I'm always apprehensive about walking to and from the track with my friends because I'm ashamed of how hard it is for me to get up the hills. Plus, I'm always sweating like crazy and out of breath (even when it's cold outside). That worry has been eliminated. I'm much more fit today than I was last year.

Another worry is how much bigger I am than all of my friends. They are all so pretty and not at all fat (even the boys! although, they won't like it that I called them pretty). Generally, that makes me feel self conscious. But, not this year. I am as healthy as I can be given where I am in my journey and that's a good thing. In my head and in my heart, I know they don't judge me. They love me for me and they are all pulling for me.

Apart from the stress of getting all of our stuff together, this is pretty much a worry free week for me. No fear... no anxiety... no shame... Only genuine excitement to see those I love the most.

I'm not even stressing over the fact that I have to get up super early every day this week. eeek! When I'm complaining tomorrow about how tired I am, remind me I said this.

Cheers!
Margaret

Dressing Room Full of Tears

Day 72

It is a well known fact that it's no fun shopping with me. I cannot wait for the day when I can walk into any store I want knowing that they'll have my size. It's hard as hell to fine stylish plus size clothes that one can afford. But, that's not really the point of this story.

I am in need of a pair of jeans. I have three pair. One for heels, one for knocking around and a pair of trouser jeans. I'm going camping next weekend and to the races and I need more than one pair of jeans that I can wear with sneakers. So, I told my husband that "he" needed jeans and we went to Kohl's. I knew if I told him that "I" needed jeans, he'd run for the hills. He hates shopping with me because he says that I "try on everything and buy nothing."

I leave him in the men's department and head over to the Old Lady... I mean plus size section. I had read about the Lee jeans with tummy control and wanted to try those out. As is usually the case, the selection and sizes were limited. I looked at the size 20W and thought to myself that they looked kinda big. I wondered if I could squeeze into an 18W. Or course there was no 18W. But, there was a 16W. I thought to myself "yeah right." But, I took them anyway. I wanted to see how close I was to fitting in the coveted size 16W that I could wear... oh let's say 3-5 years ago.

Bracing myself, I put on the size 20s. They almost fell straight to the floor. WHAT? This can't be right. Perhaps it's a 22W on a 20W hanger. Nope! I smiled. Still, there's no freaking way I'm going to get these size 16s. I was betting they'd barely go over my enormous hips.

One leg in, I closed my eyes and held my breath. Then, the other leg.
Ok, let's pull these puppies up and see just how much belly is in the way of the zipper.
They are over my hips. Wait a minute... I think these might actually button... Holy Crap the zipper is going up too. Seriously! Am I being punk'd? If so, it's so NOT cool.

Slowly, my brain is starting to catch up and realize what's going on here. Hello? Anybody home in there? MARGARET!!! You are wearing a pair of size 16W jeans and they fit. Not only do they fit, but they look pretty good to boot. Standing in front of the mirror, it finally hits me. I am about to purchase a pair of jeans that is not only one but TWO sizes smaller than what I normally wear. I look up and realize that I'm crying. Not the sad defeated tears of someone who just keeps getting fatter and fatter year after year. But, tears of triumph and joy from someone who's literally been working her ass off for 72 days.

I walked up to my husband crying and smiling all at the same time. I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who are disgusted to be wearing a 16. But, when you've been wearing size 20 for two years and find yourself getting dangerously close to a 22.... well a 16 is quite simply bliss.

And worth every tear.

Cheers!
Margaret

Unleash The Beast!

Day 71


I absolutely cannot wait until Monday's official weigh in to share this bit of good news. Drum Roll Please.... My new weight is 231. For those of you keeping track, that's 16 pounds down. Gitty Up! I also just completed the best workout I've had all week.


Unleash the Beast!


In the interest of total disclosure, there are a couple of things to note. So far, I haven't been using any supplements other than Protein Powder. Today, I added NO Xplode NT which is a creatine supplement designed to enhance stamina. It worked. I plan to add it to my program. I also plan to add CLA (Conjugate Linoleic Acid) which is recommended for people with Thyroid problems.

At this point I do not feel that the results I'm seeing match my level of effort. We'll see if these two things make a difference. I get that it's going to be harder for me than others to lose weight. But, that doesn't mean that I'm going down without a fight!

Did I mention that I'm down to 231? I'm just sayin...

Cheers!
Margaret

New Highs Despite A Few Lows

Day 70

My new Wii Fit age is.... wait for it... 25! A month ago my Wii fit age was 49 and I'm only 42. I've come a long way baby! I'm also happy to report that I've graduated to Wii Fit Boxing - EXPERT!

I've managed to accomplish these things this week despite a battle with allergy and sinus trouble. Every morning I wake up and feel like crap. I sleep in and then say "I'll work out tonight." Every night I come home with the intention of just going to bed. But, I see my gear in the corner and remember that I've got goals. So, I throw on my exercise clothes, make my way downstairs, and wait for the familiar "oh" when I step on my Wii balance board.

At the beginning of every workout, the same "Woe is me" refrain runs through my brain. But, by the end, when I'm sweating, out of breath and secretly praying for a power outtage, I feel proud. Sometimes, I have to take it minute by minute in order to stick it out. There are days when I don't feel a hundred percent, but I exercise anyway because a bad workout is still better than no workout at all.

I'm all stocked up on Claritin and hoping that does the trick. Spring hasn't quite sprung yet. But, my nose knows it's on the way.

Cheers!
Margaret

The Long and Winding Road

Day 69

I'm treating this weight loss journey like a marathon instead of a sprint. And, I can finally see my Q1 Check Point ahead. What was once a tiny spec in the distance is finally beginning to loom larger and larger with each passing day.



This will mark the longest I've ever been able to sustain any kind of diet and exercise plan primarily because I'm treating it like a lifestyle change and not a diet. I've attempted many, many, many times to lose weight. But, I've always given up somewhere between week 4 and week 6 when I realize that I'm not going to meet my lofty goal. In the course of this quarter, my goals have changed a bit. One of them was to be able to run a mile without tossing my cookies. It's time to face the music on that one. I'm not a runner. I don't even want to be a runner. The thought of running makes me shudder. I have plenty of body parts heading south already. They don't need any help.

The crazy thing about goals is that if they aren't something you really want for yourself, you'll never achieve them. In the beginning, this journey seemed like a straight line of flat road. Easy right? Oh how wrong! It's been filled with hills and curves and bad weather. But, I've made it through and today the sun shines on my back and I'm confident that I can make it to the finish... I mean checkpoint! I may not come in at 25 pounds lost this quarter. That's ok. If this is the case, it won't be because I didn't give it my best.


My fitness level had declined so much over the past few years, that at the beginning of this  journey I could barely get through 20 minutes walking on the treadmill or playing Wii Fit Plus. Ten "lady" pushups nearly killed me. And, horror upon horror, I could barely bench press 65 lbs. (A few years ago, my max was 105 lbs) Instead of giving up, I made peace with my starting point and set a goal of improving my stamina everyday. Last week I noticed that I was able to knock out 3 sets of those lady push ups! Benching 65 lbs is getting easier. And, I can now do a 17.5 minute mile on the treadmill. Eight short weeks ago a 20 minute mile made me feel bad about myself.


I'll be rolling through Check Point 1 with some bumps and bruises. But, that's all part of the journey. I don't mind falling down from time to time. The important thing is to get back up and keep on moving forward. I've essentially got three weeks to lose 10 pounds and I'll be traveling for 11 of those 21 days. That's a tall order. Wish me luck.

Cheers!
Margaret

Rage Control

Day 68

You know what the downside of not stuffing your emotions with food is? You are forced to find way other ways to control your rage that doesn't include lawsuits, divorce or long periods in jail. Let's discuss broken dishes, missing telephones and other resentments. You don't mind reading along if it keeps me from eating one or four of the mini Kit Kats staring at me from the bowl across the room do you?

The Cleaning Authority comes to clean my house every two weeks. Mostly, they do a good job. We had a mishap or two early on but I gave them opportunities to make it right and we've been getting along just fine ever since. However, a couple of weeks ago, I avnoticed that they broke one of my Mickey Mouse salt and pepper shakers without saying anything. (Don't make fun of me. I love Mickey!) It's a small thing that wasn't really worth any money. Although it did have sentimenal value that can't be replaced. But, it was an accident. Right? Having turned over a new leaf this year, I decided to let it go.

But, now I could spit bullets. Tonight, I come home to find that they have broken a bowl, given to me by my best friend, while dusting. This is no tiny ass knick knack. You don't just knock it off with a feather duster. It was on top of a book shelf. That takes work. Of course, they are willing to pay for it. But, how should I know how much it cost? It was a gift. And, beyond that, they came dangerously close to knocking off my husband's vintage G.I. Joe Helicopter that is worth several hundred dollars. That would have been REALLY bad. But, they didn't so, at this point, I'm still considering forgiving this sin and shorting them $20 for the broken bowl.

Until... My husband calls on the house phone which, for some reason, I cannot find. I'm running around the room like a lunatic because I hear it, I just can't see it. Where can it be? Would you like to know where I found my phone? BEHIND THE BOOK CASE! Really? How is it that you can manage to clean  up all the broken glass, but you decide it's ok to leave the phone wedged behind the book case? Did they think I wouldn't notice?

Good Grief!

And, while I'm on a roll, and not at all thinking about the York Peppermint Patties nestled along-side those Kit Kats, let's talk about the rudeness of old people. Being over the age of 60 does not give one the right to treat teenage grocery clerks like dirt. Nor does it suddenly mean that rules of the road don't apply. I swear sometimes they are worse than the tweenagers at the movie theater. You REALLY don't want me to get started on that one.

Ok... I feel better. All Kit Kats and Peppermint Patties are present and accounted for and my dinner of Grilled Pork Loin Chops, Santa Fe Rice and steamed squash is ready. Thanks for letting me vent.

My name is Margaret and I have issues with my rage.

I mean...

Cheers!
Margaret

Back In the Saddle Again

Day 67

Back in the Saddle again... I'm Back in the saddle again...

What a difference a day and copious amounts of ibubrophen makes. This has been a good day. I'm gong to chalk it up to the lovely weather and a much needed attitude adjustment. Begrudingly, I arose at 6:45 am this morning to get in an upper body workout. It was a good one too because I could barely lift my arms over my head to wash my hair afterward. I'm sure my husband thought to himself "why the hell doesn't she just lift her arms to do that?"

I finally, finally, FINALLY got a piece of cake! And, now I'm over it. I know that you've all been wondering about this all day so I thought I'd just get that out of the way.

The scale stayed the same this week, which I expected given my hormonal issues. I may weigh myself again tomorrow mainly because I can finally get my ring off after several days of being all bloated up like a blow fish. I think the real truth will reveal itself then. Or, I could just wait until next week and be giddy over another big loss.

All kiddng aside, here's the deal. I've had a rough couple of days. It's competely normal to hit a rough patch here and there. But, sometimes you don't know how bad it was until you get to the other side. I'm not happy about skipping so many workouts or some of my inappropriate eating. But, I can't change it. I'm not going to beat myself up about it. It's not worth it and it only leads to more destructive behavior.

If you're reading this and thinking that you've totally blown it, please know that you haven't. Pick up right where you are now and forge ahead. Leave the past behind you where it belongs. It doesn't matter what issue you are trying to conquer. Each passing moment is the opportunity for a new beginning.

Cheers!

Margaret

Beginning Anew

Day 66,

I'm so glad this week is over. For the past several days I've been plagued with a variety of discomforts that, with any luck, will all be part of my past starting tomorrow... Freakin hormones. I hate them.

I've been lethargic and moody and plagued with a headache, body aches and insane cravings. For example: All I've been able to think about this weekend is cake icing. Not frosting from a can... but the icing that comes on top of a birthday cake purchased at grocery stores and bakeries. JUST the icing. I could really care less about the cake part.  In my head I realize just how ridiculous this is. I could have easily bought a cake at the grocery store and been done with it. But, I didn't. Still, nothing I've eaten this weekend has been able to quell this odd desire for icing.

Inside my head is not always a good place to be. It's like taking trip to Tolkien's Middle Earth. The up side is that I realize it's temporary. The downside is you know your weekend sucked when you can't wait to wake up to a fresh new Monday.

Here's to beginning Anew...

Cheers!
Margaret

In the Dog House

Day 65

I think my Wii Boxing coach may break up with me if I don't get off my ass real quick. I've neglected my fitness for three days in a row. This is NOT a good precedent. I have lots of excuses, but no good reasons.

Excuses #1 and #2: I didn't fall asleep until after 1:00 am both nights and overslept. Then, I was too tired or not at home after work.

Excuse #3: I awoke with a raging sinus headache and cramps (sorry boys).

None of these are good reasons to skip a workout. I know better. But, I will not wallow in it. Setbacks happen. Sometimes we just don't feel like it and the devil on our shouder wins out. I accept and acknowledge my role in it.

Now, let's move on. Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny and 60. Perfect grilling weather and a great opportunity to get outside. Sounds like a fun day to me.

Cheers!
Margaret

Temptation

Day 64

temp·ta·tion
Something that tempts, entices, or allures.

Butter... Bacon... Pringles... Cake Icing...  Steak... These are a few of my favorite things. I find these foods extremely easy to over-consume, which is why I don't eat them very often.

Notice that I didn't say that I've banned these foods. If I told myself that these foods were off limits forever, it would just make me want them all the more. The small act of making a conscious decision to say I can have these foods sometimes makes it easier not to eat them regularly. I also believe that it's important to not let myself get too hungry because when you're ravenous, you are less likely to make healthy choices.

For instance, today there was an opportunity to eat cake at work. I had planned on a piece if I really wanted it. But, then when the time came, I wasn't hungry so I didn't eat it. Flash Forward to 8 pm. It had been 5 hours since I'd had anything to eat. I was planning for my dinner to be a free meal. And boy was it a FREEBIE. By the time we got to the restaurant, I was starving. Fried Pickles, Fried Fish, white beans, and a slice of Caramel pie later, I felt that I needed a wheel barrow to get me out of that place. I will say that I did not eat all of any one thing. And, the caramel pie was not worth the calories at all so I stopped eating it.

Despite the fact that I didn't eat all of  my food, I still ate enough of it to make me sick by the time I got home thus reminding myself once again that there is a reason I don't eat this stuff on a regular basis anymore.  All it did is make me feel bad am bout myself and force me to spend several excrutiating minutes in the "facilities". Logically, I know that I shouldn't feel bad about it. I planned for it. It's that lethargic overstuffed feeling that I hate. I'm still working toward stopping when I'm 70% full instead of when I'm stuffed. I guess it's a good thing that I approached stuffed way before I finished everything on my plate. Gluttony is not my friend.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Cheers!
Margaret

Self Image

Day 63

Yesterday I was feeling my inner rebel and went crazy at the hair salon. I came home with some highlights that I didn't go in there with. Now, if you know me, you know that I take tremendous pride in my hair. It's always been my thing. You can imagine my devastation when I started to get a few grays. Thankfully, I've got a stylist who covers them and allows me to keep my otherwise very dark brown locks.

Here's the thing. If I'm being honest, the reason that I've always taken so much pride in my hair is because it's one of the few things I thought I had going for me. I was so ashamed of my weight that I would take every opportunity to divert attention away from it that I could find. I suppose it's fair to say that I wasn't ashamed enough to do something about it.

Until...

It was December 26th. People talk about suddenly having moments of clarity. Even now it doesn't "feel" like it was a moment of clarity. When I look back, I remember it more as drawing a line in the sand and thinking to myself "that's it". Simple. Straightforward. I made a plan. I started this blog. I let go of my past. And, I never looked back.

62 days later, a healthier, more vibrant, and happier person sat down in the stylist chair and said "what do you think about highlights?" I don't know who was more shocked at the words coming out of my mouth... me or my stylist, who by the way has been doing my hair for over 10 years. A friend asked me why i did it and I said "why not, it's just hair?"

For the first time in 20 years, maybe ever, I feel good about the skin I'm in, the person I am and where I'm going. And, it shows.

Cheers!
Margaret

The Secret Sauce

Day 62

Self Pity
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.

D.H. Lawrence

Master Chief John James Urgayle recites this poem in one of my all time favorite movies G.I. Jane. Whenever I'm faced with challenges I recall this poem. It speaks to me. It reminds me that feeling sorry for myself is not an option. Not that I'm feeling sorry for myself. That is absolutely not the case at all.

But, I find myself thinking about this poem tonight because I have a few friends who have recently embarked on their own personal weight loss journey. In the beginning (and points in between), it's easy to get discouraged. Despite my recent success, there have been weeks when seemingly nothing happened that caused me to doubt myself. I'm by no means an expert. I can only relay what I've learned so far.

My "Secrets" to Success

1. Set SMART goals. Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time bound.
2. Don't give up. Change does happen if you keep working at it.
3. If you falter, and at some point you will, forgive yourself and move on.
4. Focus on progression not perfection. Ditch the "All" or "Nothing" mentality.
5. Make lifestyle changes that you can live with long term. Diets don't work.
6. Eat real food and lay off the refined sugar.
7. Get moving. But, start where you are. I could barely do 20 minutes in the beginning.
8. Allow yourself the occasional free meal or free day.
9. Take Before Pictures and Progress pictures at 4 week intervals.
10. The tape measure is your friend especially when the scale won't cooperate.

There are so many of us out there looking for the magic bullet... the secret sauce... the quick fix. The unfortunate truth is that there isn't one. Making peace with this fact is key. I'm not going to wake up next month and suddenly weigh 145. But, I will likely wake up next month weighing 225 and that will be less than I've weighed in five years. I will celebrate that milestone mightily.

Hang in there my compadres. Don't give up. If you need support. I'm right here.

Cheers!

Margaret

Proof Positive

Day 61

Ok.. ok.. I know I posted my 2 month progress pics last night. BUT, I just have to post these again alongside my previous pics mainly because I think I sometimes forget how far I've come in so little time. So what if I've only lost 12.5 as opposed to my goal of 16.5. In the scheme of things, it's four pounds. Who cares?

Take a look below... This gal is happy and it shows.

Check out that mid-section! AND.... Look at that chin area! I'm working my way toward one chin instead of three. Yay Me!

Check out the side-view. Disregard the bad hair and cheesy grin and direct your eyes a little further south. Hello Ladies. I can tell the difference between you and the spare tire! There might just be an hourglass figure in there yet.

Ok... I'll stop bragging and get back to workin on my fitness.

Cheers!

Margaret

I don't Need Your Stinkin Plateau!

Day 60

There's no other way to say this other than just blurt it out and be done with it.

So, here goes... I lost FOUR POUNDS!!!!

Plateau? What Plateau. I kicked that sucker to the curb. No longer do I look like this 247 lb before picture.

Today I'm a much trimmer 234.5 lbs. That's a little bit off my goal for this point in the journey. But, after three weeks of nothing but Heartbreak at the scale, I'll happily take it. This 12.5 lb loss also includes a 6% drop in body fat.

My beginning measurements:

Neck: 17"

Bust: 49"

Arms: 15"

Waist: 42.75

Hips: 53"

Thighs: 29"

Calves: 18"

Are also a thing of the past!

My new measurements are:

Neck: 16"

Bust: 46"

Arms: 14.5"

Waist: 41"

Hips: 49"

Thighs: 27"

Calves: 17"

Which represents a 12.25" loss

See those rolls of back fat? I hate them. This spare tire has been my nemesis for years. Yes, I said YEARS! In this picture, my exercise shirt kept riding up because it was a bit too tight.

Yep! They're almost gone too.
It Really doesn't get much better than this!

Cheers!

Margaret