Brick by Brick

Day 31

Transform

Pronunciation: \tran(t)s-ˈfȯrm\
Function: verb
A : to change in composition or structure
B: to change the outward form or appearance of
C: to change in character or condition.

I've been thinking a lot today about transformation and what it really means. I'm rebuilding myself brick by brick. But, it's not just about an exterior renovation. To me, a true transformation is about transforming from the inside out — letting go of old unhealthy ways of thinking, acting and reacting and replacing that thinking with new beliefs about healthy living and about myself. It's not just a skin-deep process.

Oh how many times have I attempted to lose weight? I've lost count.
How many times have I attempted a true transformation from the inside out? Just this one.

I don't mind tellin ya that I'm a classic avoider. I will go to almost any length to keep my own pain from bubbling to the surface. I have stuffed my feelings with food. I've avoided situations that may be uncomfortable. I've kept my mouth shut when I should have spoken up and I've lashed out inappropriately when I'm past my emotional limit. I'm great at being there for others. But, I've never been particularly good at showing up for myself.

These days I'm trying to "feel my feelings when I feel them" as opposed to eating them, avoiding them, or letting them spill out with a abandon. I've let go of the past. And, I'm embracing healhier ways of venting my frustrations. I actually talk about my feelings with my husband these days. He's really good about letting me just talk it out. He knows that I don't need him to fix it for me. I just need an outlet to get it all out. I appreciate him so much for this.

All of these internal changes are manifesting themselves externally as well. I think this is and will continue to be my key to weight loss success. Step by step, brick by brick, I'll get there. I'm buiding on top of a firm foundation. I've ripped out the old one and replaced it with something solid.

Cheers!
Margaret

Cue The Music

Day 30,

Cue the music.... da da dadada dadada dada da... da da dadada dadada dada da...  da da dadada dadada dada da...  da dada da da....... ba pa baaaa.... ba pa paaaa. ba pa paaa ba pa PAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Ok use your imagination. It's the theme from Rocky. I am here to tell you that on the 30th day of the first month of this year-long journey, my new fighting weight is........ 238.5. That's exactly, to the pound, where I need to be in order to be on track for 1 year to 100 pounds lost. This lets me know that my goals are challenging, reasonable, and attainable. I need to remember to Be patient. Do the work. And, the results will come.

Today, I am Rocky Balboa running up those stairs victorious. Part of me feared that I would reach the end of the first month nowhere near where I needed to be. Thanks to a 3 lb loss this week, I'm there. And I'm happy as hell. Not just a little happy. ECSTATICALLY happy.

I'm well on my way to my 1st quarter goal of 25 pounds down. Stay with me. It's just starting to get exciting around here! Thank you to all of those who are supporting me. You give me strength. Special thanks to Ris who sent me a lovely card in the mail today. The timing could not have been more perfect. I am blessed beyond measure.

WHOOO HOOO!!!!

Cheers!
Margaret

Improve Your Life One Meal at a Time

Day 29

I read this headline in Clean Eating Magazine today... "Improve Your Life One Meal at a Time" It was designed to get people to subscribe to the magazine (which I highly recommend). But, that statement is fairly profound.

Is it really impossible to improve your life one meal at a time?
I think so.

Clara, a BFLspirit.com friend of mine, reminded me today that cleaning up one's diet takes practice. She said she's gone from eating about 80% of her food out of a box/bag to eating about 10% from boxes and bags, which she generally does on her free days. She also told me it took her close to five years to achieve this. I've cleaned up a lot. But, it's comforting to know that I don't have to build "Rome in a day."

 

We are conditioned to get our food from boxes and bags. Sit down on any given night to watch television and you'll be bombarded with commercials encouraging us to simplify our lives with boxed dinners and drive through meals. My years of eating this crap has not made my life easier. In fact, it's made it more difficult. It's more difficult to find clothes that fit...to move around... to get up the stairs... and to look in the mirror.

Some might even say that it's cheaper to eat these foods. Sure, that may be true in the short term from a dollars and cents perspective, but the long terms costs to ourselves cannot be denied. Everyone has to pay up at some point. If you really think about it, it's not that much cheaper in monetary terms either. Plus size clothes cost more than regular size clothes. Life insurance costs more when you're fat. Doctor's visits to combat high cholesterol, high blood pressure, insulin resistence, etc. all add up too.

My grocery bill has gone up some. That said, if I'm worth the splurge of a $5 cup of coffee am I not also worth a few organic apples and 97% lean ground beef? The amount of money we spend dining out has gone way down too. I used to eat out everyday for lunch and we'd eat out for dinner 3-4 times a week. Fast food on Mondays because we were too tired to even think about cooking. Tuesdays at Buffalo Wild Wings. Pizza on Friday night and lunch and dinner out both Saturday and Sunday.We were likely spending a few hundred dollars a week on restaurant meals that did nothing but make me feel bad about myself and increase my waistline.

Besides, I love to cook. Sometimes I don't feel like slaving away in the kitchen. But, I can throw together a healthy pizza just as fast as I can toss a Totinos in the oven. And, I can have pork loin chops, green peas and healthy mashed potatoes on the table in the same amount of time that it takes to drive to McDonalds and back. If time is that much of an issue, I can throw the ingredients for taco soup in the crockpot in less than five minutes before I leave for work. It's ready for me when I get home.

It comes down to choice. It's true Oreos taste Good. Pringles are postively divine. And, bacon! Oh how I love bacon. But, you know when it tastes the best? When it's a "treat" and not an everday occurence. No one says we have to give up everything.

So, yes! I'm improving my life one meal at a time. If 80 percent of those meals are real whole food, then I'm doing just fine. Now that I'm off my soap box, I'll leave you with a recipe for pizza that I'm going to try next week.

Barbecue Chicken Pizza
Courtesy Clean Eating Magazine

INGREDIENTS

• Olive Oil Cooking Spray
• 1 Medium Yellow Onion, sliced (I leave this out. Onions are vile weeds)
• 4 oz. white mushrooms, thinly sliced
• 1/2 medium red bell pepper, thinly sliced
• 1/2 lb boneless, skinless chicken breast, pounded to 1/4 to 1/2 inch thickness and cut into strips (you can also purchase cutlets which are already this size)
• 5 oz can unsalted tomato paste
• 3 Tbsp Apple Cider vinegar
• 1 Tbsp raw organic honey or pure maple syrup (have neither? regular honey will work. But, I don't suggest whipping out the Mrs. Butterworths)
• 1 Tsp onion powder
• 1 Clove minced garlic (more if you love garlic and I do love garlic)
• 1/4 tsp Spanish Paprika (it's sweeter than regular, which is fine if you have it)
• Fresh Ground Black Pepper to taste
• 12 oz whole wheat pizza dough (you can buy a whole wheat pre-made crust if you can't find packaged whole wheat dough)
• 2/3 cup pre-shredded low-fat mozzarella cheese
• 1/2 tsp dried oregano

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 425
2. Heat a large nonstick or cast-iron skillet over high heat for 1 minute. Reduce heat to medium-low, mist with cooking spray and add onion (yuck). Saute for about 8 mins or until caramelized (ok i might try that... caramelized onions aren't so bad). Add mushrooms. Mist with more cooking spray, if needed, and saute until cooked, about 5 minutes. Add red pepper, saute for 2 more minutes or until just cooked. Remove vegetables from pan. Mist pan with cooking spray, turn heat to medium high and cook chicken strips until golden brown on each side, about 2 to 3 minutes total. (note this is going into the oven, the chicken does NOT need to be fully cooked at this point. If you cook it until it's completely done at this stage, your pizza will be dry).
3. Prepare barbecue sauce: in a medium bowl, whisk together tomato paste, vinegar, honey, onion powder, garlic, paprika and black pepper.
4. Mist a nonstick cookie sheet or pizza pan or pizza stone with cooking spray. Roll dough onto sheet. If dough comes out of package lumpy or uneven, use a rolling pin to thin it. It should be about 1/8 to 1/4 inch thick. Spread barbecue sauce over dough and sprinkle cooked chicken evenly across pizza. Then evenly distribute cooked vegetables, sprinkle mozzarella evenly over top and add oregano. NOTE: if you are using a prepared crust, you can just place it directly on the oven rack as opposed to on a pan.
5. Bake for 15-18 minutes or until cheese is melted and just starting to brown and bubble. Remove from heat and cut into 8 equal slices.

Nutrients per 2 slice serving: Calories: 390, Total Fat: 7g, Sat. Fat: 2g, Carbs: 55g, Fiber: 7g, Sugars: 12 g, Protein: 26g, Sodium: 200 mg, Cholesterol: 40 mg.


Cheers!
Margaret

Wii Complex

Day 28

My Wii Fit Plus is seriously giving me a complex. Every day I step on it and wait to be humiliated. First it says "oh!" like an elephant just stepped on the board. Then, it tells me to stand still while it measures me. A little kid-like voice says "measuring... measuring... measuring..." At the end of this the bar goes up to present you with your BMI and that darned thing says "oh... that's obese". No shit. Like I didn't know that already. If that isn't bad enough suddenly my "mii" gets all fat and flabby too just to illustrate the point.

Despite all of these indignities, I punish myself further by taking a body test. My center of balance is excellent. I generally pass the first body test with flying colors. Then, I fail the next one miserably. The Wii Fit combines all of these results to present me with my Wii age.... 54 FREAKIN 54! Last week I was 30. It's not like I aged 24 years in a week. It must also be said that this thing doesn't calculate weight worth a crap. It's different every time I step on. Yesterday, it said that I gained 7 lbs in one day. NOT TRUE.

Undaunted, I keep going. Time for a workout. Now this is where all of that humiliation pays off. The aerobic games are actually fun. I start out with a warm up on the Hula Hoop. I don't know what it takes to reach Calorie Torcher status on that thing. But, I'm getting better. After that, I go for a little run through the park. I follow it up with two rounds of Advanced Step, then comes my favorite part of the workout -- boxing! Waaa Hooo! I'm sure I look like an idiot, but I love this game. Nothing gets my blood pumping like sparring with my little animated punching bag. He's a mean son-of-a "B" At the end, he says "I know you can do better than that! Let's try again tomorrow!"

And I do come back tomorrow. I'm in love with an animated punching bag. I hope my husband doesn't find out.

Cheers!
Margaret

Chocolate TKO

Day 27

I tried folks. I really did. I fought that chocolate craving ALL day long. But, in the end I went down in a TKO succumbing to a mini Peppermint Patty. And you know what? That thing didn't taste all that good! It just made me feel bad about myself. 

I spent hours thinking I'd screwed my whole day. But, I logged all of my food into sparkpeople for a sanity check and, to my wondrous surprise, I'm WELL within my nutritional guidelines for the day. The slip does go against my clean eating aspirations and I'll have to keep working on that. But, I have done nothing to negate my weight loss efforts. And, that's a good thing.

What's not good is the fact that I still seem to be having that internal struggle. I definitely tried to overcome my chocolate craving by eating other stuff. At least, my subsitutes were healthy items. But, it doesn't change the fact that I would have eaten less overall if I'd just had the chocolate. Instead, I tortured myself all day and still had the chocolate.

Remember... Stumble don't Tumble. I stumbled. it's ok. I'm human. Did you stumble today? Did you do or say or eat something you wish you hadn't? It's ok. You're human too. Forgive yourself. Say "I'm sorry" if you need to and move on. I can't change what I did and neither can you. But, we can move forward having learned from our transgressions.

Cheers!
Margaret

"Clean" Your Plate

Day 26,

So, I've been getting a lot of questions lately about Clean Eating. People want to know what that means. Eating clean is the practice of eating whole, natural foods such as fruits, vegetables, lean proteins and complex carbohydrates. It also means staying away from the highly processed junk food that makes up most of our diets. This includes things like man-made sugar, bad fats (hydrogenated, trans-fat), preservatives, and white bread.

"Cleaning" up one's diet is hard. Believe me, I know. I am not perfect by any means. I do take a few short cuts. But, I've cleaned up my diet a lot in the last month and it's made a HUGE difference. There are people that are fanatical about eating clean. They go by the mantra of "If man made it, don't eat it." My hat is off to them. I doubt that I'll ever be that clean. Not because I can't do it but because I don't want to do it. There's something to be said for the occasional frosty mug o beer, loaded baked potato, or red velvet cupcake. The key word here being occasional.

My goal, as I've stated before, is to abstain from processed junk 80 percent of the time and indulge 20 percent of the time. This is a lifestyle that I can live with. And, it's working because I feel fantastic. Experts say that 80% of your body comes from nutrition, 10% genes and 10% training. Let's face it, I got screwed in the genes department! Hypothyroidism does NOT do a body good. I'm plagued with a flat butt and a double chin from my parentals. (Thanks for that by the way.) That said, I also have a great smile and a nice rack. (At least that's what my husband says).
Jokes aside, three pluse weeks of clean(er) eating has changed my body, mind and my spirit. I have only had one case of indigestion since Christmas. I was literally taking a Pepcid almost every day before that. The simple act of eliminating sodas 90% of the time and increasing my water intake to 3 liters a day has done wonders for my skin. I am more focused, less lethargic and generally in a much better mood. I won't lie. A good bit of why this is working is mental. It has to click in your mind before your body will follow suit. 
Here's a sample of my Previous Diet
Breakfast - slimfast; or Diet Coke & a package of doughnuts; or nothing 
Lunch - Cheeseburger and fries and Diet Coke
Snack - Diet Coke and chips or candy bar
Dinner - Steak, Texas Toast and Baked potato with butter, sour cream, cheese and bacon
Snack - Ice Cream or chips

Here's what I eat now
Meal 1: Skim milk and berries blended with one scoop of chocolate protein powder
Meal 2: Lowfat Cottage Cheese and an Orange
Meal 3: 1/2 Turkey Sandwich and Cup of Spinach Lentil Soup (courtesy of Brueggers Bagels)
Meal 4: Apple with 1 TBLS natural peanut butter
Meal 5: Sirloin Steak, small baked potato (plain) and steamed spinach
Meal 6: Grapes and a piece of string cheese

Fluids: 3 liters of water per day

That's a LOT more food than I was eating before. But, it's high quality food. Protein powder and protein bars are a couple of examples of the short cuts I was talking about earlier. What you'll notice in my new menu is that each meal consists of a high quality proteins, carbohydrates and fruits or vegetables. I'm keeping my body fueled throughout the day.

Combine these nutritional changes, with the addition of exercise and a fresh mental outlook and Bazinga! I feel better. My only regret is not figuring this out 15 or 20 years ago.

Cheers!
Margaret

A Pound of Flesh

Day 25

The scale lives begrudgingly to see another week. I lost a pound and two more inches. It is becoming apparent to me that I'm going to have to fight for every single pound of flesh that I want gone from this body! It's hard not to get discouraged. Patience has never really been my strong suit. But, at the end of the day, a loss is a loss and that's a good thing. I'm going with that.

A friend of mine posted this quote yesterday and it really spoke to me.
"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got."

This journey for me is pretty much about doing the exact opposite of what I've always done. It seems that I discover something new about myself everyday. Sometimes it's scary, but mostly it's liberating. I'm working my butt off and I'm enjoying it (except for those days when I can barely move).

I love to have a good time. I always have. And, I don't have to be thin in order to be happy. But, it damn sure won't hurt. :)

Cheers!
Margaret

STOP and hit the RESET Button

Day 24

Today has not been a stellar day. I was planning on a completely different post. But, I'm kind of struggling. I haven't done anything terrible. In fact, I'm fighting destructive behavior pretty hard. I can't put my finger on it, but something is off today.

I was up until 3 am last night. This resulted in another Sunday of sleeping in which kinda made me mad at myself. I suppose it's not a good idea to stay up so late playing Wii with your mate. :)

I was kind of grumpy for no reason today and I simply couldn't figure out what i wanted to eat. It didn't help that I hadn't really planned anything for today. And, this was making me tense. Because I couldn't make a decision, it was 1 pm before I ate anything. That's not good and I know it.

I started off with a Natural Peanut Butter and Fruit Preserves sandwich with a banana and a glass of milk. An hour or so later, I decided that didn't cut it so I had a slice of lean canadian bacon and a piece of string cheese. A little while later I had a grapefruit and some nuts. A little while later I had an apple. A little while later I had another piece of string cheese and two slices of lean Canadian bacon. I haven't had nearly enough water today and that's a problem too.

On the upside, this translates to roughly 1291 calories, 65 grams of fat, 23 grams of fiber, 134 grams of carbohydrates and 55 grams of protein. Normally, I don't count this stuff up. But, I was nervous. Fortunately, from a nutritional standpoint I'm right in line with where I need to be. And, I still have plenty of room for a healthy dinner. So, why do I feel so bad about it?

I guess it's because I know that emotions and lack of planning have ruled my eating habits today. On some level, I'm glad that my constant snacking has been nutritionally sound. But, I'm on dangerous ground here. I really can't afford to let emotions rule my eating habits. This is exactly the kind of behavior that led to my being obese.

I'm not content to chalk this day up to a loss. I scrapped my original post so that I could talk about my issues here. I also decided to get busy doing something other than watching tv. I switched out all of our bed linens and did a whole bunch of laundry. I also helped Tony declutter a room. Now that I feel like I've accomplished something, I am sort of back on track.

Next step is to plan my meals and workout for tomorrow. These acts stopped the cycle of snacking and I now feel more in control. Sometimes you just have to STOP and hit the RESET button. All does not have to be lost.

Cheers!
Margaret

Free Day Wrap-up

Day 23

What an awesome day. I feel like such a nerd saying that all the time. But, it's true. I feel so good that a teeny tiny part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. But, that little seed of doubt has no place in my life. right? RIGHT!

As free days go, this one was WAY better than last weekend's which resulted in a four hour nap and some stomach discomfort that need not be rehashed today. Brunch followed by an afternoon drive was the order of the day. We had dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings and because I still had a workout to get in today, we came home for a bit so I could get my Wii Fit game on.

I'll tell you now that balance is not my strong suit and me and "the body test" are gonna scrap before it's over with. Last week my Wii Fit age was 30. Today is was 77! WTF! To be fair, I didn't understand the game. It wasn't that I"m all that uncoordinated. Unlike my husband I really don't fall down a lot.

Tonight, we are heading to the movies. I'm going to enjoy a little popcorn and a diet soda and tomorrow it's back to cleaning eating. A big shout out to my friend TH who's working in Switzerland this week and has been keeping up her healthy habits by working out in the hotel gym and staying away from the bar food. You GO Girl. I'm proud of you.

Stay tuned this week. I'm going to talk a bit about self doubt, eating clean, exercise and handling stress. Weigh in on Monday better go well or I'm going commit a homicide and murder my scale. I've been working my butt of literally this week!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. I know I'm enjoying mine.

Cheers!
Margaret

Perspective

Day 22

Today has been a great day. This has been a great week.

But, tonight I find myself a bit blue. Hope For Haiti Now is on practically every television station and my heart aches for the 200,000 who have died and for those who remain that suffer. Think about that number. It's four times the population of Hendersonville, TN.

This monumental suffering makes my little 100 pound weight loss journey seem like the easiest thing in the world compared to those who don't have water, food, sanitary conditions, clothes or shelter. The challenges I face in my daily life are nothing compared to the hardships these people must still face. Most of them lived a meager existence before this tragic earthquake yet even in the face of more hardship many of them still have hope. I find this remarkable.

So, tonight, I won't brag about my awesome week. It's seems petty. I will simply say this. I'm grateful for the many blessings bestowed upon me.

I offer this poem for the people of Haiti

In the stillness there was no stillness
only aftershock and cries
Children wander parentless in the streets
no clothes, no water, no shoes on their feet

In the stillness there was no stillness
only settling dust and flies
Bodies lay lifeless in the streets
No blessings, No burials, No food to eat

In the stillness there was no stillness
only planes that can't land filled with supplies
Riots and looting fill the streets
Infrastructure remains incomplete

In the stillness there was no stillness
only the hope of Haitian's joyous cries
Miracles revealed in empty streets
8 days later the world still weeps

By Margaret Angell
January 22, 2010

Plight of the Uncoordinated

Day 21

Me and my Wii Fit Plus had a date tonight for some cardio action. I got things started with the hula hoop game. I mean how hard can it be right? You swivel your hips around and around. Surely, I can do that... WRONG. Hula hoops were banging me in the head and when my hoop finally hit the floor, I received the following message -- "failed".

Whatever! I don't need no stinkin hula hoop! Let's move on to some advanced step. I didn't fare too badly at that the other night. Yes. this is good. I'm a Calorie Roaster. That's right. Three more rotations of the advanced step and my ego was suitably repaired.

In my zeal, I thought it might be a good idea to upgrade to the "advanced" boxing, which was three minutes longer than the beginning boxing. Uh... it's not just longer. They throw some complicated combinations in there. Let's just say that I'm not gonna being sparring with Mike Tyson anytime soon. It's a good thing there wasn't a film crew around. I looked like I was having a seizure.  My ego was back in the toilet.

Ok... This game is not gonna get to me. Let's finish up with some jogging. I can't possibly screw that up. Chuga... chuga... chuga... wheez...wheez... wheez.... Wii Message "Your Pace is a bit inconsistent" "You'll burn more calories if you swing your arms".... OK - I AM SWINGING MY ARMS. AND HOW DO YOU KNOW MY PACE IS INCONSISTENT? In the end I was vindicated yet again by receiving Calorie Roaster status.

If you are not familiar with the Wii Fit. Calorie Roaster earns you two stars and is a step above Calorie burner which is only one star. I can't wait to find out what three stars will get me. Although, I fear I may be "seeing" stars before I get there.

Stay tuned for more of the "Plight of the Uncoordinated".

Cheers!
Margaret

Happy

Day 20

Happy
Pronunciation: \ˈha-pē\
Function: adjective
Definition: enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment

Happy... We are all in pursuit of our own little piece of it. Some of us fake it. Some of us feel it occasionally. A lucky few feel it all the time. And, some of us wouldn't know happy if it smacked us upside the head.

I AM HAPPY. 

Have I reached all of my goals yet? Nope.
Is it going to be easy? Nope
Am I going to be perfect? Nope

Am I on the right path doing the right things? Hell to the Yeah!

In just three short weeks I've managed to completly change the way I feel. I have more energy than I've felt in years. I wake up in the morning not nearly as grumpy as normal. I don't feel deprived in any way. I just feel good. And, that makes me happy.

It's amazing what happens when you filter out all of the junk. Don't just take my word for it... try healthy out for yourself. I highly recommend it.

Cheers!
Margaret

Stumble Don't Tumble

Day 19

Yesterday was not the most successful day. Last night, I had a seemingly uncontrollable urge to eat. I'd already consumed my six meals for the day. But, I wanted something more. And, to be honest, I'd felt that way all day. I had four crackers at lunch (dipped in the honey mustard that accompanied my sandwich). These fall into the processed foods category which I'm trying to steer clear of except on my "free" day. I knew I shouldn't have been eating them yet I ate them anyway. Then, last night around 8 pm I was standing in the kitchen with a monumental craving for peanut butter. So, I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I ate it and I moved on.

You might be asking "if you moved on, then why bring it up?" I bring it up because my emotions are directly tied to my eating habits and I believe that it's important for me to talk about it. I mindlessly ate those crackers yesterday. Maybe it was my way of thumbing my nose that the scale for not giving me the results I wanted. Regardless of the reason, I knew when I was doing it that I shouldn't be doing it yet I did it any way.

I can say that my eating the peanut butter sandwich was not a completely emotional response. I was truly hungry. I just did not get enough quality protein yesterday which triggered the craving for peanut butter. This means that I need to plan better. It doesn't mean I'm a failure. For the first time in my life, I actually believe that statement.

My motto for this journey is "Stumble Don't Tumble"

It would have been easy for me to let that PB&J trigger a downward spiral of poor eating, which would have led to giving up on myself, which would have led to the demise of this blog. Believe me, I know. It's happened before (not the blog part). I'm working from home today and I'm all alone. This has been a land mine for me in the past. There's leftover Christmas candy; plenty of chips etc. on Tony's shelf, and no one here to see me eat it. But, I don't want to do that to myself anymore. The pleasure I get in a few moments of consuming all of that crap is not worth the guilt and self loathing I would feel afterward. And, if I'm being honest, the reason I would eat all of that crap before was to fill up an emotional hole.

I have to be aware of my demons. My emotional ties to food run deep. I know what it's like to be hungry and not know where the next meal might come from. That fear of deprivation has led me to be a hoarder of sorts. I trained myself early on to eat everything that was available because I never knew when it might be available again.

There was a period of time in my early teens when it was just me and my mother. She had demons of her own and let's just say that sometimes there was simply no food in the house. I very distinctly remember mixing margarine, flour and sugar and cooking it in a skillet for a meal when I was there alone. Being a resourceful sort, I became very good at getting myself invited to eat at friends or neighbors houses. And, I'm ashamed to admit that I once snuck into a neighbor's house when they weren't home to eat their food.

By the time I moved in with my father, my relationship to food was so messed up that I felt I needed permission to eat anything in his house. (It must be said that he never did anything to make me feel this way. It was all in my head). My weight was never an issue in high school although at 135 pounds I did think I was fat. I would teeter between eating what I could get my hands on to starving myself if I felt fat. I actually starved myself down to 118 right before junior prom. 118 is an unrealistic weight for me.

As a freshman in college, armed with a meal card, I was an eating fool. I deprived myself of nothing. I gained 15 pounds. As a sophmore in college, I was on my own with no financial support outside of student loans and a job. I lost the 15 pounds. Food became a survival issue again. It became a never ending cycle. When I was flush with cash I was fat, when I was broke I was skinny. Can you imagine what happened when I got married and we both had jobs and food was plentiful? I weighed 176 the day I got married (we lived together for a year planning the wedding. I gained 40 pounds that year). Today, I weigh 243.5. It's simple math.

We have been complimented by family and friends about the fact that we always have the best snacks. I do not want anyone to feel deprived. I have a deep emotional need to make sure no one goes hungry and that the food I serve is always delicious. Logically, I know that I can still make sure no one goes hungry and that the food I serve is always delicious.

But, I also know that I have to break my emotional bonds with food. I am fighting very hard not to led it hold me hostage anymore. I have money and the food will be there. It's ok to leave some in the fridge, the pantry and even on my plate. Today, I hold my head up strong knowing that I won't let myself down and happy that I only feel a tiny urge to sneak a mini peppermint patty from the candy bowl. But, I'm not gonna.

As an aside, I'd like to thank everyone for the emails and comments. Please keep them coming. They help me more than I can possibly convey. Your support means everything. I'm grateful and blessed to have it.

Cheers!
Margaret

Healthy Inner Dialogue

Day 18

Let’s take care of first things first. There’s good news and there’s bad news. The bad news is I didn’t lose any weight this week. STUPID SCALE. However, I did drop a whopping FIVE inches. We love the tape measure. The scale can get bent!

Ok. I feel better. Now on to the purpose of today’s post.

Whether we realize it or not, we all have an inner dialogue. It’s that inner voice that convinces you to do the right thing or goes dark just when you need a voice of reason to tell you that it’s probably not a good idea to go 4-wheelin in the snow at 2 am. I belong to an online group called bflspirit.com. Many of us are starting our 2nd week of a 12 week challenge. Participants are required to keep an online journal and participate in group chats. In reading all of the posts online, I am amazed at the way we tend to talk to ourselves.

How many of us are guilty of calling ourselves stupid, fat, lazy, idiot, etc.? How many of us have beaten ourselves up over something that, in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t really matter? We say things to ourselves that we would never say to our loved ones. Would you ever tell your best friend that he or she is stupid? Doubt it. Would you tell your wife she’s fat? Not if you want to live to see tomorrow. So, why is it ok to say these things to ourselves?

I’ve been working on my inner voice for a few weeks now. And, let me tell you, she’s turning out to be a pretty good friend. (When I let her). For instance: this morning I was lying in bed telling myself that I’d workout later because I had a hard time sleeping last night. My inner voice said “Margaret, you really don’t feel that bad and you’ve been laying here for 10 minutes trying to go back to sleep and yet you’re still awake. Now get up and go do your workout. You’ll feel much better. And, you can crash and be lazy when you get home tonight.”

My inner voice was right. I do feel better and I’m looking forward to some quality lazy time in front of TV followed by going to bed at a reasonable hour. I didn’t lose weight this week. But, it’s not because I did anything wrong. In fact, I’m confident that I’m doing things right. I’m tweaking a couple of things. More water… less nuts.

Today I choose to listen to my inner voice tell me that it’s fantastic that I lost 5 inches in a week. She says keep up the good work. And, that’s what I’m going to do. What is your inner voice telling you?  Remember that you are the best friend you’re ever going to have. Act accordingly.

Cheers!
Margaret

Starting Weight 247
Current Weight 243.5
Pounds Lost: 3.5
Inches Lost: 5

• Beginning Bust: 49" Current Bust: 47” - 2.00”
• Beginning Waist: 42.75" Current Waist: 42” - 0.75”
• Beginning Hips: 53" Current Hips 52” - 1.00”
• Beginning Thighs: 29" Current Thighs: 28.5” - 0.5”
• Beginning Calves: 18" Current Calves: 18” - 0.00
• Beginning Neck: 17" Current Neck: 16” - 1.00

What A Difference A Day Makes

Day 17

I am feeling much better today. It appears that most of my issues are sinus related. I'll take that over a cold any day. My four hour nap yesterday kept me up until 3 am this morning. But, since I don't have kids, sleeping in is not an issue on the weekend.  :)

Today, I am totally back on track and back to my old self. The fridge is stocked for the week and Cardio is done for today. Tony took a picture to prove it.

It might just be me, but I think I look smaller. I definitely feel like I've lost inches. I put on an outfit this weekend that used to be so snug it cut off my circulation. I could barely wait to get it off. I was shocked when it fit comfortably.

I can tell you though that nothing will make me happier than when the day comes that the sucker is too big!

 One of my goals for this week is not to be a slave to the scale. I have a habit of weighing myself everyday. That piece of plastic, metal and batteries controls my mood and that's not a good thing. If it shows a loss I'm happy. If it shows a gain I freak out. If it stays the same I question the efficacy of my eating and my workouts.

If I know that I'm doing the right things then it doesn't matter what the scale says. If I'm not doing the right things, in my heart of hearts, I'll know it. This is a marathon and not a sprint. So, if tomorrow the scale says i weigh the same, I'm not going to sweat it. I'll keep doing what I'm doing because I know it works.

Another goal for this week is to lay off the nuts. I rely on them as a source of protein for mid meals a lot and they do add up over time. So, for this week, I'll allow nuts or nut butter for one meal a day only.

So let's recap. Fewer nuts and keep away from the scale after tomorrow. Those are good goals. I think I can do that. Here's to a great week. I'll post weight and measurements tomorrow.

Cheers!
Margaret

Pumpkin Pancakes and Bacon with a Side of OMG!

Day 16

Free Day. I woke up this morning not feeling great but excited at the prospect of heading to Mimi's Restaurant for some Pumpkin Pancakes. I'd never eaten there for breakfast and I'd been scoping out the website for days.

At first I was horrified because the Pumpkin Pancakes came with Pancakes topped with caramel apples, bacon AND 2 eggs! There's no way I could stomach all of that. I don't care if IT IS free day. So, I ordered a mimosa, the pancakes with no topping and a side of bacon. I LOVE bacon about as much as I love butter.

The pancakes were delicious. The bacon divine. I'll admit that I ate all 4 pieces of mine and one of Tony's for a total of 5. I ate two pancakes (there were SIX!) And, the Mimosa was also very yummy. But, I couldn't shake the fact that I just didn't feel well at all.

By the time we got home, I had decided that I needed to lie down for a little bit. This turned into 4 hours. About 2 hours into my long winter's nap, I was jolted awake by the uncontrollable urge to purge (sorry TMI ... I know). My yummy decadent free day breakfast that was so awesome going down was NOT so awesome in its coming back to haunt me.

I don't know if it was the fact that I already didn't feel well (and still don't) OR the fact that I've had neither butter nor bacon since Christmas OR the fact that I had a mimosa with breakfast OR a disasterous convergence of all three culminating in my gastric distress.

Whatever the reason, my free day has not been everything I dreamed it would be. This wonderfully indulgent feast was not worth the ultimate price i paid for it. I still don't feel well and it could be the beginnings of a cold that has been going around.

Adversity is the true test of a person's resolve. If it is a cold, I'll battle my way through it and I won't use it as an excuse to backslide into old behaviors. Either way, I'll get up tomorrow and resume my clean eating and instense exercising because that's what it takes to achieve what I've set out to do. Stick with me if I complain my way through it.

Cheers!
Margaret

Walking On Sunshine

Day 15

What a day! I woke up this morning with a smile on my face despite the fact that I knew my next task was to get dressed and lug my butt downstairs and get crackin on my upper body workout. It was like the clouds parted and the sun was beaming down on me.

This week was a lot of work and it was a huge success. I had many opportunities to stumble and fall. I sidestepped them all. I'm realistic enough to know that all weeks won't be like this. But, I'm basking in the glow of my own triumph tonight.

Tomorrow is free day. I'm planning on enjoying some Pumpkin Pancakes with my fella in the morning. Beyond that I have no plan.... well except for a cardio workout. I'm still a little sore. But, tonight I can honestly say this is the best I've felt about myself in a really really long time.

I had a nice healthy dinner with great friends tonight and they were so supportive of my needs. I have wonderful support around me. It makes all the difference. I cannot wait to see what kind of adventure comes my way tomorrow.

Cheers!
Margaret

My Future Vision

Day 14

In my mind's eye I can see the day when me and my girlfriends can shop at the same stores. Most of them don't realize that they don't sell my size at Ann Taylor Loft, The Gap, The Limited, New York & Co. or Banana Republic. When I wear something cute and they ask where I got it, I'm embarrassed because my answer is usually the same "Lane Bryant... they don't sell your size there." I'm at least six months away from achieving that dream.

So, for now, I'll concentrate on a more short term goal. In March, I will be at the races in Bristol. We camp at Race Day Center and there is a HUGE hill that I've always dreamed of climbing. I'm not talking about the hill from the street to our campsite. While it is big and generally makes me feel bad about myself, it's nothing compared to this hill. To me it might as well be the highest peak in Bristol.

Anyway, I've always wondered what the view from the top of that hill would be like at sunrise. I've got an awesome papparazzi camera and I want to hike to the top of it and take pictures. My friend Brian, who will be there too, got a paparazzi camera for Christmas. Perhaps he'll go with me. I'm fairly certain that none of the rest of my crew will much feel like getting up before the crack of dawn to scale a mountain. I probably won't either. But, that won't keep me from doing it. Torrential rains might make for crappy pictures. If so, I'll save the dream for when we go back in August. :)

I've got plenty of time to build my endurance. And, I'm going to be getting a little help from my wonderful husband. He has bought me a Wii Fit Plus for Valentines Day. Between Wii, Jillian Michaels, my treadmill and weights... I should be all set.

Cheers!
Margaret

The Devil on My Shoulder

Day 12

I knew this day would come. There would eventually come a time when stress would try to dictate my behavior and give this new lifestyle I've got going a run for its money.

Today, I got a real glimpse at what it must be like to try and quit smoking. My stress hormones were working overtime. More than once I felt the compulsion to eat or have a diet soda. It's like I had a devil on my right shoulder and an angel on my left shoulder both at war over my soul.

I'm battle weary and bruised. But, my soul is in tact. It was hard. Really Hard! At times this new way of living felt more like a prison sentence than a fresh start. But, I know that's just crazy talk. The fact is I feel a lot better tonight having kept my resolve than I ever would have if i'd just given up.

It also doesn't hurt that I know you guys are all out there reading this and cheering me on. In fact, I walked through the door at the office this morning and was immediately met with "did you get up and workout this morning?" Accountability makes a huge difference. So, thank you.

Day 12 of healthy living and I'm still here.

Cheers!
Margaret

The "Dr" Made Me Do It

Day 12

Was it the glistening can just sitting there in the refrigerator next to the bottled water that made me do it? Was it the thought of its unique blend of 23 flavors? Or, was it the raging headache that two doses of Excedrin couldn't touch that finally made me do it?

Do the excuses really matter? I made the choice. I succumbed to it of my own free will. And, I have to say, it was the most amazing Diet Dr. Pepper ever! Sometimes, you just have to have that thing you really want so you'll stop obsessing about it. My obsession with the Diet Dr. Pepper started yesterday. Now that I've had one, I'm over it. And, let's be real, I could have done way worse than a Diet Dr. Pepper.

It was my 2nd day of "real" exercise today as well. And, yes, I still hate... I mean love... no.. I mean hate...yep that's it... hate Jillian Michaels. In fact I may hate her even more today than yesterday. My abs hurt like hell and my arms are like limp noodles. And, I'm fairly certain that when I wake up tomorrow morning to torture myself all over again that my ass is gonna drag behind in protest.

I'm a bit trapped by my environment this week. We are implementing a marketing automation tool at work, which includes five days of intense work and training. I very happily report that I'm doing the right things (my daliance with Dr. Pepper notwithstanding). It feels great.

Cheers!
Margaret

Dear Jillian Michaels,
Bring it! It's true that I can barely make it through the modified version of your level 1 workout. But, I"m no quitter. You will not beat me. I'm sure that over time, my disdain will turn to admiration and respect. Bear with me. I'm working on it.

No Room for Negativity

Day 11

I'd lay odds that if everyone reading this blog really thought about it, you could name at least one person in your life that just isn't good for you. Why is it so easy for us to get bogged down in other people's crap? I wish I knew the answer to that question. If I did, I wouldn't have had trouble falling asleep last night. And, I'd have an easier time writing this post tonight. I've been through about three versions of this post and they were all a bit negative in scope.

I've got no room for negativity these days so I threw them out in favor of sharing good news. Week One Weigh In is 243.5. That's a 3.5 pound loss! I made it through a difficult night and day without comforting myself with food. And, I got up at 6 am this morning to work out with Jillian Michaels (who, by the way, may be the devil!). I'd say that makes for a pretty great day. The icing on my healthy cake today is a dinner with a vendor that was totally and completely on plan.

One thing I know is certain... tonight, I will sleep like a baby.

Cheers!
Margaret

The Great Pantry Purge

Day 10

It's finally done. The great Pantry Purge of 2010 has been completed. My husband doesn't like the shelf I gave him because he can't see what's on it. Well, I can't either and that's the point. Sorry babe.

So, it all started out like this. The pantry was stuffed to the gills with crap that I hardly ever use. Note to self: Stop buying brown sugar every time you want to bake something. YOU HAVE PLENTY.

For the record, I did not throw away all my flour and sugar. But, it is on the very top shelf which requires a footstool for me to reach it. Free days and baking go together like peas and carrots. But, I digress.

I know that Jon and Brian have reached for the paper sacks to keep from hyperventilating over my lack of organization. Warning boys, it gets worse before it gets better. But, it does get better. :)


I set out three bins for my endeavor. A Keep, Toss, and Tony bin were all labeled.

When is was all said and done, the keep bins looked like this. Mine is on the left.

The Toss Bin looked like this! I ended up throwing out three large green bags of crap!

But Drum Roll Please.... It was worth it. Now my Pantry looks like this!

It's been a fairly uneventful day in the Angell household. Skully (aka Tony) is sick. He's been getting TLC while he's awake and I've been purging pantries and making soup while he snoozed. Yes, I finally made the Taco Soup.  It was delicious!

I did something else today too. I took some "Before" pics. (Dixie - stop reading now) No... no... not bikini pics. I did take them. But, hell would have to freeze over for me to post them here. So, you people get the Rated G for (GUT!) version.

Woof... Don't even get me started. I've cornered the market on extra chins and spare tires. My only comfort right now is the knowledge that it's only going to get better from here.

Weigh in tomorrow morning. I'm super excited about it. Exercise starts for real tomorrow morning. I'll be honest. I'm not super excited about that. But, it's necessary and I will do it! Doesn't mean I won't complain.

By the way. Don't feel sorry for me and these pics. I did this to myself and I will do whatever it takes to undo it.

Cheers!

Margaret

Living Free

Day 9

Free Day.

This has been an awesome day not because it's free day and I can eat whatever I want, but because I have made it through without feeling guilty or like a failure. I was a bit apprehensive about today. The whole point of having a free day each week is to give your body a chance to indulge. The key word being "indulge". There's a BIG difference between indulgence and excess and I'm trying very hard to get a handle on the meaning of "difference".

In his New York Times Best Selling book Body for Life, Bill Phillips talks about eating a clean diet and exercising intensely six days a week. He encourages everyone taking his Body For Life Challenge to give themselves one day a week when they eat whatever they want. If you wake up and want Bacon, eggs and biscuits for breakfast... do it. If you want to turn around and have a Quater Pounder meal for lunch... be his guest! Enchiladas for dinner... You Heard Him... Go for it. Then you turn around and start all over with your clean eating ways the following day. 

The idea is that eventually you'll discover that you feel so crappy after eating all of this junk that you will not want it anymore. This concept really isn't all that new it's just packaged differently. Other plans advocate a cheat meal each week. And still other folks will say eat healthfully 80 % of the time so that you can indulge 20% of the time. No matter how you look at it, this is just another way of saying "practice moderation".

The thing is moderation has always been a problem for me. I'm a hedonist from way back. If it feels good or tastes good, I say enjoy it! There is no such thing as too much of a good thing... that is until you wake up with a screaming hangover or a giant ass!

So here I am looking into the abyss. It's my first free day of 2010. Oh how many times in the last 7 or 8 years have I been here and never crossed over to the other side? Is today the day that I make the leap? Is today the day when I finally learn the difference between indulgence and excess? Is today the day that I put my "future vision" of a lean healthy body into practice? Pardon my language... YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT IS!

Did I indulge today? Yes. I slept in. It was awesome. I had pizza for lunch. Two Slices not SIX! I had popcorn and a diet soda at the movies. No BUTTER and only about a 1/3 of the bag. I had a healthy dinner and followed it up with once of my Christmas Stocking treats -- a Harry & David Moose Munch Bar. (Sorry Gina, I'm saving the Chocolate Bacon Bar for a really special day). Tomorrow, it's back to my clean ways and I'm not depressed about it at all.

Today, for the first time in I cannot remember how long, I actually felt.... free.

Cheers!
Margaret

Mama Said

Day 8

Mama always said there'd be days like these.

Days... when you're so busy that you look up at 11:30 and realize that you forgot to eat your snack. Days... when people won't cooperate with you and make you want to scream. Days...when you don't feel good. And Days when you just want to throw in the towel all together.

For me, today was one of "those" days. But, I never once considered throwing in the towel. I did have a couple of backsliding moments of weakness. I considered going to Jimmy Johns for dinner because I forgot to throw the stuff in the crockpot for Taco Soup this morning. I offered to switch my free day to today so that my husband could have pizza on Friday. (He wisely said "no no". Thanks baby) 

I got my head screwed on straight and stopped at the grocery store on my way home from work. I stocked up on produce and bought something else to cook for dinner. Now, I'm full of some real food instead of fast food and I'm better for it.

Building a "new me" is hard work. It's sort of like building a new house. You drive by at the end of the first week and you're super excited to find that the foundation is poured and then it's three months before a single wall is framed.

I'm aware that it will be several weeks before the changes being made on the inside will be visible on the outside. I just have to practice patience (of which I have very little). Instead of obsessing over what's not happening on the outside, I'm going to remember how good I feel right now. And, when I'm tempted to eat emotionally, I'll take my friend Dixie's advice... "Go outside and hit a tree with a baseball bat." She told me that today and it made me laugh out loud. That one little piece of humor was the thing that kept me from stomping to the soda machine a grabbing a Diet Coke in anger.

So, my foundation is poured. Now, it's time to frame this sucker up. Next week, 6 days a week of exercise begins. I hope my life insurance is paid up.

Cheers!
Margaret

Opinions are like... everybody's got one

Day 7

Ever notice when you make a life change of any sort that every one has an opinion and they're not afraid to share it? This is not necessarily a bad thing. Part of the reason we go public with things is because we want support, validation, recognition and maybe even advice.

The outpouring of support that I've received from my friends and my husband has been fantastic. Everyone is in my corner and cheering me on. It helps motivate me. So, please don't stop and don't be afraid to ask me about it.

However, I've also been subjected to some of the most ridiculous bits of advice and some negativity as well. There are people in this world who really don't want you to succeed because if you do, it might suggest that something is wrong or lacking in their own lives.
And God forbid you announce that you are making a lifestyle change which includes losing 100 pounds. First, the look of shock on people's faces is kinda funny. It's like they are processing the question... "if she wants to lose 100 pounds just how fat is she?" Then, there is the assumption that you just won't be any fun anymore because you've given up everything in life that means anything.... Candy, Chips, Fried Foods, Alcohol... They don't want to give it up so they are like "really" ... are you sure? Do you really even need to lose that much weight? Then there are other well-meaning people who just want to tell you about the latest fad diet that they swear helped their cousin lose a ton of weight. It's exhausting.

So, I'll set the record straight...

• I'm still fun
• I'll still make yummy treats from time to time
• I'm not on a diet and I'm not banishing anything from my life forever. I am eliminating processed foods from my life 80% of the time so that 20% of the time I can indulge without guilt, remorse, diabetes, a stroke, or a heart attack.
• It's ok if you don't change a thing. What's right for me may not be right for you and that's ok. I'm not an expert on anyone or anything but what's right for me. 

I hope this puts everyone that might be uncomfortable about my choice at ease. Also, there's no need to feel sorry for me because I feel fantastic. It's ok to eat whatever you want in front of me. It doesn't bother me.

Cheers!
Margaret

Check Your Dignity at the Door

Day 6


Can I get a Dignity Check on the 10th Floor of Two American Center? I'm pretty sure mine has left the building. I just finished my 10 flights down and 10 flights up challenge. And, I've decided that somewhere between the 3rd and 5th flights of the up portion of this journey my dignity said "Hell with this" and simply ran off.

And, if a flight of stairs at work is the same distance as two flights at home, isn't it really 20 flights of stairs? I'm just sayin. I'm blogging a little early today because it's that time of month when I pay my hairdresser to make the gray go away so that I have as few reminders as possible that I'm 42 and not 32.

It's been a challenging day so far. Last night I froze 1/2 a banana for my protein shake this morning ... with the peel on. In case you were wondering, it doesn't just come right off. Lesson learned. So my shake was just some protein powder and skim milk. That is not enough to fuel your body for the day. I was hungry again at 9:30. So, against my better judgement, I went down to Carries (our convenience store in the building) and bought some oatmeal. For the most part, this was a good decision. But, it must be noted that prepackaged oatmeal is also packed with a lot of refined sugar, which is something I'm trying to steer clear of. That said, it was the best option available so I took it. I added some almonds for protein and felt much better.

Lunch time rolled around and I had brought leftover Chowder from last night. I really wasn't feeling the chowder today. I decided to check out the cafe in our building which I normally hate with a passion. But, she does have a decent salad bar and I'm trying to be buddies with the owner so she'll tell me what's in stuff when I ask. Anyway, I digress. Today, they had Chili and it looked really good and loaded with lots of kidney beans. Once I discovered what was in it (lean ground beef, kidney beans, onions and spices), I decided it was ok for me to eat it. It was also loaded with fiber. I added a salad and was on my way upstairs.

I was mindlessly checking email when I came across one from a vendor who's going to be here all next week..... "Margaret, I'd like to take you and your team to dinner Monday night." WHAT? How dare he? Does he not know that I've got a blog about losing 100 pounds in only ONE year?  A bead of sweat popped up on my forehead, my palms began to sweat, and my heart began pounding outside of my chest. Yes... sheer panic had set in.

WAIT!!! HOLD ON A MINUTE!!!

This is the point of my post. While the whole "Check your dignity at the door" thing is a bit tongue in cheek, there's some truth to it. I can't be afraid to ask for what I need or do what it takes to get healthy no matter how stupid I might think I look. We often judge ourselves much more harshly that we are being judged by others. Yes, my hair is now in a ponytail at my desk and most of my makeup is gone from SweatFest 2010. So what? And, the truth is, I'm in complete control of where we have dinner on Monday. I've already checked the menus of three restaurants and I'm good. However, I did decide that Stoney River is not an option because I'm a fan of meat and I just don't see myself passing up a thick juicy steak. And, I really don't see myself only eating 1/2 of it and taking the rest home. A gal's got to know her limits.

I still have one hurdle to cross today. I won't be getting home until well after 8:00 tonight. Originally, I planned on Sandwiches. But, now I'm thinking it's sandwiches for my man and a stir fry with chicken, mushrooms, carrots, snowpeas and brown rice for me (which he won't eat. he's been to the motherland. Chinese is not his thing)

Cheers!
Margaret

When Life Gets In the Way

Day 5

I am beginning to think that dark forces are conspiring to keep my from my quest to purge my pantry! Sometimes life just gets in the way. So... now I have a ton of healthy staples stuffed in there right along with the crap.

Today is one of those days when life seems to be messing with all of my good intentions. My shopping trip to Publix was intended to be pleasant. It was a freakin nightmare. There's a chance of snow starting tomorrow afternoon and the threat of snow in the south makes otherwise sane people act like they need a straight jacket. I was forced to buy frozen chicken breasts because all of the fresh ones were gone. There was nary a boneless breast in sight. Don't even get me started on the whole bread and milk thing.

By the time I got home from Publix it was 7:30. Late again. My plan was to make Clam Chowder from an Eating Clean Magazine Recipe. Old Margaret would've said "Screw it" and popped a Totinos pizza in the oven. New Margaret was having none of that. It's simmering as I type. And, I'm blogging to keep myself from eating something stupid because I'm starving and grumpy from my Publix experience. I'm practicing controlling my rage. :)

Speaking of my Publix experience. If you're the bag boy and you see me place all of my groceries on the belt in a certain order being careful to separate my items neatly into categories so they can be bagged together, does it not stand to reason that that's the freakin way I want them to be bagged?!? Why dear bag boy would you put my brand new issue of Oxygen Magazine in the same bag with the Ice Cream? (which by the way is my husband's not mine!)

I'm proud of myself. I didn't binge on junk as soon as I walked through the door. My made from scratch Clam Chowder is going to be good for me AND yummy.

Oh, I almost forgot... I managed to get some exercise in today by walking down and then up 10 flights of stairs (on purpose). I seriously thought I needed oxygen, an IV, a gurney and some smelling salts by the time I reached the top. But, I did it.

Day Five you tried to kick my ass. Nice try. I WIN... you lose! Day Six you better bring it!

Cheers!
Margaret

And so it begins

Day 4

My first post noted a starting weight of 249 lbs. I mentioned that my goal was to maintain my weight during my long weekend trip to Ohio. I must report that I did not maintain my weight. I LOST weight. I'm happy to reveal a 2 lb weight loss for last week!!!! Yahoo!!!!

I never once felt deprived. I subscribed to an 80/20 rule that proved to be just the ticket. 80% Healthy Choices with 20% indulgence.

So Starting Stats for my One Year to Lose One Hundred Pounds journey are as follows:

• Beginning Weight: 247
• Beginning Bust: 49"
• Beginning Waist: 42.75"
• Beginning Hips: 53"
• Beginning Thighs: 29"
• Beginning Calves: 18"
• Beginning Neck: 17"
• Beginning Cholesterol: 225
• Estimated Beginning Bodyfat: 53%

These measurements are depressing as hell. But, I will not be thwarted. Remember that I'm breaking this year out into 12 week cycles. My goals for the first 12 weeks are:

• Lose 25 lbs
• Improve cardiovascular fitness to the point where I can jog a mile
• Reduce my cholesterol by 25 points

I will achieve these goals by eating six well balance meals per day and exercising 6 days per week. I will allow myself one free day each week to eat whatever I want. During vacation periods, I will adhere to an 80/20 rule. 80% quality food and 20% splurge. For the most part, I will be elminating most processed foods from my diet except on free day. There will be some convienence food exceptions that are generally recognized as authorized in a "clean" diet. I will not be taking any diet pills of any sort and I will be using a home gym and the great outdoors for my exercise.

I aim to prove that it is possible to lose a significant amount of weight without pricey gym memberships, personal chefs or personal trainers. I will make an effort to provide links to only free resources and I will note any extra activity that costs money. For instance, there is a Zumba class at my church that costs $3.00. I'm thinking of trying it out.

I'm not going to post my meals everyday as I think that would be boring. But, I am posting them today along with my water intake just to give you an idea of what I'm doing. Many of you have asked so here you go...

Water Intake today: 3 liters
Meal One: 1 scoop AdvantEDGE Chocolate Soy Protein Powder (available at Walmart) blended with 6 ounces of skim milk and a handful of ice cubes.
Meal Two: 1/2 Myoplex Chocolate Chocolate Chip Protein Bar
Meal Three: Cajun Grilled Chicken Breast, One Cup of Roasted Vegetables, and a 1/2 cup of brown rice (whole food hot food bar)
Meal Four: Apple with 1 ounce of Natural Almond Butter (Justin's individually packed available at Whole Foods)
Meal Five: 5 ounce Pork Loin Chop, 1/2 cup instant mashed potatoes, and Green Giant for One Broccoli
Meal Six: 1 scoop AdvantEDGE Chocolate Soy Protein; handful of frozen cherries; and 6 ounces skim milk blended.

Cheers!
Tomorrow the Great Pantry Purge! I'll post pics.

Margaret

The Long Road Home

Day 3

Today was a travel day. I have to tell you that I've been hit with every temptation that could possibly be thrown my way today. When you know you're going to be on the road for 8 or 9 hours, the temptation is not to drink water in order to minimize stops. Then there's the whole fast food thing and the stopping to get gas at convenience stores. Candy bars, chips, burgers, fries and sodas OH MY!

When you're hungry and tired the temptation to comfort yourself with a big juicy hamburger is strong. In fact, you probably don't even realize your doing it. But, today I had the strength of a lion. Breakfast was the light version of what we like to call the "Yankee Breakfast Sandwich". Regular version is two fried eggs, cheese, and sausage on toast which is usually buttered. My friend Andy was kind enough to lighten it up for me. He already had his head in the right place by serving them with lean ham. He made mine with one scrambled egg, no cheese and dry toast. (THANKS BRO!) It must be said here that Andy was a cooking fool this weekend. His Kielbasa and Saurkraut New Year's Day was nothing short of perfection.

We hit the road this morning about 10:30 am Central and GPS had us arriving at home around 6:40. Fat chance. I knew that was never going to happen. This southern gal had to navigate through a little snow on the way out of town and since we aren't used to what happens to your car when it's a balmy 14 degrees outside, I quickly discovered that the windshield wiper fluid was blocked by ice. This added 20 minutes to the trip. Then, there was a road closure in Columbus due to the Ohio State Buckeyes return home from their Rose Bowl win. (Go Buckeyes!) Add in a wrong turn and there's another 20 minutes. By the time we got out of that mess my first liter of water kicked in and then came yet another stop and about 8 minutes added to the trip.

I was prepared food wise with an apple, some protein bars and almonds to get me through to our next real meal. I settled on 1/2 a protein bar. My goal was to eat every few hours. I didn't want to get to the point that I was so ravenous that I didn't have my wits about me when it came time to choose a healthy(ish) lunch. Of the options available, we decided that the KFC/Long John Silver's combo restaurant would be the best bet. Don't laugh, it's true! I had the 395 calorie meal (2 pieces of Kentucky Grilled Chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes). I did allow myself a diet soda here. It was my third of the entire long weekend, which is a huge improvement over my 2-3 a day habit of the past. Thirty seven minutes added to the trip and we were back on the road again.

Later in the day, I added some air popped popcorn and nuts to my stash of snacks along with another liter of water. Do I even need to say that this made a couple of more restroom breaks necessary? Around 7 pm, I had a choice, we could press on, get home around 8:15 and end up eating at 9:00 or we could stop and eat dinner on the road. I didn't want to eat that late because this is a dangerous time for me. I tend to lose my mind when I eat at night. We hit the Subway in Bowling Green, Kentucky and I chose a 6 Inch Roast Beef on Wheat with apples and lemonde this time.

We finally hit the door around 9 pm and I've already unpacked my clothes. This is also something I never do. I am tired, but nowhere near as exhausted as I would usually be. I think the fact that I got a good night's sleep last night and I kept my body fueled all day has helped keep my energy up. I can go to bed feeling good about my choices.

I'll weigh in tomorrow morning and we'll see how well I did with my goal of not gaining any weight during the holiday weekend. I'll post my measurements then as well.

Tomorrow is a brand new day. What will you do with it?

Margaret