Brick by Brick

Day 31

Transform

Pronunciation: \tran(t)s-ˈfȯrm\
Function: verb
A : to change in composition or structure
B: to change the outward form or appearance of
C: to change in character or condition.

I've been thinking a lot today about transformation and what it really means. I'm rebuilding myself brick by brick. But, it's not just about an exterior renovation. To me, a true transformation is about transforming from the inside out — letting go of old unhealthy ways of thinking, acting and reacting and replacing that thinking with new beliefs about healthy living and about myself. It's not just a skin-deep process.

Oh how many times have I attempted to lose weight? I've lost count.
How many times have I attempted a true transformation from the inside out? Just this one.

I don't mind tellin ya that I'm a classic avoider. I will go to almost any length to keep my own pain from bubbling to the surface. I have stuffed my feelings with food. I've avoided situations that may be uncomfortable. I've kept my mouth shut when I should have spoken up and I've lashed out inappropriately when I'm past my emotional limit. I'm great at being there for others. But, I've never been particularly good at showing up for myself.

These days I'm trying to "feel my feelings when I feel them" as opposed to eating them, avoiding them, or letting them spill out with a abandon. I've let go of the past. And, I'm embracing healhier ways of venting my frustrations. I actually talk about my feelings with my husband these days. He's really good about letting me just talk it out. He knows that I don't need him to fix it for me. I just need an outlet to get it all out. I appreciate him so much for this.

All of these internal changes are manifesting themselves externally as well. I think this is and will continue to be my key to weight loss success. Step by step, brick by brick, I'll get there. I'm buiding on top of a firm foundation. I've ripped out the old one and replaced it with something solid.

Cheers!
Margaret