Frailty

Day 157

In my head I know just how lucky I am to be surrounded by people who genuinely love and respect me. But, sometimes insecurity gets the better of me and leaves me feeling a bit fragile. This blog notwithstanding, there are a lot of feelings that I just don't talk about. More often than not, I'd rather hear about what's going right or wrong in your world than talk about what's going on in mine. In fact, helping a friend or loved one talk through their issues makes me feel better about my own. It's crazy. I know. But, it brings me peace to be a source of comfort for others.

Maybe it's a fear of judgement or rejection that keeps me from leaning on other people for support. I actually apologized to a couple of friends this week because one night I broke down and started crying about something that's been bothering me lately. Logically, I know there was no need to apologize. These people love me and understand that it's hard for me. It's not like I just found out. I've been dealing with this for about a year now. Most days I'm perfectly at peace with the cards I've been dealt. But, I'm human and sometimes it makes me sad.

I also have a tendency to eat my pain rather than talk about it. So, I'm going to try something a little different and just be open about that fact that I'm struggling. I'm fighting some insecurities and feeling a bit sad about things I can do nothing about. I know that these feelings will pass. They always do. I just have to get through it. However, I'd like to get through it without having it show up on my ass for a change.

Perhaps my own occasional frailty is what motivates me to be there for others. If I care about you, you'll know it because I'll make a point to tell you. I think it's important to tell the people you care about just how awesome you think they are. You never know.... That might be just the thing they need to hear at just the right time. 

Cheers!
Margaret