Day 240,
As a plus size gal, my shopping choices are limited. There's Lane Bryant (I affectionately refer to her as "the Giant"), Catherines (old lady clothes), and The Avenue (crap) on the regular retail front. Then there are some higher end internet options like Igigi and Kyonnna, both of which have awesome clothes that I can't normally bring myself to spend money on. $150 for a dress is more than I can stomach...
Anyway, I am constantly "floored" by what people consider to be a "plus sized" woman. Take this picture for instance.
If this is what Plus size really means, then sign me up. This woman is beautiful and not at all overweight.
What does it say about our society when we tell women that if they are this size, it means they are fat?!?! Look at the definition in this woman's arms? She is fit. Now if only my chest would stay in that position when I lie down.... Alas... she's probably 23 and I'm 43 so without some duct tape and a harness, it's not likely to happen.
Kidding aside, If I can come close to achieving this shape, I (AND my husband) will be jumping for joy.
I can count on one hand the number of people I know who are a size 2. They are beautiful women. But, they are not the norm. Granted, an inordinate number of Americans are obese. But, if you look at what a healthy weight/BMI is for a woman, she would come closer to looking like the picture above, NOT the picture below:
Don't get me wrong, this gal is beautiful. But, about 1% of the population looks like her. Perhaps that's the point. I'm sure the men who read my blog would agree that both women are beautiful and neither of them are fat. Personally, I think model number two is too skinny. But, that could just be jealousy talking. For all I know, she has to fight like hell to stay above a hundred pounds. (I do have friends that have trouble keeping weight ON. Seriously. I guess we all have our crosses to bear.)
I guess I've gone off on a bit of a tangent today. But, I couldn't help myself. I got an email from Lane Bryant and I was struck by how "un-plus" size the model on the advertisement is. On the one hand, she gives me a real shape to aspire to. But, on the other, it's just a sad commentary about the world we live in when we tell this gorgeous lady that she's too fat to be a "real" model. But, that it's ok for her to model "plus" size clothing.
On to other news... Yesterday was MUCH better on the food front. I ate:
Breakfast: Myoplex
Lunch: 1/2 of a Totinos Pizza
Dinner: 1 serving Bumble Bee Tuna; 1 tbls light mayo; 1 salad pocket and a serving of pretzels
Snack: 1: 1 oz roasted, unsalted cashews
Snack 2: Toast Chee Reduced Fat Peanut Butter Crackers.
The Daily Tally was: 1428 calories; 42% Carbs; 36% fat; 22% Protein
I nearly screwed it up today. But, I caught myself. It's been raining here at "Camp Gitty Up". We didn't eat breakfast because no one wanted to deal with the mess. By the time we hit Walmart it was around 11 and we were both starving. Walmart has a McDonalds in it. DANGER DANGER DANGER...
I bellied up to the counter and ordered my trusty #3 with no onions, no ketchup and diet coke to drink. When my food came I realized that "their" #3 was different than the #3 I usually order. It was a DOUBLE quarter pounder. So, I ate 1/2 of it and about a 1/3 of the fries. Crisis averted. I left 372 calories on the table yesterday and we're having a very healthy Cajun Shrimp Stir Fry for dinner tonight. I plan to indulge in the nectar of the Gods tonight ... also known as Michelob Ultra... But, I will keep it reasonable (maybe).
Cheers!
Margaret
Beginning Weight: 259
Current Weight: 232
Day 239
I've been going about this all wrong. Well, not "all" wrong. But, I've had a eureka moment that I simply must share. A friend of mine "T" sent me a link to a new blog a few weeks ago. It's called Losing Weight Every Day. It's the daily diary of a winning loser. This guy lost 200 lbs in one year. Back up and read that again... I'll wait.
Ok... now that this information has had a moment to sink in... He is roughly 16 pounds from his goal of losing 275 pounds. It's quite remarkable really. But, it's these words that I found profound.
"I needed to confront my behaviors with food in everyday situations, and it had to be head on with real food like everybody else eats. I then determined that nothing was off limits. I could eat anything I wanted, and I mean anything! That element of my journey has been one of the keys to success, because if nothing is off limits, then I'll never feel deprived...and I'll never feel defeated because I enjoyed something that conventional weight loss wisdom says you can't have if you want to lose weight."
I also believe this journey is 20% what you eat and how often you move and 80% MENTAL. Sometimes I really feel that I am battling an addiction. It's not like smoking or drinking. I can't just "quit" eating. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to minimize the severity of Alcoholism or Smoking. I grew up with an addict and I know first hand just how destructive those addictions can be. But, food addictions are just as real... just as destructive...
It's not the regular behaviors that keep me fat. It's the irregular behaviors that I rarely, if ever, talk about that keep me fat. What you "see" me eat is not the issue. It's what you don't "see" me eat that haunts me. It's a lot more under control today than it was months ago. But, I still battle and fight the urge to raid my kitchen and eat everything in sight when I'm by myself. Sometimes I wish I had a shock collar that would zap me back into reality when I go down this path. While I might feel good about it in the "moment", that moment invariably passes and I'm left feeling defeated and ashamed.
On my way to work this morning I wondered to myself... "What happened to the fire in my belly? Why is this so hard today, when it was so easy in the beginning?" Nothing has really changed except my perception. It's a lack of confidence that is weighing me down along with a good dose of denial. While I appreciate the comments about muscle weighing more than fat, the truth is I have not been doing the work. I've been eating like the old Margaret and wondering "why" the scale isn't moving down. The only reason I haven't gained weight is because I'm exercising.
This is WHY I haven't lost any weight. Yesterday I ate:
Breakfast: Myoplex Shake
Lunch: Little Bacon Cheeseburger and Seasoned Fries from Five Guys Burgers and Fries
Snack 1: Ice Cream Sandwich
Snack 2: Snickers (stressed b/c I can't find a temporary marketing assistant to help while regular person is on Maternity leave)
Dinner: 6" Tuna on wheat and bag of Cool Ranch Doritos
Snack 3: Slim-a-bear Ice cream (Ate it because I "have" to have "dessert" which is BS!)
Snack 4: Single Serve popcorn with 2 tbls butter. (Wasn't even hungry. Just ate for the sake of eating it)
2707 Calories; 49% Fat; 38% Carbs; 13% protein.
Unacceptable.
I could have easily reigned this in to the following:
Breakfast: Myoplex Shake
Lunch: Little Hamburger and Seasoned Fries
Snack: Fruit and String Cheese
Dinner: Roast Beef on Wheat and a Bag of Baked Lays
Snack: Slim-A-Bear Ice Cream
1668 calories; 31% Fat; 48% Carbs and 21% Protein.
Not perfect. But, WAY healthier.
Typically, a balanced diet should work out to 40% Protein; 30% Carbs; 30% fat.
Today is going much better so far. I'll let you know how it works out. But, I have to say that knowing I'll have to put it down here will make it a lot easier to be reasonable. Looking back and what I ate yesterday is Eye Opening or shall I say... it's a EUREKA moment! :)
Cheers!
Margaret
Day 228
I just can't seem to get my head out of my _ _ _ (fill in the blank with the appropriate three letter word). I seem to have fallen of the nutrition wagon and I don't mean a little stumble either. I mean... I fell off a cliff, slammed on every single pointy rock on the way down before landing in a ravine. I'm in need of a first responder... an EMT... A paramedic... a Snake Oil Salesman... Or, at the very least a hyptnotist.
Seriously, WTF? What is it about human nature that causes us to walk away when things get tough? This is really what it's all about. Logically, I know it. My weight loss stalled. I wasn't seeing the results I felt I should be seeing given the level of effort so I mentally gave up.
It's hard for me to type this too. You have no idea how hard it is. My tendency is to run and hide when stuff like this happens. It's pretty much a safe bet that when I disappear, something is wrong. I don't like admitting problems. And, I certainly don't like facing them. I'm a classic avoider and a notorious procrastinator. It's easier to say "I don't have time to blog." But, in the interest of keeping it real, I'll be honest. I skip because I don't want to admit failure. If I write, I have to be accountable. And, if I have to admit a mistake, I'd just as soon ignore it all together.
I actually had little thoughts swimming in my head about shutting this blog down. (don't worry. I"m not gonna. that's the ultimate failure. I can't do that.) I've even entertained a couple of crash diets. Have you heard about the HCG diet? You take these hormone drops and then essentially eat like a rabbit for three weeks. Then, I considered giving up all carbs for a month. (Really?) I'm sure it works in the short term. But, let's face it, I've got a long term issue. A crash diet is not going to solve my problems. Those solutions are only designed to help me NOT face the fact that I've been slacking for a while now.
Weight Loss is like anything if you want to reap the rewards, you have to do the work. There are no short cuts. No matter how much I wish there were.
So, I'll admit it. I'm disgusted and I'm at an impasse. All I can say is Thank God my weight loss has just stalled. I don't think I could handle it if I'd gained the weight back.
Failure is not an option. I can do this. NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES.
Now that I've got the negative stuff out of the way, let's talk positives. Yesterday's leg workout was awesome. I'm really starting to get stronger. Today is cardio. I'm not looking forward to it. But, we leave for Bristol tomorrow and I can't afford to skip any workouts.
FYI - Blogging from the race will be a challenge. But, at least my nifty new Droid Incredible gives me access. They keyboard makes a long post nearly impossible. But, I can definitely deliver one or two lines. I commit to daily blogging no matter what I have to share.
Cheers!
Margaret
Beginning Weight: 259
Current Weight: 232
* You will start seeing this at the bottom of all my posts. Keeping it real. No more hiding from the truth.
Day 223
Sore doesn't even begin to cover how I felt when I woke up this morning. Add a huge sinus headache on top of it and one can understand that it took me quite a while to find my "happy place." Even my "angry" Ipod playlist on my way to work didn't help... :)
It's no secret to my friends that work has been stressing me out lately. It's manisfested itself in some pretty stupid emotional eating too. But, we won't go there tonight. Today's stress was no different from any other. But, I did come to work with my head on reasonably straight (after a bottle of water, a Diet Coke, A Claritin and two Excedrin).
I had a meeting with a superior first thing that went about how I expected it would go, but not as I'd planned. Then, it was a team lunch to meet a new SVP of Sales. I had zero expectations and was pleasantly surprised. However, walking across the street to the restaurant in near one hundred degree heat was NO FUN! The walk back which is all up hill was no fun either. But, I was not winded at all once I reached the top. YAY ME! A year ago, I would not have been able to carry a conversation walking up that hill. I would have also been the last one to reach the top.
Tonight I had dinner with my lovely cousins Angela and Jennifer (and Jennifer's boyfriend Andy). It was a pleasant end to another stressful day. Now, it's time to burn some midnight oil in preparation for another full day tomorrow.
Sometimes I literally have to take this journey day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute. I falter. I fail. I achieve. I succeed. It's all relative. And, it's all part of the journey. I talked to my dad on the phone tonight. We really don't talk that much. In the course of conversation, he asked me how the weight loss was coming. I told him about my progress and challenges. Then, he said the sweetest thing "Hang in there. I know you can do it. You'll get there." I don't care how old you are, or what your relationship with your parents might be, those are the sweetest words a child can ever hear. I am re-invigorated as a result.
It also doesn't hurt that this time next week, I'll be setting up camp in Bristol awaiting the arrival of my peeps.
Tomorrow is Cardio Day. Wish me luck!
Cheers!
Margaret
Day 222,
They say confession is good for the soul....
There's a lot to be said for the structure of a workday. The predictable ritual of it all makes timed meals an easy thing to do. I worked from home today because I was doing some online training and my cubicle is not conducive to working in solitude. Anyway, I started the day off right. My usual Myoplex Shake for breakfast.
Around 10:30 am is where it all fell apart. It was time for a snack. Fruit and string cheese was in the fridge. But, Low-fat Peanut Butter crackers were in Tony's "goodie" basket. I ate the crackers.
My lunchbreak came. In the fridge there was roasted chicken, salad greens etc. There was also leftover pizza. I warmed up the pizza. It sucked. You'd think I'd learn.
My afternoon break came and so did a handful of Rolos and a 100 Calorie Slim-a-Bear ice cream treat. I was completely out of control. Later in the day I found some Sour Patch kids. I snacked on so much crap today that I don't even remember it all. What the heck was I thinking? I wasn't thinking.
Being Home Alone was a disaster for me today. Fortunately, it ended with a workout. Tomorrow is a new day.
Cheers!
Margaret
This is just a friendly reminder of how far I've come....
Day 219
I know they say that promises are made to be broken. But, I'll be damned if I'm going to break a promise less than 24 hours after I've made it.
Our day began with a trip to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast. Then, we headed north up I-65 to Bowling Green, Kentucky to visit the National Corvette Museum. I had a picnic planned. But, it was derailed by the call of a Burger. That's the beauty of Free day. It's FREE! :)
After our whirwind trip to see some cool cars and partake of the local culinary scene, I was in desparate need of a nap. It was suposed to be an hour. It was closer to three. I had a choice to make. I could say "oh well" on the exercise front and try again tomorow. Or, I could pull out the trusty Wii Fit and grab a workout while the hubs was out picking up our Pizza and DVDs.
I chose the Wii Fit! I can go to sleep with my dignity in tact tonight. That is, if I ever go to sleep. Did I mention that I took a three hour nap this afternoon?
As I mentioned, this was free day. It was, in fact, the last "free" food day between now and Bristol race weekend. I hit all the bases including a Pepcid just a few minutes ago because I'm sure that my stomach is going to rebel after the day of food debauchery I've had. Tomorrow, it's back to pristine clean foods. I've got it all planned out. But, tonight, it's all about some Jet's Pizza and a DVD with my favorite fella.
Cheers!
Margaret
PS - I kept my promise to blog today too. I'm two for two. :)
Day 218
These days I seem to be struggling to fit it all in. I find myself spending too much time doing things I hate and not enough time doing the things I love. (Writing this blog being one of them).
This past week has been grueling. I came home after my workout Monday and worked on a project until 2 am which meant I was basically ruined on Tuesday. Plus, I was so sore from Monday's workout with the evil Larry Martin that I could barely move. Actually, Larry isn't evil. He's quite fit and one of my BFFs. But, trying to keep up with him definitely forced me to UP my game. Perhaps that's a sign that I should workout with him and my husband more often.
Speaking of my husband, he's been working out with Larry for about a month and I have to say that I'm VERY IMPRESSED with the muscles he's building. Gitty Up. My baby has always been sexy. But, he's bringing something extra to the mix these days. I love it! (sorry... I got off track). Let me wipe this drool from my keyboard...
Ok... What was I talking about? Oh yes... Grueling week. Let's just say I'm glad it's Friday and I'm looking forward to this afternoon's workout. No... really... I am! In 13 short days I'll be heading to Bristol, Tennessee for another race weekend. It will be filled with lots of fun, friends, food and alcohol. I plan to be the model of clean eating and exercising behavior until then so that I can indulge without guilt.
So, for all of you who have been missing my daily posts, I hearby promise to post daily until we leave for Bristol. I ask that you keep me honest. I have decided that I'm going to eat 80% clean until then. (I have 12 days til depature so I'm allowing myself 1 and only 1 free day between now and then.) It's going to be super hard. You might remember that I mentioned a few weeks back that I've allowed some of the junk back into my life. I can tell a difference in the way that I feel and I DON'T LIKE IT ONE BIT. I also commit to working out every single day until the day we leave. That is also going to be super hard. HOLD ME TO IT!
To that end, today's meal plan is as follows:
(Note: M1 = Meal 1 etc.)
Meals:
M1: Myoplex Ready to Drink Shake
M2: Fruit and String Cheese
M3: Pick Two from Panera (Low Fat Chicken Tortilla Soup and 1/2 Turkey Sandwich)
M4: 1 small apple and 1 tbls Natural Peanut Butter
M5: Shrimp Tacos (Made from an Eat Clean Magazine Recipe)
Workout:
20 Minutes Elliptical Machine
Upper Body Workout (Chest, Shoulders, Back, Biceps, Triceps)
Water:
1 Gallon (gulp)
