Day 342
My conscience IMd (Instant Messaged) me the week before Thanksgiving and said “You need to Post.” (her name is Keri.) I said, “I know. I will.”
A week passed. My conscience pinged me again. “You really need to blog.” I replied, “Yes. Yes. I know. I will.”
Another week passed and as I buried myself deeper into my denial and copious amounts of low-fat eggnog, Christmas cookies, Hershey’s and Reese’s miniatures, movie popcorn, Painturos pizza, Taco Bell Burritos and Caramel Empanadas, Arbys Beef and Cheddar with potato cakes and a cherry turnover, and Moe’s fish tacos complete with chips and cheese… my despair grew deeper and even more painful.
Yesterday, my conscience IMd me again. This time, it was one word. BLOG! I don’t think it was in all caps. But, it should have been.
Last night I watched Biggest Loser for the first time this season (ironically while drinking a glass of eggnog and eating a few Pringles. But, not at the same time) and I cried. Hormones are doing me no favors this week. But, that’s no excuse. I was on this path long before mother nature moved in for a week.
By finally, I mean "finally". The buck stops at 10. This is my WAKE UP CALL. I cried watching Biggest Loser last night not because of my failure and believe me it rings even louder in the face of someone else's success. But, I cried because I know I can do this. I cried because I'm so happy for those finalists who are reaping the healthy rewards of their hard work.
The key word here is work. I can't be sad that I didn't drop a hundred pounds. The truth is I stopped doing the work. Nothing in this life is free. If you want something, you have to work hard to attain it. I have regret. And, I let it send me down a path that I never wanted to go again. But, thanks to the prodding of my friend Keri and others, I am no longer asleep at the wheel.
I’ll still finish the year weighing less than I started. I will likely post a net loss of 20 lbs. (If I don’t drop the 10 I’ve gained in the next 23 days. Possible? Yes. Likely? No. Just being honest) 20 lbs is nothing to scoff at. But, I’m not happy. I’m not satisfied. I’m not proud. I’m disappointed in myself. I’m disgusted with my behavior. And, I’m putting myself on notice with a little tough love.
Dear Margaret,
You didn’t lose 100 pounds in a year. So what! Suck it up and deal with it. Stop hiding. Stop the destructive eating habits and get back on track. Failure doesn’t have to breed more failure. You are worth the effort.
Get off your ass and get back to the gym. Put down the eggnog and back away from the Pringles can. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be better. Good health is the goal. And while you’re at it, come January 1 change the name of your blog.
Love Always,
Your number One Fan - Margaret
So here's your question for the next 2 weeks.
ReplyDeleteWhat hurt so much that it was easier to hide in a bag of chips then it was to keep working out? I know there was something because in reading back over your blogs you can actually see the change in focus.
So what happened? Because if that piece is still sitting there it's going to jump out and knock you down again. Identify it, work through it, and keep moving forward.
You can do this. :) I still believe in you. :)