Day 363,
We're almost at the finish line of what started out at the OneYearToOneHundredPounds blog. Notice that it has since changed names to The Angry Princess Diaries.
This year has not been a total failure. But, it has not been a raging success either. I take ownership for my part in both my successes and failures. I'm dusting myself off to begin a new adventure that is perhaps a little more realistic and a little less doomed to failure than my last endeavor.
I'll close the year weighing in around 235. My beginning weight was 259 ish... So, all in all, not too shabby. My lowest weight this year was 229. My lack of focus allowed about 10 of those pounds to come back and I've successfully managed to get three of those off in the last three weeks.
But, I think it's more important for this post to be about what I've learned and the triumphs I've made because many would look at my stats and say "FAIL"! Dare I say that Jillian from The Biggest Loser would look at me with a mild disdain. I've got a few words for her, but this is a family friendly site, so I will refrain.
Top 10 Things I learned in 2010 (not necessarily in order of importance)
1. I CAN lose weight.
2. It's HARDER for me to lose weight than the average person. I do have medical issues that make it hard. That's not just an "excuse". (The funny thing is, if I lost the weight, I would no longer have those medical issues. Talk about a Catch 22.) Sometimes that harsh reality weakens my resolve and I "give up" for a while. I must work on that in 2011
3. I'm addicted to food. I admit it. I use food to deal with emotional issues (i.e. anger, stress, sadness)
4. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for.
5. I lowered my cholesterol, maintained healthy thyroid levels, and reduced my glucose levels with my lifestyle changes. (I need another 30 points off my cholesterol to make me happy. It's better. But, I'm not finished)
6. Lack of sleep will kill your weight loss efforts. Sleep, water, quality food and exercise are the four pillars for good health in my book.
7. It's more important to focus on overall health (mind, body and spirit) than just the weight. Weight is a symptom of the problem, not the actual problem.
8. I have an amazing support system
9. Results are directly impacted by my level of effort.
10. Exercise is a requirement, not an option.
I'm going back to where it all began this weekend. We are visiting our friends in Ohio for their annual New Years Eve party. Last year I wrote (what I thought were) all of my grievances on a piece of paper and burned it. I let go of a lot of issues that had been holding me back. I discovered a few more issues along the way. I'm a work in progress. I look at myself as a restoration project. And, with any complete overhaul, you're going to run into unforseen costs such as moldy drywall, roots in your plumbing, a bad roof, leaky faucets, poor insulation, bad wiring... you get my metaphor.
I'm working on my goals for next year. I won't be having an airing of grievances this year. I don't think it's necessary. I took care of that a few weeks back. I'm also going to break my goals down into more manageable chunks. Looking at that big number on the horizon can be paralyzing at times.
I'll be back on New Year's Eve or New Years Day with my new set of goals. Until then, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Kwanza, Fesitivus or whatever you chose to celebrate in December. Enjoy your New Years Eve and let's make 2011 our best year yet.
Cheers!
Margaret
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
It's my party and I'll smile if I want to
Day 354
In case you haven't noticed, it's the holiday season and there is no shortage of celebrations that include a myriad of opportunities for excess. So far, I've kept it mostly in check. But, that's not the purpose of my post today. I want to talk about perspective. Every year come party season I stress about how I look. I beat myself up for how much weight I've gained or how much weight I have not lost.
But, not this year. And, believe me, it would be easy for me to fall into those old habits especially since it's no secret that I put on a few of those pounds I'd previously lost. It really comes down to perspective. I look as good as I possibly can given the level of effort I've put into it. And, I look way better than this same week last year and I can prove it.
Changes is attitude and girth are evident on my face. That smile on the left was forced and a bit fake. It was my "Oh God I hope this picture of me in this hideous dress does not end up on Facebook" smile. The smile on the right is "Yeah. I look good. I'm gonna post this pic on facebook my damn self" smile... Please note the obvious lack of chin-age. I'm working my way down to the Merrill double as opposed to the obese triple I was careening toward last year.
I went to two holiday parties on Saturday. I was only self conscious once when I caught sight of my legs in a mirror at Hollywood Disco. My calves are chunky. I don't like that. I'm working on it.
I'm sorry. I digress.
I told my husband on the way to party number one that "I actually feel like I look pretty tonight." Those feelings are rare bordering on non-existent in my world. But, it was the truth. And, his perfect response was "good because you do." This confidence enabled me to have a fabulous evening as a result. I wasn't worried about whether or not I looked fat in my dress. I wasn't worried about what other people thought of me. I genuinely had a good time.
Later that evening I noticed that my husband had posted the following status on Facebook. "My wife is beautiful." He's my champion and is always quick to tell me that he thinks I'm beautiful. But, it was this spur of the moment status in the midst of a party where we were mingling and on totally opposite ends of the bar, that grabbed hold of my heart. It was spontaneous and heartfelt and quite possibly the best Christmas gift I've ever received. And, for once, I actually believed it too.
I'm slowly chipping away at this armour of fat and getting to know the me underneath. My confidence is rising and I believe in myself again. The scale reflects the loss, but it cannot possibly convey all that I'm gaining in return for each and every single one of those pounds.
P.S. This week brings me to another 1 lb loss. 7 more to go to get back to "even".
Cheers!
Margaret
In case you haven't noticed, it's the holiday season and there is no shortage of celebrations that include a myriad of opportunities for excess. So far, I've kept it mostly in check. But, that's not the purpose of my post today. I want to talk about perspective. Every year come party season I stress about how I look. I beat myself up for how much weight I've gained or how much weight I have not lost.
But, not this year. And, believe me, it would be easy for me to fall into those old habits especially since it's no secret that I put on a few of those pounds I'd previously lost. It really comes down to perspective. I look as good as I possibly can given the level of effort I've put into it. And, I look way better than this same week last year and I can prove it.
 |
| 2009 Christmas |
 |
| 2010 Christmas |
Changes is attitude and girth are evident on my face. That smile on the left was forced and a bit fake. It was my "Oh God I hope this picture of me in this hideous dress does not end up on Facebook" smile. The smile on the right is "Yeah. I look good. I'm gonna post this pic on facebook my damn self" smile... Please note the obvious lack of chin-age. I'm working my way down to the Merrill double as opposed to the obese triple I was careening toward last year.
I went to two holiday parties on Saturday. I was only self conscious once when I caught sight of my legs in a mirror at Hollywood Disco. My calves are chunky. I don't like that. I'm working on it.
I'm sorry. I digress.
I told my husband on the way to party number one that "I actually feel like I look pretty tonight." Those feelings are rare bordering on non-existent in my world. But, it was the truth. And, his perfect response was "good because you do." This confidence enabled me to have a fabulous evening as a result. I wasn't worried about whether or not I looked fat in my dress. I wasn't worried about what other people thought of me. I genuinely had a good time.
Later that evening I noticed that my husband had posted the following status on Facebook. "My wife is beautiful." He's my champion and is always quick to tell me that he thinks I'm beautiful. But, it was this spur of the moment status in the midst of a party where we were mingling and on totally opposite ends of the bar, that grabbed hold of my heart. It was spontaneous and heartfelt and quite possibly the best Christmas gift I've ever received. And, for once, I actually believed it too.
I'm slowly chipping away at this armour of fat and getting to know the me underneath. My confidence is rising and I believe in myself again. The scale reflects the loss, but it cannot possibly convey all that I'm gaining in return for each and every single one of those pounds.
P.S. This week brings me to another 1 lb loss. 7 more to go to get back to "even".
Cheers!
Margaret
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Back Away from the Gingerbread Man...
Day 348,
Yesterday's workout kicked my butt. But, not so much so that I didn't go back for a little more torture today. My chest feels like someone is standing on it and my legs are like jello. I ain't hatin it. :)
However, I did almost get derailed a bit today. I met my friend Gina for lunch at Panera Bread. I was a bit frustrated by some news I'd just heard at work and completely distracted. I walked right up to the counter and ordered what I had planned for lunch -- chili. (So far, so good right?) I let the cashier swipe my "My Panera" card and she asked me if I'd like to add a pastry for 99 cents. The words were out of my mouth before I even thought about it. "Sure!" I said. "Oh but wait, maybe I shouldn't"... went my internal dialogue. So, I compromised and decided to order the Gingerbread Man instead of my old standby the shortbread cookie. Gingerbread is healthier. Right?
I sidled up to the table and was immediately called on the carpet. "As your friend, I CANNOT let you eat that." Inside my head, I was screaming "WTF?" Fortunately, what came out of my mouth was "I have the points for it" (defensive justification at best). She would not let it go. Suitably shamed. I put the cookie in my purse. She didn't want to let me even keep it. She knows me so well. But, I promised I wouldn't eat it and I didn't. I thought about it though. I had estimated the Weight Watchers points at 6. I decided to look it up. If I was right and it was a 6 point cookie, then I would I eat it. As it turns out, Panera nearly screwed me again. It was worth 9 points!
The alarm bells were going off in my head. Some strange lady's voice was coming across the imaginary loudspeaker saying "Back away from the Gingerbread Man and no one will get hurt!" I picked up the happy little dude and gave him to one of my coworkers with strict instructions NOT to give any piece of it back to me.
Crisis Averted! Thanks Gina!
Cheers!
Margaret
Yesterday's workout kicked my butt. But, not so much so that I didn't go back for a little more torture today. My chest feels like someone is standing on it and my legs are like jello. I ain't hatin it. :)
However, I did almost get derailed a bit today. I met my friend Gina for lunch at Panera Bread. I was a bit frustrated by some news I'd just heard at work and completely distracted. I walked right up to the counter and ordered what I had planned for lunch -- chili. (So far, so good right?) I let the cashier swipe my "My Panera" card and she asked me if I'd like to add a pastry for 99 cents. The words were out of my mouth before I even thought about it. "Sure!" I said. "Oh but wait, maybe I shouldn't"... went my internal dialogue. So, I compromised and decided to order the Gingerbread Man instead of my old standby the shortbread cookie. Gingerbread is healthier. Right?
The alarm bells were going off in my head. Some strange lady's voice was coming across the imaginary loudspeaker saying "Back away from the Gingerbread Man and no one will get hurt!" I picked up the happy little dude and gave him to one of my coworkers with strict instructions NOT to give any piece of it back to me.
Crisis Averted! Thanks Gina!
Cheers!
Margaret
Monday, December 13, 2010
I'm Back in the Saddle... Again
Day 347
Weight Report: 2 of those pesky 10 regained pounds are gone. "Gitty Up!" I'm back in ye olde proverbial saddle once again. It feels good to shed some emotional baggage that I let creep back on. I like the fact that I've shed some good old fashioned LBs (pronounced "El Bees") in the process too.
I mentioned last week that I joined Weight Watchers. The new Weight Watchers Points Plus system definitely rewards you for eating "clean". It now calculates points based on fat, carbohydrates, protein and fiber. The old system used calories, fat and fiber.
For Example:
In the past, good for you foods like bananas would cost you points simply based on calories. Basically, you could guarantee that anything over 50 calories generally counted a point. Given that logic, a Banana which typically has about 105 calories counted 2 points. A 100 calorie pack of Cheese Nips (a highly processed snack) also counted 2 points. Not at all the same nutritional value.
Today that same bag of Cheese Nips will cost you 3 points and the banana will cost you 0 points. Think about it. Under the old rules, which item are you more likely to eat if they cost the same points? If you're a junk food junkie like me, you're eating those Cheese Nips. I'm just sayin. A food-a-holic will find any means to justify their cravings.
Kudos to Weight Watchers for finally adjusting their points system to evaluate foods based on their quality and not just the calories. Does that mean that I'll never eat a 100 calorie pack of Cheese Nips again? No. But, I bet it keeps me from eating three of them. If I'm hungry, I can have an apple and a piece of string cheese for the same points in that bag of cheese nips.
Today, my breakfast cost me 6 points. (based on my weight I get 35 daily points and 49 weekly flex points. I can earn activity points for exercise. But, they aren't as reliable. More on that later) For those six points I ate a cup of oatmeal made with skim milk, 4 walnut halves chopped and a cup of blueberries and a banana. It's a good start. I need more protein. This is still a fairly carb heavy meal. I followed it up with a protein an fiber packed lunch. The Baja Salad from Wendy's is delicious. I leave off the pico and the guacamole. In the future I will also leave off the dressing and seasoned tortilla strips because they cost me 5 points and were SO NOT WORTH IT.
Yesterday, a cup of Peppermint Hot Cocoa from Panera send me into a tailspin. That sucker cost me 16 points. YES! Shocker! 16 points. I will never... ever... ever... order a coffee drink at Panera again. Who knew that a cup of hot cocoa could weigh in at a whopping 650 calories! I can get a 12 ounce fat free French Vanilla coffee at the Exxon gas station for 3 points. It only costs $1.08 and tastes nearly as delicious. That Panera Bread concoction cost me $3.59 and a step closer to future heart disease.
There are a thousand different ways to eat healthy out there. They all come in their own pretty little package. I chose Weight Watchers because my husband wants to drop some pounds too and he had success with Weight Watchers before. I believe that if we are in this together, we both have a greater chance at success. If the label needs to be Weight Watchers, I'm ok with that.
Many of my followers utilize a number of methods to stay healthy including: The Eat Clean Diet, Body For Life, P90X etc. They all work and they all have the same basic principles with just a different name. Don't tell my husband, but Weight Watchers is finally following these same principles too.
It snowed in my neck of the woods last night. An inch of snow in Nashville pretty much puts the city on lock down. But, I've been alerted that the YMCA is open for business. I'll be checking in there later this afternoon for some heart pounding cardio and a muscle building weight training.
Cheers!
Margaret
Weight Report: 2 of those pesky 10 regained pounds are gone. "Gitty Up!" I'm back in ye olde proverbial saddle once again. It feels good to shed some emotional baggage that I let creep back on. I like the fact that I've shed some good old fashioned LBs (pronounced "El Bees") in the process too.
I mentioned last week that I joined Weight Watchers. The new Weight Watchers Points Plus system definitely rewards you for eating "clean". It now calculates points based on fat, carbohydrates, protein and fiber. The old system used calories, fat and fiber.
For Example:
In the past, good for you foods like bananas would cost you points simply based on calories. Basically, you could guarantee that anything over 50 calories generally counted a point. Given that logic, a Banana which typically has about 105 calories counted 2 points. A 100 calorie pack of Cheese Nips (a highly processed snack) also counted 2 points. Not at all the same nutritional value.
Today that same bag of Cheese Nips will cost you 3 points and the banana will cost you 0 points. Think about it. Under the old rules, which item are you more likely to eat if they cost the same points? If you're a junk food junkie like me, you're eating those Cheese Nips. I'm just sayin. A food-a-holic will find any means to justify their cravings.
Kudos to Weight Watchers for finally adjusting their points system to evaluate foods based on their quality and not just the calories. Does that mean that I'll never eat a 100 calorie pack of Cheese Nips again? No. But, I bet it keeps me from eating three of them. If I'm hungry, I can have an apple and a piece of string cheese for the same points in that bag of cheese nips.
Today, my breakfast cost me 6 points. (based on my weight I get 35 daily points and 49 weekly flex points. I can earn activity points for exercise. But, they aren't as reliable. More on that later) For those six points I ate a cup of oatmeal made with skim milk, 4 walnut halves chopped and a cup of blueberries and a banana. It's a good start. I need more protein. This is still a fairly carb heavy meal. I followed it up with a protein an fiber packed lunch. The Baja Salad from Wendy's is delicious. I leave off the pico and the guacamole. In the future I will also leave off the dressing and seasoned tortilla strips because they cost me 5 points and were SO NOT WORTH IT.
Yesterday, a cup of Peppermint Hot Cocoa from Panera send me into a tailspin. That sucker cost me 16 points. YES! Shocker! 16 points. I will never... ever... ever... order a coffee drink at Panera again. Who knew that a cup of hot cocoa could weigh in at a whopping 650 calories! I can get a 12 ounce fat free French Vanilla coffee at the Exxon gas station for 3 points. It only costs $1.08 and tastes nearly as delicious. That Panera Bread concoction cost me $3.59 and a step closer to future heart disease.
There are a thousand different ways to eat healthy out there. They all come in their own pretty little package. I chose Weight Watchers because my husband wants to drop some pounds too and he had success with Weight Watchers before. I believe that if we are in this together, we both have a greater chance at success. If the label needs to be Weight Watchers, I'm ok with that.
Many of my followers utilize a number of methods to stay healthy including: The Eat Clean Diet, Body For Life, P90X etc. They all work and they all have the same basic principles with just a different name. Don't tell my husband, but Weight Watchers is finally following these same principles too.
It snowed in my neck of the woods last night. An inch of snow in Nashville pretty much puts the city on lock down. But, I've been alerted that the YMCA is open for business. I'll be checking in there later this afternoon for some heart pounding cardio and a muscle building weight training.
Cheers!
Margaret
Friday, December 10, 2010
I'm Doin all right
Day 344,
There's a song by Joe Nichols and the chorus goes... "I'm doin all right.. for the shape I'm in. The sun came up again this mornin."
That's how I feel. On many levels, yesterday was an EPIC Fail. But, in other ways, it was a complete breakthrough. On the one hand I experienced some severe emotional eating. But, on the other hand, I finally stood up for myself in a situation that has been an issue for me for YEARS.
Last night when I put my head to my pillow, I had to admit to my husband that I ate 8 (yes EIGHT) pieces of Cinnamon toast complete with my old friend butter. It's awful. I know. BUT stay with me. Admitting it is a huge deal. I hit rock bottom. And, I'm not unhappy about that. It was necessary. It was like an out of body experience. I was in the middle of a serious text battle with a family member with whom I've had a strained relationship my whole life. I actually told myself on the way to the kitchen for the second batch of cinnamon toast... "I can't deal with you right now because I'm busy ruining my own life." In the moment I knew this was destructive behavior. But, I couldn't stop myself. It was the only way that I could deal with the horrific pain. It's sad and abysmal. I'm not making an excuse here. It is what it s. It was an uinhealthy response. I knew it at the time. But, I was powerless to overcome it.
The true breakthrough is admitting it to someone else. My husband came home after the Titans' game (we won't discuss their dismal performance) and when we went to bed, I admitted what was wrong. I told him the whole story, the text battle complete with how I managed my emotions poorly. I said "I feel good and bad at the same time. Does that make sense?" I was glad that I finally said what I'd wanted to say for years. But, I regretted how I dealt with the accompanying feelings. It felt good when he said "I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself." He forgave the other. That really helped me.
Sometimes we have to get to a point where we realize that no matter how much we love someone, that it's best that we cut them out of our lives in order to survive. I've spent my entire adult life t:rying to avoid confrontation within my family. I keep quiet in order to keep the peace. I take abuse from some people and always end up forgiving them they say "sorry". No more.
But, that's not the moral of this story. I was on my way home from a work thing today and I heard this Joe Nichols song. The words "I'm doin all right for the shape I'm in." and "The sun came up again this morning" really REALLY hit home.Guess what? I survived. I said what needed to be said and I survived. The world didn't cease to exist. And, life didn't come to a screeching halt. What a novel idea!
Last New Years Eve when I rid myself of all my grievances, I was a little naive. Just saying that you let go of certain things isn't enough. You have to REALLY let go. Otherwise, it's just acting. I'm not dumb enough to say that I'm totally healed. But, I recognize my demon. That's half the battle. My naivete almost sent me back to obesity hell. But, I was fortunate enough to realize my folly before it was too late. Ignoring my pain isn't enough. I have to address it.
The sun will come up again tomorrow and I plan to greet it with a smile. I have a lovely family that I've created over the years. Some of them are blood relation. Many are not. But, I love them all the same. This is the time of year when we are supposed to count our blessings. Unfortunately, this is also a time when resentment tends to rear it's ugly head. I've dealt with that and now I plan to focus on the positive. I want to finish this year on a healthy note. I've had setbacks, it's true. But, I've also experienced success. I'm going to acknowledge, accept and celebrate it all.
It also doesn't hurt that I lost two pounds this week. Official weigh in is Monday. I'll keep you posted. I fully expect to report 2 of those regained 10 pounds GONE!
Cheers!
Margaret
There's a song by Joe Nichols and the chorus goes... "I'm doin all right.. for the shape I'm in. The sun came up again this mornin."
That's how I feel. On many levels, yesterday was an EPIC Fail. But, in other ways, it was a complete breakthrough. On the one hand I experienced some severe emotional eating. But, on the other hand, I finally stood up for myself in a situation that has been an issue for me for YEARS.
Last night when I put my head to my pillow, I had to admit to my husband that I ate 8 (yes EIGHT) pieces of Cinnamon toast complete with my old friend butter. It's awful. I know. BUT stay with me. Admitting it is a huge deal. I hit rock bottom. And, I'm not unhappy about that. It was necessary. It was like an out of body experience. I was in the middle of a serious text battle with a family member with whom I've had a strained relationship my whole life. I actually told myself on the way to the kitchen for the second batch of cinnamon toast... "I can't deal with you right now because I'm busy ruining my own life." In the moment I knew this was destructive behavior. But, I couldn't stop myself. It was the only way that I could deal with the horrific pain. It's sad and abysmal. I'm not making an excuse here. It is what it s. It was an uinhealthy response. I knew it at the time. But, I was powerless to overcome it.
The true breakthrough is admitting it to someone else. My husband came home after the Titans' game (we won't discuss their dismal performance) and when we went to bed, I admitted what was wrong. I told him the whole story, the text battle complete with how I managed my emotions poorly. I said "I feel good and bad at the same time. Does that make sense?" I was glad that I finally said what I'd wanted to say for years. But, I regretted how I dealt with the accompanying feelings. It felt good when he said "I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself." He forgave the other. That really helped me.
Sometimes we have to get to a point where we realize that no matter how much we love someone, that it's best that we cut them out of our lives in order to survive. I've spent my entire adult life t:rying to avoid confrontation within my family. I keep quiet in order to keep the peace. I take abuse from some people and always end up forgiving them they say "sorry". No more.
But, that's not the moral of this story. I was on my way home from a work thing today and I heard this Joe Nichols song. The words "I'm doin all right for the shape I'm in." and "The sun came up again this morning" really REALLY hit home.Guess what? I survived. I said what needed to be said and I survived. The world didn't cease to exist. And, life didn't come to a screeching halt. What a novel idea!
Last New Years Eve when I rid myself of all my grievances, I was a little naive. Just saying that you let go of certain things isn't enough. You have to REALLY let go. Otherwise, it's just acting. I'm not dumb enough to say that I'm totally healed. But, I recognize my demon. That's half the battle. My naivete almost sent me back to obesity hell. But, I was fortunate enough to realize my folly before it was too late. Ignoring my pain isn't enough. I have to address it.
The sun will come up again tomorrow and I plan to greet it with a smile. I have a lovely family that I've created over the years. Some of them are blood relation. Many are not. But, I love them all the same. This is the time of year when we are supposed to count our blessings. Unfortunately, this is also a time when resentment tends to rear it's ugly head. I've dealt with that and now I plan to focus on the positive. I want to finish this year on a healthy note. I've had setbacks, it's true. But, I've also experienced success. I'm going to acknowledge, accept and celebrate it all.
It also doesn't hurt that I lost two pounds this week. Official weigh in is Monday. I'll keep you posted. I fully expect to report 2 of those regained 10 pounds GONE!
Cheers!
Margaret
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Loathing and Resentment
Day 343
Yesterday, my friend Clara asked a really good question after my post.
Question: “What hurt so much that it was easier to hide in a bag of chips than it was to keep working out?”
Answer: Self Loathing and Resentment
But, it didn’t start out as that. At first I just missed a workout here and there. Then, it was a weekend of eating whatever I wanted. Then, it was guilt over doing those things and then continuing to do them. I felt guilty and hated myself for it. I began to resent the fact that everyone around me seems to be able to eat or drink whatever they want and never gain an ounce or exercise. If I so much as even look at a shortbread cookie, I can feel my ass expanding.
Add to that a tremendous amount of work stress. Then, a couple of friends had babies and I found out another friend was pregnant. Of course I was happy for them. But, it made me sad for myself as it was just a reminder of what I can’t have.
For the most part, I’ve put the whole baby thing behind me. But, every now and again, it creeps up and makes me feel less than I really am. Logically, I know this is not the case. I have a great life filled with friends and family who love, cherish and support me. But, even so, I still grieve from time to time. Not because of what I “don’t” have, but because I feel that I was robbed of a “choice” in the matter. At 43, I could adopt. But, do I really want to be 65 when my kid graduates from college? No.
Do I wish that I had started down the fertility path at 35 instead of 38? Yes.
Do I regret all of those years I spent thinking “it will eventually happen. Just let nature take its course.” Hell Yes.
Do I wish that I had listened to my friend Mark Oldham years ago when he said “I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize it’s too late?” Yes.
Do I regret past decisions that may have had a direct impact on my fertility? Yes.
Can I change any of this? No.
See… I’ve got the logic part down. It’s the grieving that I haven’t quite let go of yet. I’m tearing up just reading the words. But, don’t feel sorry for me. That is the last thing I need or want. I’m getting there. It just takes time.
Ultimately, It’s the mechanisms that I choose to help me deal with stress, pain, grief, happiness, anger, etc that are the problem. The problems themselves are not really the problem at all. Everyone faces challenges, obstacles, heartache, anger, happiness and pain. It’s about how we choose to deal our problems that really matters. You see, I’m quite good in a crisis – as long as it’s someone else’s crisis. If I see a problem that needs solving or a person who needs a shoulder or a helping hand, I’m the first one to jump up and say “what can I do?” If you need an advocate, I’m your girl. I’m a champion of the underdog.
Why is it that I have no problem waking up at 6 am in the morning to cook for my work place Thanksgiving meal (because I don’t want to let anyone down.) But, I can’t manage to get up at 6 am everyday to exercise for myself? I seem to have no problem breaking commitments to myself. Does that mean that deep down I don’t feel worthy?
As long as I’m fighting for someone other than myself, I’m like Wonder Woman, Yoda and The Rock all rolled up into one sassy package. But, when it comes to my own issues, this is not the case. I don’t talk about my problems. In fact, I’d almost always rather hear about yours than tell you about mine. I keep them in for as long as possible. If something is physically wrong, I would rather suffer than go to the doctor. I procrastinated a month over getting a flippin flu shot. When it comes to those deeper feelings of inadequacy, grief, resentment, or anger, I choose to eat those feelings. Literally eat them. I have caught myself eating to fill an empty space and unable to stop until it doesn’t feel empty anymore. These episodes are far less frequent than they used to be. But, I have to admit that this has happened a couple of times in the last two months. Junk food has been a faithful friend. It doesn’t judge me. It doesn’t criticize me. It smells good. It tastes good. It makes me feel good. But, what it’s really doing behind the scenes is silently kill me. Sometimes I think this must be what it feels like to be a drug addict or an alcoholic. The only problem is you can’t quit food cold turkey. Unless, of course, dying is an option, which it isn’t!
But, back to my point, a few missed workouts and a few weekends of culinary hedonism slowly became my everyday and not my exception. Pretty soon my work stress was getting so bad that insomnia crept back into my life. I would wake up exhausted and go to bed miserable and unable to think about the days failures. Since I’ve never been one to work out in the morning, it was no big deal for me to tell myself that “I’ll just go after work”. Yeah Right! By the time “after work” rolled around, all I could think about was getting home, putting on my pajamas and filling up on carbs while I watched DVR episodes of the Young and the Restless until my husband got home from his workout. (Ironically, I inspired him and then I fell apart.) The old familiar and comfortable habits were right there to comfort me just like they had always been.
But, yesterday, I took two steps in the right direction. I joined the new Weight Watchers program which calculates points based on fat, carbs, protein and fiber now instead of calories, fat and fiber. Whole foods generally are worth far fewer points. And, I dragged my lazy ass back to the gym. It was no easy feat either. I found a million reasons not to go. But, I kept driving. Once I got on the elliptical machine, I thought “there is no way I can make it 30 minutes.” I gave myself permission to re-evaluate at 20 minutes. By the time I got to 20, I knew that I could go 10 more and I did. But, oh how the mighty have fallen. I had to take the incline and resistance way down compared to my norm. Really? What did I expect after such a long break from activity? I don’t know what I expected, but what I got was De-conditioned and 10 lbs heavier. That is the reality of today.
I have a long way to go to get back on track. I hope you stay with me while I do it. I’m in food and exercise “rehab”. I appreciate so much the support you all have shown me. It pains me to know that I’ve let myself and all of you down. But, I’m no quitter.
Cheers!
Margaret
Yesterday, my friend Clara asked a really good question after my post.
Question: “What hurt so much that it was easier to hide in a bag of chips than it was to keep working out?”
Answer: Self Loathing and Resentment
But, it didn’t start out as that. At first I just missed a workout here and there. Then, it was a weekend of eating whatever I wanted. Then, it was guilt over doing those things and then continuing to do them. I felt guilty and hated myself for it. I began to resent the fact that everyone around me seems to be able to eat or drink whatever they want and never gain an ounce or exercise. If I so much as even look at a shortbread cookie, I can feel my ass expanding.
Add to that a tremendous amount of work stress. Then, a couple of friends had babies and I found out another friend was pregnant. Of course I was happy for them. But, it made me sad for myself as it was just a reminder of what I can’t have.
For the most part, I’ve put the whole baby thing behind me. But, every now and again, it creeps up and makes me feel less than I really am. Logically, I know this is not the case. I have a great life filled with friends and family who love, cherish and support me. But, even so, I still grieve from time to time. Not because of what I “don’t” have, but because I feel that I was robbed of a “choice” in the matter. At 43, I could adopt. But, do I really want to be 65 when my kid graduates from college? No.
Do I wish that I had started down the fertility path at 35 instead of 38? Yes.
Do I regret all of those years I spent thinking “it will eventually happen. Just let nature take its course.” Hell Yes.
Do I wish that I had listened to my friend Mark Oldham years ago when he said “I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize it’s too late?” Yes.
Do I regret past decisions that may have had a direct impact on my fertility? Yes.
Can I change any of this? No.
See… I’ve got the logic part down. It’s the grieving that I haven’t quite let go of yet. I’m tearing up just reading the words. But, don’t feel sorry for me. That is the last thing I need or want. I’m getting there. It just takes time.
Ultimately, It’s the mechanisms that I choose to help me deal with stress, pain, grief, happiness, anger, etc that are the problem. The problems themselves are not really the problem at all. Everyone faces challenges, obstacles, heartache, anger, happiness and pain. It’s about how we choose to deal our problems that really matters. You see, I’m quite good in a crisis – as long as it’s someone else’s crisis. If I see a problem that needs solving or a person who needs a shoulder or a helping hand, I’m the first one to jump up and say “what can I do?” If you need an advocate, I’m your girl. I’m a champion of the underdog.
Why is it that I have no problem waking up at 6 am in the morning to cook for my work place Thanksgiving meal (because I don’t want to let anyone down.) But, I can’t manage to get up at 6 am everyday to exercise for myself? I seem to have no problem breaking commitments to myself. Does that mean that deep down I don’t feel worthy?
As long as I’m fighting for someone other than myself, I’m like Wonder Woman, Yoda and The Rock all rolled up into one sassy package. But, when it comes to my own issues, this is not the case. I don’t talk about my problems. In fact, I’d almost always rather hear about yours than tell you about mine. I keep them in for as long as possible. If something is physically wrong, I would rather suffer than go to the doctor. I procrastinated a month over getting a flippin flu shot. When it comes to those deeper feelings of inadequacy, grief, resentment, or anger, I choose to eat those feelings. Literally eat them. I have caught myself eating to fill an empty space and unable to stop until it doesn’t feel empty anymore. These episodes are far less frequent than they used to be. But, I have to admit that this has happened a couple of times in the last two months. Junk food has been a faithful friend. It doesn’t judge me. It doesn’t criticize me. It smells good. It tastes good. It makes me feel good. But, what it’s really doing behind the scenes is silently kill me. Sometimes I think this must be what it feels like to be a drug addict or an alcoholic. The only problem is you can’t quit food cold turkey. Unless, of course, dying is an option, which it isn’t!
But, back to my point, a few missed workouts and a few weekends of culinary hedonism slowly became my everyday and not my exception. Pretty soon my work stress was getting so bad that insomnia crept back into my life. I would wake up exhausted and go to bed miserable and unable to think about the days failures. Since I’ve never been one to work out in the morning, it was no big deal for me to tell myself that “I’ll just go after work”. Yeah Right! By the time “after work” rolled around, all I could think about was getting home, putting on my pajamas and filling up on carbs while I watched DVR episodes of the Young and the Restless until my husband got home from his workout. (Ironically, I inspired him and then I fell apart.) The old familiar and comfortable habits were right there to comfort me just like they had always been.
But, yesterday, I took two steps in the right direction. I joined the new Weight Watchers program which calculates points based on fat, carbs, protein and fiber now instead of calories, fat and fiber. Whole foods generally are worth far fewer points. And, I dragged my lazy ass back to the gym. It was no easy feat either. I found a million reasons not to go. But, I kept driving. Once I got on the elliptical machine, I thought “there is no way I can make it 30 minutes.” I gave myself permission to re-evaluate at 20 minutes. By the time I got to 20, I knew that I could go 10 more and I did. But, oh how the mighty have fallen. I had to take the incline and resistance way down compared to my norm. Really? What did I expect after such a long break from activity? I don’t know what I expected, but what I got was De-conditioned and 10 lbs heavier. That is the reality of today.
I have a long way to go to get back on track. I hope you stay with me while I do it. I’m in food and exercise “rehab”. I appreciate so much the support you all have shown me. It pains me to know that I’ve let myself and all of you down. But, I’m no quitter.
Cheers!
Margaret
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
My Conscience Called...
Day 342
My conscience IMd (Instant Messaged) me the week before Thanksgiving and said “You need to Post.” (her name is Keri.) I said, “I know. I will.”
A week passed. My conscience pinged me again. “You really need to blog.” I replied, “Yes. Yes. I know. I will.”
Another week passed and as I buried myself deeper into my denial and copious amounts of low-fat eggnog, Christmas cookies, Hershey’s and Reese’s miniatures, movie popcorn, Painturos pizza, Taco Bell Burritos and Caramel Empanadas, Arbys Beef and Cheddar with potato cakes and a cherry turnover, and Moe’s fish tacos complete with chips and cheese… my despair grew deeper and even more painful.
Yesterday, my conscience IMd me again. This time, it was one word. BLOG! I don’t think it was in all caps. But, it should have been.
Last night I watched Biggest Loser for the first time this season (ironically while drinking a glass of eggnog and eating a few Pringles. But, not at the same time) and I cried. Hormones are doing me no favors this week. But, that’s no excuse. I was on this path long before mother nature moved in for a week.
By finally, I mean "finally". The buck stops at 10. This is my WAKE UP CALL. I cried watching Biggest Loser last night not because of my failure and believe me it rings even louder in the face of someone else's success. But, I cried because I know I can do this. I cried because I'm so happy for those finalists who are reaping the healthy rewards of their hard work.
The key word here is work. I can't be sad that I didn't drop a hundred pounds. The truth is I stopped doing the work. Nothing in this life is free. If you want something, you have to work hard to attain it. I have regret. And, I let it send me down a path that I never wanted to go again. But, thanks to the prodding of my friend Keri and others, I am no longer asleep at the wheel.
I’ll still finish the year weighing less than I started. I will likely post a net loss of 20 lbs. (If I don’t drop the 10 I’ve gained in the next 23 days. Possible? Yes. Likely? No. Just being honest) 20 lbs is nothing to scoff at. But, I’m not happy. I’m not satisfied. I’m not proud. I’m disappointed in myself. I’m disgusted with my behavior. And, I’m putting myself on notice with a little tough love.
Dear Margaret,
You didn’t lose 100 pounds in a year. So what! Suck it up and deal with it. Stop hiding. Stop the destructive eating habits and get back on track. Failure doesn’t have to breed more failure. You are worth the effort.
Get off your ass and get back to the gym. Put down the eggnog and back away from the Pringles can. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be better. Good health is the goal. And while you’re at it, come January 1 change the name of your blog.
Love Always,
Your number One Fan - Margaret
My conscience IMd (Instant Messaged) me the week before Thanksgiving and said “You need to Post.” (her name is Keri.) I said, “I know. I will.”
A week passed. My conscience pinged me again. “You really need to blog.” I replied, “Yes. Yes. I know. I will.”
Another week passed and as I buried myself deeper into my denial and copious amounts of low-fat eggnog, Christmas cookies, Hershey’s and Reese’s miniatures, movie popcorn, Painturos pizza, Taco Bell Burritos and Caramel Empanadas, Arbys Beef and Cheddar with potato cakes and a cherry turnover, and Moe’s fish tacos complete with chips and cheese… my despair grew deeper and even more painful.
Yesterday, my conscience IMd me again. This time, it was one word. BLOG! I don’t think it was in all caps. But, it should have been.
Last night I watched Biggest Loser for the first time this season (ironically while drinking a glass of eggnog and eating a few Pringles. But, not at the same time) and I cried. Hormones are doing me no favors this week. But, that’s no excuse. I was on this path long before mother nature moved in for a week.
By finally, I mean "finally". The buck stops at 10. This is my WAKE UP CALL. I cried watching Biggest Loser last night not because of my failure and believe me it rings even louder in the face of someone else's success. But, I cried because I know I can do this. I cried because I'm so happy for those finalists who are reaping the healthy rewards of their hard work.
The key word here is work. I can't be sad that I didn't drop a hundred pounds. The truth is I stopped doing the work. Nothing in this life is free. If you want something, you have to work hard to attain it. I have regret. And, I let it send me down a path that I never wanted to go again. But, thanks to the prodding of my friend Keri and others, I am no longer asleep at the wheel.
I’ll still finish the year weighing less than I started. I will likely post a net loss of 20 lbs. (If I don’t drop the 10 I’ve gained in the next 23 days. Possible? Yes. Likely? No. Just being honest) 20 lbs is nothing to scoff at. But, I’m not happy. I’m not satisfied. I’m not proud. I’m disappointed in myself. I’m disgusted with my behavior. And, I’m putting myself on notice with a little tough love.
Dear Margaret,
You didn’t lose 100 pounds in a year. So what! Suck it up and deal with it. Stop hiding. Stop the destructive eating habits and get back on track. Failure doesn’t have to breed more failure. You are worth the effort.
Get off your ass and get back to the gym. Put down the eggnog and back away from the Pringles can. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be better. Good health is the goal. And while you’re at it, come January 1 change the name of your blog.
Love Always,
Your number One Fan - Margaret
Monday, November 1, 2010
Self Discovery
Day 303,
Good News First: Three pounds down since my last post.
To say that I'm unmotivated would be the understatement of the year. I am a bit restless these days. There are so many things that are weighing on me. But, that's a topic for another day. Recently, I took the Strengthfinders 2.0 test and discovered two things:
1. My personality type is ENFP. And, I'm perfectly suited to do the type of work I'm doing. I guess that's a plus....
2. As an ENFP, I like the beginnings of things, but hate to follow them through to completion.
The latter could not be more true and It's been a huge revelation. I definitely prefer to start things and let other people see them through. I get bored in the middle of a long project. I am in constant need for change.
Now that I know this, all I have to do is figure out a way to use this to my benefit. But, for the moment, it is just more clutter in my frazzled and restless brain.
That's all I've got for now...
Cheers
Margaret
Good News First: Three pounds down since my last post.
To say that I'm unmotivated would be the understatement of the year. I am a bit restless these days. There are so many things that are weighing on me. But, that's a topic for another day. Recently, I took the Strengthfinders 2.0 test and discovered two things:
1. My personality type is ENFP. And, I'm perfectly suited to do the type of work I'm doing. I guess that's a plus....
2. As an ENFP, I like the beginnings of things, but hate to follow them through to completion.
The latter could not be more true and It's been a huge revelation. I definitely prefer to start things and let other people see them through. I get bored in the middle of a long project. I am in constant need for change.
Now that I know this, all I have to do is figure out a way to use this to my benefit. But, for the moment, it is just more clutter in my frazzled and restless brain.
That's all I've got for now...
Cheers
Margaret
Monday, October 18, 2010
Reunited and it Feels So good.
Day 289
The scale and I are back together. We are reunited and it feels so good....
It agreed to go down 1 lb this week and I agreed to be ok with this. If it were not for some hormonal water retention this week, I believe that it would have been closer to two pounds. Any time the scale goes down is a win in my book. I'll take it and I won't complain. :)
Tomorow, I'm on the road again. We'll see how working on a laptop during a 7 hour drive will play out. (No I don't be driving and working at the same time). I am so excited to see my friends this weeken'd. But, I am feeling immensely stressed about work this week. Well, every week really. It's only Monday and I swear I feel like I've already experienced an entire week.
Our experiences are a product of the choices we make. I am grateful that I have a job. But, I've got to tell you that I'm going to be REALLY REALLY grateful come Friday when I officially trade my work hat out for a more colorful and fun one.
My water intake wasn't great today and I didn't eat enough throughout the day which set me up for being ravenous by the time I got home. This continues to be a challenge that I have to work on. I did keep it in check though. I'm under on calories today. But, I admit that the food choices that added up to those calories were not all that clean.
That's all for now. I must go to bed because I have to get up at 5 am tomorrow.
Cheers!
Margaret
The scale and I are back together. We are reunited and it feels so good....
It agreed to go down 1 lb this week and I agreed to be ok with this. If it were not for some hormonal water retention this week, I believe that it would have been closer to two pounds. Any time the scale goes down is a win in my book. I'll take it and I won't complain. :)
Tomorow, I'm on the road again. We'll see how working on a laptop during a 7 hour drive will play out. (No I don't be driving and working at the same time). I am so excited to see my friends this weeken'd. But, I am feeling immensely stressed about work this week. Well, every week really. It's only Monday and I swear I feel like I've already experienced an entire week.
Our experiences are a product of the choices we make. I am grateful that I have a job. But, I've got to tell you that I'm going to be REALLY REALLY grateful come Friday when I officially trade my work hat out for a more colorful and fun one.
My water intake wasn't great today and I didn't eat enough throughout the day which set me up for being ravenous by the time I got home. This continues to be a challenge that I have to work on. I did keep it in check though. I'm under on calories today. But, I admit that the food choices that added up to those calories were not all that clean.
That's all for now. I must go to bed because I have to get up at 5 am tomorrow.
Cheers!
Margaret
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Stand in the place where you live....
Day 287,
What a week. Had a great time at the RightNow Conference in Colorado Springs, CO. I stood. I walked. I stood. I talked. I stood. I slept. I walked. I worked. My feet may never be the same.
All this standing made me think of the REM song called stand.
Stand in the place where you live
Now face North
Think about direction
Wonder why you haven't before
Now stand in the place where you work
Now face West
Think about the place where you live
Wonder why you haven't before
If you are confused, check with the sun
Carry a compass to help you along
Your feet are going to be on the ground
Your head is there to move you around, so
Think about these lyrics and how they might apply to your own life. I've been thinking a lot about time wasted; dreams unrealized; and goals not met. But, I am choosing to keep my feet on the ground and move forward. Dwelling on the past serves no purpose.
So far, my "no Excuses challenge" is going well I feel confident that the scale and I will be friends again come Monday.
Emotionally, I struggled today. I think it's travel fatigue.... hormones.... and a bit of stress. Some days it's easier to deal with my "inability to have kids fate" than others. Today was one of those days when it was harder.
A coworker brought her beautiful newborn into the office and then I went to see the new Katherine Heigl/Josh Duhmel flick tonight. NOT smart. Most days, it doesn't bother me at all. But, we all get nostalgic for the things we can't have sometimes. Today was one of those days for me. Today was just one of those days when I was bitten by the jealousy and regret bug.
Tomorrow, it won't hurt like it does today. I don't bring this up because I want sympathy or anything like that. It's just part of my journey. And, it's also part of why I sometimes struggle to do the right thing when it comes to food and exercise.
Anyway, Today I choose to put my feet on the ground and "stand in the place where I live" and be grateful for the blessings I do have and strive not to lament the things I don't.
Cheers!
Margaret
What a week. Had a great time at the RightNow Conference in Colorado Springs, CO. I stood. I walked. I stood. I talked. I stood. I slept. I walked. I worked. My feet may never be the same.
All this standing made me think of the REM song called stand.
Stand in the place where you live
Now face North
Think about direction
Wonder why you haven't before
Now stand in the place where you work
Now face West
Think about the place where you live
Wonder why you haven't before
If you are confused, check with the sun
Carry a compass to help you along
Your feet are going to be on the ground
Your head is there to move you around, so
Think about these lyrics and how they might apply to your own life. I've been thinking a lot about time wasted; dreams unrealized; and goals not met. But, I am choosing to keep my feet on the ground and move forward. Dwelling on the past serves no purpose.
So far, my "no Excuses challenge" is going well I feel confident that the scale and I will be friends again come Monday.
Emotionally, I struggled today. I think it's travel fatigue.... hormones.... and a bit of stress. Some days it's easier to deal with my "inability to have kids fate" than others. Today was one of those days when it was harder.
A coworker brought her beautiful newborn into the office and then I went to see the new Katherine Heigl/Josh Duhmel flick tonight. NOT smart. Most days, it doesn't bother me at all. But, we all get nostalgic for the things we can't have sometimes. Today was one of those days for me. Today was just one of those days when I was bitten by the jealousy and regret bug.
Tomorrow, it won't hurt like it does today. I don't bring this up because I want sympathy or anything like that. It's just part of my journey. And, it's also part of why I sometimes struggle to do the right thing when it comes to food and exercise.
Anyway, Today I choose to put my feet on the ground and "stand in the place where I live" and be grateful for the blessings I do have and strive not to lament the things I don't.
Cheers!
Margaret
Monday, October 11, 2010
Math for Dummies
Day 293 283,
Ok.. It's a well known fact that I'm mathmatically challenged, but this has to take the cake. Apparently, after one of my blog lapses, I miscalculated which day it is in my journey by a factor of 10. Bad news is, it's official, I can't count. Good news is I just found 10 more days in my journey to get below 200 lbs. YAHOO!
The way I see it, I have a couple of options here. I can stick with the 72 Days of No Excuses Challenge and build in 10 days for griping, whining, complaining, etc. Or, I can rename it the 82 Days of No Excuses Challenge. I think I'll go with the latter. Everytime I give myself an inch, I take a mile!
Like a good girl, I planned my meals last night. I laid out my workout clothes and plotted my workout. Then... I couldn't sleep. I think the last time I looked at the clock it was about 2 am. The snooze button was my friend this morning. I came in at 1852 calories. 42% carbs; 27 fat; 31% protein.
I got back into the gym for the first time since I got sick. It felt good to get in a little aggression therapy. I'm off to Colorado Springs, CO tomorrow. I'm sooooo looking forward to my 6:40 AM flight... NOT! As grumpy as I am when I wake up in the morning, I could probably just mount my broom and get there sooner than Southwest.
Cheers!
Margaret
Ok.. It's a well known fact that I'm mathmatically challenged, but this has to take the cake. Apparently, after one of my blog lapses, I miscalculated which day it is in my journey by a factor of 10. Bad news is, it's official, I can't count. Good news is I just found 10 more days in my journey to get below 200 lbs. YAHOO!
The way I see it, I have a couple of options here. I can stick with the 72 Days of No Excuses Challenge and build in 10 days for griping, whining, complaining, etc. Or, I can rename it the 82 Days of No Excuses Challenge. I think I'll go with the latter. Everytime I give myself an inch, I take a mile!
Like a good girl, I planned my meals last night. I laid out my workout clothes and plotted my workout. Then... I couldn't sleep. I think the last time I looked at the clock it was about 2 am. The snooze button was my friend this morning. I came in at 1852 calories. 42% carbs; 27 fat; 31% protein.
I got back into the gym for the first time since I got sick. It felt good to get in a little aggression therapy. I'm off to Colorado Springs, CO tomorrow. I'm sooooo looking forward to my 6:40 AM flight... NOT! As grumpy as I am when I wake up in the morning, I could probably just mount my broom and get there sooner than Southwest.
Cheers!
Margaret
Sunday, October 10, 2010
72 Days of No Excuses!
Day 292
I am beginning a new chapter tomorrow. I'm calling this challenge 72 Days of No Excuses.
Why? Because tomorow there will be exactly 72 days left in this year and I'm determined to finish out this year long journey on the highest note possible. It would be easy for me to say "oh well... I set a goal to lose 100 lbs in a year and there's no way I'll make it, so I'll just give up." ABSOLUTELY NO WAY WILL I DO THAT. I've lost 33 pounds in 10 months. That's a lot better than gaining is it not? Heck yeah it is.
Could I have lost more? Yes.
Have I put in the level of effort required to get there? No.
Does that make me a failure? No.
If I had been willing to do whatever it took to reach this goal, I would be around 75 lbs down by now. I didn't. I own it. And, that's ok. I cannot change yesterday. But, I have everything to say about what happens next.
So, here are my Challenge goals.
In 72 days I will be under 200 pounds for the first time since somewhere around 1993.
I will be comfortably in a size 14/16 pair of pants.
I will participate in Rudolph's Red Nose Run 5k on December 3 with a goal of finishing in under 45 minutes.
I will not miss a single workout. I pledge a minimum of 5 workouts per week. (50 workouts)
I will not exceed 1800 calories per day except for Free Day when I will allow an extra 1000 calories.
I will blog daily unless I don't have an internet connection (Possibly Oct. 24, 25, 26)
Cheers!
Margaret
I am beginning a new chapter tomorrow. I'm calling this challenge 72 Days of No Excuses.
Why? Because tomorow there will be exactly 72 days left in this year and I'm determined to finish out this year long journey on the highest note possible. It would be easy for me to say "oh well... I set a goal to lose 100 lbs in a year and there's no way I'll make it, so I'll just give up." ABSOLUTELY NO WAY WILL I DO THAT. I've lost 33 pounds in 10 months. That's a lot better than gaining is it not? Heck yeah it is.
Could I have lost more? Yes.
Have I put in the level of effort required to get there? No.
Does that make me a failure? No.
If I had been willing to do whatever it took to reach this goal, I would be around 75 lbs down by now. I didn't. I own it. And, that's ok. I cannot change yesterday. But, I have everything to say about what happens next.
So, here are my Challenge goals.
In 72 days I will be under 200 pounds for the first time since somewhere around 1993.
I will be comfortably in a size 14/16 pair of pants.
I will participate in Rudolph's Red Nose Run 5k on December 3 with a goal of finishing in under 45 minutes.
I will not miss a single workout. I pledge a minimum of 5 workouts per week. (50 workouts)
I will not exceed 1800 calories per day except for Free Day when I will allow an extra 1000 calories.
I will blog daily unless I don't have an internet connection (Possibly Oct. 24, 25, 26)
Cheers!
Margaret
Friday, October 8, 2010
Back from the Dead...
Day 290
What a difference a week makes. This time last Friday, I was a walking petrie dish. This Friday, I still have the remnants of a cough, but I feel much more like myself. These past two weekends have not been my finest hours. I went from vacation mode to sick mode to work and sick mode in one long blurry, medicine induced haze. It's all been a blur.
This week has really been about work, work and more work. But, at least I'm finally beginning to feel like myself again. This weekend is Tennessee Body for Life Champions Weekend. I'm very excited about this.
Tonight, I will have the opportunity to commiserate with people face to face that I usually only get to "see" online. I'm very excited. I could use some motivation right about now and I always feel great after a BFL event. I can't wait to see some old faces and put some new faces to names. But, what I'm most looking forward to is hearing about the success and determination of others. I can guarantee that I won't make it through this weekend without shedding some tears.
The last BFL event I attended, I weighed roughly 260 pounds. Today, I weigh 230 pounds. That's a significant accomplishment. It's not as much as I'd wanted to lose by now, but, I'm happy and at peace with my progress. I own my triumphs and my missteps. This is a long journey and sometimes I fall short on motivation. I'm looking forward to a big giant dose of it this weekend. Tomorrow, I am planning to run/walk the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5k in Brentwood. It will be my first in... oh I don't know... 10 years? Hopefully, I will survive it.
Next week, I'll be traveling for work. But, I'm looking forward to the swanky hotel gym :).
Cheers!
Margaret
What a difference a week makes. This time last Friday, I was a walking petrie dish. This Friday, I still have the remnants of a cough, but I feel much more like myself. These past two weekends have not been my finest hours. I went from vacation mode to sick mode to work and sick mode in one long blurry, medicine induced haze. It's all been a blur.
This week has really been about work, work and more work. But, at least I'm finally beginning to feel like myself again. This weekend is Tennessee Body for Life Champions Weekend. I'm very excited about this.
Tonight, I will have the opportunity to commiserate with people face to face that I usually only get to "see" online. I'm very excited. I could use some motivation right about now and I always feel great after a BFL event. I can't wait to see some old faces and put some new faces to names. But, what I'm most looking forward to is hearing about the success and determination of others. I can guarantee that I won't make it through this weekend without shedding some tears.
The last BFL event I attended, I weighed roughly 260 pounds. Today, I weigh 230 pounds. That's a significant accomplishment. It's not as much as I'd wanted to lose by now, but, I'm happy and at peace with my progress. I own my triumphs and my missteps. This is a long journey and sometimes I fall short on motivation. I'm looking forward to a big giant dose of it this weekend. Tomorrow, I am planning to run/walk the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5k in Brentwood. It will be my first in... oh I don't know... 10 years? Hopefully, I will survive it.
Next week, I'll be traveling for work. But, I'm looking forward to the swanky hotel gym :).
Cheers!
Margaret
Friday, October 1, 2010
Pride and Dignity Lost
Day 283,
I recently spent a long weekend in Vegas with some really great people. Unfortunately, while I was there I came down with a horrible sinus infection / cold / whatever thing. Did I let this stop me? No. Should I have let this stop me? Probably. Especially since it's nearly 7 days later and I'm still wheezing and hacking like I've smoked for 50 years (which i most certainly have not!).
Anyway, the story which is about to unfold is set in the desert outside of Las Vegas in a town called Bolder City at a place called Bootleg Canyon. On this stiffling hot 105 degree, not a cloud in the sky day, we decided that it would be a good idea to take a Zip Line Tour. Now, it must be said that this decision was made weeks in advance BEFORE I got sick.
In order for you to get the full impact of my story you must also know the following:
1. I am highly prone to motion sickness and I spent 40 minutes in the back seat of a 15 passenger van on the way to our destination.
2. Yes. I was very sick already.
3. I had a hot dog for lunch.
It must also be said that I had no idea that this little foray into the desert included a "short" hike to our destination. Upon arriving at Bootleg Canyon, I'll admit that I was a little green from the van ride, followed by the non-air conditioned school bus ride over. But, me being the kind of person who hates to be perceived as weak in any way, I forged ahead. I was the first to get in line behind our guide to begin our ascent to the first release point. About halfway up I began to feel even more nauseated but I pressed on. Did I mention it was 105 degrees? We got to the top and I was definitely winded.
When you are the fattest person in a group, you never want anyone to know that you are winded or feeling nauseous in these situations because you always feel like people assume it's because you are so out of shape. The second thing you think is that the others must believe that you are hungover from the night before because this is Vegas after all. I grabbed a bottle of water and tried not to cough up a lung before being hooked into the harness for our initial descent. I would have been terrified, but I was literally willing myself not to puke in front of these people. My eyes were watering so badly from my illness that I could barely see.
But, once they hit the release and I began my zip line descent, a broad smile came across my face. This was freakin awesome. Then, I became blinded by my salty watery eyes and I was having trouble seeing the hand signals from our guide. Fortunately, I saw his signal to change positions just in time. For a split second I thought, "why am I flying past Tony when he dropped before me?" Then, I hit and instead of being "caught" by my guide I bounced back off the platform with a vengance. It did not feel good. They way back to the platform was to rock back and forth inching your way over. This was NOT helping my stomach at all. Here come the prayers "please don't puke. please don't puke. You just have to make it until they unlatch you and you can run up that hill."
Once I was unhooked I made a beeline for an "out of the way" place to hurl. Notice the picture below... There really was no "out of the way place".
During the next three runs, I tossed my cookies three more times, which resulted in being "asked" if I would take some Electrolytes.
Guide: Ma'am would you mind taking in some electrolytes? They are going to taste like 'poo' but you will feel a lot better.
Me: I'll take whatever you've got. I don't care how bad it tastes. Just give it to me.
The next picture would be after drinking said electrolytes which did indeed taste like poo, which caused me to vomit again.
That fella walking ahead of me is my friend Larry. Despite my objections he stayed with me and rubbed my back as I hurled saying "It's ok Margar". We are now bonded for life because I don't know too many people who will hold your hand while you puke unless they love you.
My husband would be the one at the top taking the pictures. He would have helped me. But, he can't stand the sight of puke. He would most definitely "do it too."
My mantra on this trek was "never quit." There was no freakin way I was going to give up. But, I will say that judging from this next picture, it's safe to say that I was not hiding my dismay very well...
I recently spent a long weekend in Vegas with some really great people. Unfortunately, while I was there I came down with a horrible sinus infection / cold / whatever thing. Did I let this stop me? No. Should I have let this stop me? Probably. Especially since it's nearly 7 days later and I'm still wheezing and hacking like I've smoked for 50 years (which i most certainly have not!).
Anyway, the story which is about to unfold is set in the desert outside of Las Vegas in a town called Bolder City at a place called Bootleg Canyon. On this stiffling hot 105 degree, not a cloud in the sky day, we decided that it would be a good idea to take a Zip Line Tour. Now, it must be said that this decision was made weeks in advance BEFORE I got sick.
In order for you to get the full impact of my story you must also know the following:
1. I am highly prone to motion sickness and I spent 40 minutes in the back seat of a 15 passenger van on the way to our destination.
2. Yes. I was very sick already.
3. I had a hot dog for lunch.
It must also be said that I had no idea that this little foray into the desert included a "short" hike to our destination. Upon arriving at Bootleg Canyon, I'll admit that I was a little green from the van ride, followed by the non-air conditioned school bus ride over. But, me being the kind of person who hates to be perceived as weak in any way, I forged ahead. I was the first to get in line behind our guide to begin our ascent to the first release point. About halfway up I began to feel even more nauseated but I pressed on. Did I mention it was 105 degrees? We got to the top and I was definitely winded.
When you are the fattest person in a group, you never want anyone to know that you are winded or feeling nauseous in these situations because you always feel like people assume it's because you are so out of shape. The second thing you think is that the others must believe that you are hungover from the night before because this is Vegas after all. I grabbed a bottle of water and tried not to cough up a lung before being hooked into the harness for our initial descent. I would have been terrified, but I was literally willing myself not to puke in front of these people. My eyes were watering so badly from my illness that I could barely see.
But, once they hit the release and I began my zip line descent, a broad smile came across my face. This was freakin awesome. Then, I became blinded by my salty watery eyes and I was having trouble seeing the hand signals from our guide. Fortunately, I saw his signal to change positions just in time. For a split second I thought, "why am I flying past Tony when he dropped before me?" Then, I hit and instead of being "caught" by my guide I bounced back off the platform with a vengance. It did not feel good. They way back to the platform was to rock back and forth inching your way over. This was NOT helping my stomach at all. Here come the prayers "please don't puke. please don't puke. You just have to make it until they unlatch you and you can run up that hill."
Once I was unhooked I made a beeline for an "out of the way" place to hurl. Notice the picture below... There really was no "out of the way place".
During the next three runs, I tossed my cookies three more times, which resulted in being "asked" if I would take some Electrolytes.
Guide: Ma'am would you mind taking in some electrolytes? They are going to taste like 'poo' but you will feel a lot better.
Me: I'll take whatever you've got. I don't care how bad it tastes. Just give it to me.
The next picture would be after drinking said electrolytes which did indeed taste like poo, which caused me to vomit again.
My husband would be the one at the top taking the pictures. He would have helped me. But, he can't stand the sight of puke. He would most definitely "do it too."
My mantra on this trek was "never quit." There was no freakin way I was going to give up. But, I will say that judging from this next picture, it's safe to say that I was not hiding my dismay very well...
Suffice it to say that I did make it through all four runs and despite the fact that I was indeed sick as a dog, totally mortified and sweating like it was my job... I would definitely do it all over again. I left pride and dignity in Bootleg Canyon. But, I did not leave my gumption.
Let's end this on a good note.... At least at the beginning of the tour, I had a smile on my face. :)
Cheers!
Margaret
Monday, September 13, 2010
Workin with the Big Boys
Day 265,
Tonight I worked out with Skully and Larry. I'm pretty sure that simple tasks like washing my hair, brushing my teeth or typing will be quite painful tomorrow. These guys don't mess around and that's exactly why I worked out with them.
I had a wardrobe malfunction that could have easily precipitated a trip home after work before hitting the gym. I called Tony to tell him that I was going to the YMCA near our house instead of working out with him. But, deep down I knew that if I came home first, I would skip it. I turned my car around for the second time and called my husband back to tell him that YES I was coming to work out with him and Larry. This is exactly what I needed too. I knew that I would exercise harder with them and, of course, it would keep me from skipping.
Ordinarily, I stay away from the Bench Press when I'm by myself since I don't have a spotter. That was not the case tonight. So, I gave it a shot. My max weight was 95 lbs on the flat bench and 85lbs on the incline. Not too shabby for a girl. Just don't ask me to wave at you tomorrow. I don't think I'll have it in me. I did sissy out on the pushups though. :)
Tomorrow is legs. I'm going to try and workout with them again. I should probably have a walker or some crutches handy for Wednesday. Wish me luck!
Cheers!
Margaret
Tonight I worked out with Skully and Larry. I'm pretty sure that simple tasks like washing my hair, brushing my teeth or typing will be quite painful tomorrow. These guys don't mess around and that's exactly why I worked out with them.
I had a wardrobe malfunction that could have easily precipitated a trip home after work before hitting the gym. I called Tony to tell him that I was going to the YMCA near our house instead of working out with him. But, deep down I knew that if I came home first, I would skip it. I turned my car around for the second time and called my husband back to tell him that YES I was coming to work out with him and Larry. This is exactly what I needed too. I knew that I would exercise harder with them and, of course, it would keep me from skipping.
Ordinarily, I stay away from the Bench Press when I'm by myself since I don't have a spotter. That was not the case tonight. So, I gave it a shot. My max weight was 95 lbs on the flat bench and 85lbs on the incline. Not too shabby for a girl. Just don't ask me to wave at you tomorrow. I don't think I'll have it in me. I did sissy out on the pushups though. :)
Tomorrow is legs. I'm going to try and workout with them again. I should probably have a walker or some crutches handy for Wednesday. Wish me luck!
Cheers!
Margaret
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Breakfast Burgers??
Day 264,
Titan's Football tailgating is not the most figure friendly event. Today was no exception. 1800 calories per day adds up with the quickness. By the time, we left the stadium I had consumed exactly 50% of my calories for the day. Given that it was 4 pm, this is not so bad.
But, I was hungry when I got home. Decisions.... Decisions... Yummy Chocolate cake that I made last night at roughly 300 of the 900 calories I have left for the day or a can of Progresso Soup and an Apple at less than 200 calories? I chose the latter and I'm better off for it. Not only was this a more satisfying meal and a good calorie value, but it also contained about a 1/4 of the fat. I've had plenty of fat today.
It must be noted that I avoided the Fried chicken, oatmeal raisin cookies and jello shots that were available during today's tailgating festivities. I just kept thinking "If you eat it, you have to count the calories. Is it worth it?"
I'll be hungry again by 7 pm and that is fine. Tonight's dinner will be leftover chili from last night. My chili is delicious and made with 93% Extra Lean Ground Beef. This will still leave me with a few hundred calories to play with should I decide that popcorn is in order for the True Blood season finale tonight.
Good Way to end the week. I might even sneak in an evening walk for good measure.
Cheers!
Margaret
 |
| My Husband cracks me up |
But, I was hungry when I got home. Decisions.... Decisions... Yummy Chocolate cake that I made last night at roughly 300 of the 900 calories I have left for the day or a can of Progresso Soup and an Apple at less than 200 calories? I chose the latter and I'm better off for it. Not only was this a more satisfying meal and a good calorie value, but it also contained about a 1/4 of the fat. I've had plenty of fat today.
It must be noted that I avoided the Fried chicken, oatmeal raisin cookies and jello shots that were available during today's tailgating festivities. I just kept thinking "If you eat it, you have to count the calories. Is it worth it?"
I'll be hungry again by 7 pm and that is fine. Tonight's dinner will be leftover chili from last night. My chili is delicious and made with 93% Extra Lean Ground Beef. This will still leave me with a few hundred calories to play with should I decide that popcorn is in order for the True Blood season finale tonight.
Good Way to end the week. I might even sneak in an evening walk for good measure.
Cheers!
Margaret
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Grumpy Grumperson
Day 263,
I'm in a pissy mood. I've had the most negative attitude lately. It hit me today that the reason I'm so grumpy is because of my inconsistency. I'll have a great week and then I'll have a crap week. I have not lost a pound in over a month. Actually, I've gained and lost the same three pounds over and over again.
I had a fantastic week the week before Labor Day. But, we went to Ohio for the holiday weekend and I just fell apart. I was at the mercy of other people's food choices. Friday night - Pizza. Saturday: Hot Dogs, Sausages and Birthday cake. Sunday: Oh My God --- More Pizza and wings and chips and queso. Let's not forget the beer. I call it the "lost" weekend. It will be a LONG time before I can eat pizza again. A very VERY LONG time.
We arrived home Monday night. During our long trip home we received a call that our upstairs bathroom was flooding into our downstairs bathroom. Fortunately, it wasn't as bad as we thought. But, it meant that we had no water when we got home. The up-side is that I got up Tuesday morning and went to the YMCA for a workout and shower.
I skipped Wednesday and Thursday due to back pain. Our mattress is absolutely killing my back. This fact became painfully evident after we got back from Ohio. By Wednesday, I could barely move. Today, we bought a new mattress and I just have to suffer until Thursday. I may not make it.
Last night, I tried my hand at Yoga. I thought it might help my back. It did a little. But, it was an awkward sight to behold at best. Thank goodness I was home alone. :) I thought I would do it at home before I tried it out at the YMCA. I'm glad I did. My yoga skills are not ready for the viewing public. I think I"ll stick to weights and the elliptical at the Y.
Cheers!
Margaret
I'm in a pissy mood. I've had the most negative attitude lately. It hit me today that the reason I'm so grumpy is because of my inconsistency. I'll have a great week and then I'll have a crap week. I have not lost a pound in over a month. Actually, I've gained and lost the same three pounds over and over again.
I had a fantastic week the week before Labor Day. But, we went to Ohio for the holiday weekend and I just fell apart. I was at the mercy of other people's food choices. Friday night - Pizza. Saturday: Hot Dogs, Sausages and Birthday cake. Sunday: Oh My God --- More Pizza and wings and chips and queso. Let's not forget the beer. I call it the "lost" weekend. It will be a LONG time before I can eat pizza again. A very VERY LONG time.
We arrived home Monday night. During our long trip home we received a call that our upstairs bathroom was flooding into our downstairs bathroom. Fortunately, it wasn't as bad as we thought. But, it meant that we had no water when we got home. The up-side is that I got up Tuesday morning and went to the YMCA for a workout and shower.
I skipped Wednesday and Thursday due to back pain. Our mattress is absolutely killing my back. This fact became painfully evident after we got back from Ohio. By Wednesday, I could barely move. Today, we bought a new mattress and I just have to suffer until Thursday. I may not make it.
Last night, I tried my hand at Yoga. I thought it might help my back. It did a little. But, it was an awkward sight to behold at best. Thank goodness I was home alone. :) I thought I would do it at home before I tried it out at the YMCA. I'm glad I did. My yoga skills are not ready for the viewing public. I think I"ll stick to weights and the elliptical at the Y.
Cheers!
Margaret
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Four-peat
Day 254,
Yesterday I hit the exercise Trifecta. Today, I managed a Four-Peat. I'm so sore, I may need copious amounts of ibuprohen, a tube of Ben Gay, a few Icy Hot patches, and a cane just to get around tomorrow. But, I'm content.
I've been working my way back into the game for weeks... possibly months now. And, I finally feel like I'm there. I've been seeking motivation from others like Sean Anderson who has a blog called The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. His story is so inspirational. He started out at 505 pounds a little over two years ago and today, at 239 lbs, he is just a few pounds from his goal.
I am particularly fond of his "Calorie Bank and Trust". I've created one for myself. My bank has 1800 calories per day in it. I can choose whatever I want, so long as I stay at or below 1800 calories. I'm not exactly sure what to do with the leftovers yet.
I've stayed well within the 1800 this week. But, I missed breakfast yesterday and today and that is just not acceptable. The very nature of the term Breakfast is to Break the fast that your body goes through during sleep. Eating breakfast jump starts your metabolic furnace. I had snacks at the office to eat and forgot them too because I got busy. I know better. I will do better.
Today I ate:
Burrito Bowl from Chipotle with steak, rice, beans, salsa and cheese
Which Wich Sub and House Chips
Small Strawberries and Cream Ice Cream from Marble Slab Creamery
1521 Calories Total
38% Carbs
39% Fat
23% Protein
Tomorrow, we migrate north to Newton Falls, Ohio for the long holiday weekend. I'm excited to see my friends and can't wait to enjoy some down time.
Cheers!
Margaret
Yesterday I hit the exercise Trifecta. Today, I managed a Four-Peat. I'm so sore, I may need copious amounts of ibuprohen, a tube of Ben Gay, a few Icy Hot patches, and a cane just to get around tomorrow. But, I'm content.
I've been working my way back into the game for weeks... possibly months now. And, I finally feel like I'm there. I've been seeking motivation from others like Sean Anderson who has a blog called The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. His story is so inspirational. He started out at 505 pounds a little over two years ago and today, at 239 lbs, he is just a few pounds from his goal.
I am particularly fond of his "Calorie Bank and Trust". I've created one for myself. My bank has 1800 calories per day in it. I can choose whatever I want, so long as I stay at or below 1800 calories. I'm not exactly sure what to do with the leftovers yet.
I've stayed well within the 1800 this week. But, I missed breakfast yesterday and today and that is just not acceptable. The very nature of the term Breakfast is to Break the fast that your body goes through during sleep. Eating breakfast jump starts your metabolic furnace. I had snacks at the office to eat and forgot them too because I got busy. I know better. I will do better.
Today I ate:
Burrito Bowl from Chipotle with steak, rice, beans, salsa and cheese
Which Wich Sub and House Chips
Small Strawberries and Cream Ice Cream from Marble Slab Creamery
1521 Calories Total
38% Carbs
39% Fat
23% Protein
Tomorrow, we migrate north to Newton Falls, Ohio for the long holiday weekend. I'm excited to see my friends and can't wait to enjoy some down time.
Cheers!
Margaret
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Weeds!
First let's recap since my last post.
Day 241, 242, 243 - Race Weekend. Good Times. Suspect Behavior.
Day 243 - Back at work. Tired and feeling every bit my age.
Day 244 - 248 - Sick with a Sinus infection. Training new temporary employee. Exhausted.
Day 249 - Feeling Better
Day 250 - Music City BBQ Festival - A blast, but not my finest nutritional moment.
Day 251 - Back to reality again. Workout - check. Good eating - check.
Day 252 - Workout - Check. Good eating - Check.
And..... we're back.
Day 253,
Have you ever noticed how bad habits are like weeds -- easy to develop, spread like wild fire and are hard as hell to get rid of? I constantly find myself reverting back to old behaviors simply out of habit. I've backslid into drinking a lot of Diet Coke at the office instead of water. This has been partially enabled by the fact that our water filter at the office has been broken all week and tap water is all that's available. (Sue me.. I'm a water snob). But, we all know that's just an excuse. My lack of "hydration" is showing up on my skin too. My neck looks like I'm 14 and not in a good way!
Apart from my struggle with water intake and pre-pubescent acne, this week has been great so far. My at work stressor is out of the country. I have a new temporary employee who is helping me and is eager to do a good job. She asks a lot of questions, but that goes with the territory when you're training someone new. It's a four day work week for me, which will be followed by another four day week thanks to the holiday. AND .. I've managed two workouts in a row and plan to make it a trifecta after work today.
Yesterday I ate:
Bacon and Biscuit
Chicken Salad Sandwich on Toasted Wheat
Taco Ring (Pampered Chef Recipe)
Chocolate Molten Lava cake (a frozen dessert which BLEW!)
1489 Calories; 33% Carbohydrates; 49% fat; 18% Protein
Too few calories, too much fat, not enough protein.
Cheers!
Margaret
232+ lbs.
Day 241, 242, 243 - Race Weekend. Good Times. Suspect Behavior.
Day 243 - Back at work. Tired and feeling every bit my age.
Day 244 - 248 - Sick with a Sinus infection. Training new temporary employee. Exhausted.
Day 249 - Feeling Better
Day 250 - Music City BBQ Festival - A blast, but not my finest nutritional moment.
Day 251 - Back to reality again. Workout - check. Good eating - check.
Day 252 - Workout - Check. Good eating - Check.
And..... we're back.
Day 253,
Have you ever noticed how bad habits are like weeds -- easy to develop, spread like wild fire and are hard as hell to get rid of? I constantly find myself reverting back to old behaviors simply out of habit. I've backslid into drinking a lot of Diet Coke at the office instead of water. This has been partially enabled by the fact that our water filter at the office has been broken all week and tap water is all that's available. (Sue me.. I'm a water snob). But, we all know that's just an excuse. My lack of "hydration" is showing up on my skin too. My neck looks like I'm 14 and not in a good way!
Apart from my struggle with water intake and pre-pubescent acne, this week has been great so far. My at work stressor is out of the country. I have a new temporary employee who is helping me and is eager to do a good job. She asks a lot of questions, but that goes with the territory when you're training someone new. It's a four day work week for me, which will be followed by another four day week thanks to the holiday. AND .. I've managed two workouts in a row and plan to make it a trifecta after work today.
Yesterday I ate:
Bacon and Biscuit
Chicken Salad Sandwich on Toasted Wheat
Taco Ring (Pampered Chef Recipe)
Chocolate Molten Lava cake (a frozen dessert which BLEW!)
1489 Calories; 33% Carbohydrates; 49% fat; 18% Protein
Too few calories, too much fat, not enough protein.
Cheers!
Margaret
232+ lbs.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Plus Size in the Eye of the Beholder
Day 240,
As a plus size gal, my shopping choices are limited. There's Lane Bryant (I affectionately refer to her as "the Giant"), Catherines (old lady clothes), and The Avenue (crap) on the regular retail front. Then there are some higher end internet options like Igigi and Kyonnna, both of which have awesome clothes that I can't normally bring myself to spend money on. $150 for a dress is more than I can stomach...
Anyway, I am constantly "floored" by what people consider to be a "plus sized" woman. Take this picture for instance.
If this is what Plus size really means, then sign me up. This woman is beautiful and not at all overweight.
What does it say about our society when we tell women that if they are this size, it means they are fat?!?! Look at the definition in this woman's arms? She is fit. Now if only my chest would stay in that position when I lie down.... Alas... she's probably 23 and I'm 43 so without some duct tape and a harness, it's not likely to happen.
Kidding aside, If I can come close to achieving this shape, I (AND my husband) will be jumping for joy.
I can count on one hand the number of people I know who are a size 2. They are beautiful women. But, they are not the norm. Granted, an inordinate number of Americans are obese. But, if you look at what a healthy weight/BMI is for a woman, she would come closer to looking like the picture above, NOT the picture below:
Don't get me wrong, this gal is beautiful. But, about 1% of the population looks like her. Perhaps that's the point. I'm sure the men who read my blog would agree that both women are beautiful and neither of them are fat. Personally, I think model number two is too skinny. But, that could just be jealousy talking. For all I know, she has to fight like hell to stay above a hundred pounds. (I do have friends that have trouble keeping weight ON. Seriously. I guess we all have our crosses to bear.)
I guess I've gone off on a bit of a tangent today. But, I couldn't help myself. I got an email from Lane Bryant and I was struck by how "un-plus" size the model on the advertisement is. On the one hand, she gives me a real shape to aspire to. But, on the other, it's just a sad commentary about the world we live in when we tell this gorgeous lady that she's too fat to be a "real" model. But, that it's ok for her to model "plus" size clothing.
On to other news... Yesterday was MUCH better on the food front. I ate:
Breakfast: Myoplex
Lunch: 1/2 of a Totinos Pizza
Dinner: 1 serving Bumble Bee Tuna; 1 tbls light mayo; 1 salad pocket and a serving of pretzels
Snack: 1: 1 oz roasted, unsalted cashews
Snack 2: Toast Chee Reduced Fat Peanut Butter Crackers.
The Daily Tally was: 1428 calories; 42% Carbs; 36% fat; 22% Protein
I nearly screwed it up today. But, I caught myself. It's been raining here at "Camp Gitty Up". We didn't eat breakfast because no one wanted to deal with the mess. By the time we hit Walmart it was around 11 and we were both starving. Walmart has a McDonalds in it. DANGER DANGER DANGER...
I bellied up to the counter and ordered my trusty #3 with no onions, no ketchup and diet coke to drink. When my food came I realized that "their" #3 was different than the #3 I usually order. It was a DOUBLE quarter pounder. So, I ate 1/2 of it and about a 1/3 of the fries. Crisis averted. I left 372 calories on the table yesterday and we're having a very healthy Cajun Shrimp Stir Fry for dinner tonight. I plan to indulge in the nectar of the Gods tonight ... also known as Michelob Ultra... But, I will keep it reasonable (maybe).
Cheers!
Margaret
Beginning Weight: 259
Current Weight: 232
As a plus size gal, my shopping choices are limited. There's Lane Bryant (I affectionately refer to her as "the Giant"), Catherines (old lady clothes), and The Avenue (crap) on the regular retail front. Then there are some higher end internet options like Igigi and Kyonnna, both of which have awesome clothes that I can't normally bring myself to spend money on. $150 for a dress is more than I can stomach...
Anyway, I am constantly "floored" by what people consider to be a "plus sized" woman. Take this picture for instance.
What does it say about our society when we tell women that if they are this size, it means they are fat?!?! Look at the definition in this woman's arms? She is fit. Now if only my chest would stay in that position when I lie down.... Alas... she's probably 23 and I'm 43 so without some duct tape and a harness, it's not likely to happen.
Kidding aside, If I can come close to achieving this shape, I (AND my husband) will be jumping for joy.
I can count on one hand the number of people I know who are a size 2. They are beautiful women. But, they are not the norm. Granted, an inordinate number of Americans are obese. But, if you look at what a healthy weight/BMI is for a woman, she would come closer to looking like the picture above, NOT the picture below:
I guess I've gone off on a bit of a tangent today. But, I couldn't help myself. I got an email from Lane Bryant and I was struck by how "un-plus" size the model on the advertisement is. On the one hand, she gives me a real shape to aspire to. But, on the other, it's just a sad commentary about the world we live in when we tell this gorgeous lady that she's too fat to be a "real" model. But, that it's ok for her to model "plus" size clothing.
On to other news... Yesterday was MUCH better on the food front. I ate:
Breakfast: Myoplex
Lunch: 1/2 of a Totinos Pizza
Dinner: 1 serving Bumble Bee Tuna; 1 tbls light mayo; 1 salad pocket and a serving of pretzels
Snack: 1: 1 oz roasted, unsalted cashews
Snack 2: Toast Chee Reduced Fat Peanut Butter Crackers.
The Daily Tally was: 1428 calories; 42% Carbs; 36% fat; 22% Protein
I nearly screwed it up today. But, I caught myself. It's been raining here at "Camp Gitty Up". We didn't eat breakfast because no one wanted to deal with the mess. By the time we hit Walmart it was around 11 and we were both starving. Walmart has a McDonalds in it. DANGER DANGER DANGER...
I bellied up to the counter and ordered my trusty #3 with no onions, no ketchup and diet coke to drink. When my food came I realized that "their" #3 was different than the #3 I usually order. It was a DOUBLE quarter pounder. So, I ate 1/2 of it and about a 1/3 of the fries. Crisis averted. I left 372 calories on the table yesterday and we're having a very healthy Cajun Shrimp Stir Fry for dinner tonight. I plan to indulge in the nectar of the Gods tonight ... also known as Michelob Ultra... But, I will keep it reasonable (maybe).
Cheers!
Margaret
Beginning Weight: 259
Current Weight: 232
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Eureka Moment
Day 239
I've been going about this all wrong. Well, not "all" wrong. But, I've had a eureka moment that I simply must share. A friend of mine "T" sent me a link to a new blog a few weeks ago. It's called Losing Weight Every Day. It's the daily diary of a winning loser. This guy lost 200 lbs in one year. Back up and read that again... I'll wait.
Ok... now that this information has had a moment to sink in... He is roughly 16 pounds from his goal of losing 275 pounds. It's quite remarkable really. But, it's these words that I found profound.
"I needed to confront my behaviors with food in everyday situations, and it had to be head on with real food like everybody else eats. I then determined that nothing was off limits. I could eat anything I wanted, and I mean anything! That element of my journey has been one of the keys to success, because if nothing is off limits, then I'll never feel deprived...and I'll never feel defeated because I enjoyed something that conventional weight loss wisdom says you can't have if you want to lose weight."
I also believe this journey is 20% what you eat and how often you move and 80% MENTAL. Sometimes I really feel that I am battling an addiction. It's not like smoking or drinking. I can't just "quit" eating. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to minimize the severity of Alcoholism or Smoking. I grew up with an addict and I know first hand just how destructive those addictions can be. But, food addictions are just as real... just as destructive...
It's not the regular behaviors that keep me fat. It's the irregular behaviors that I rarely, if ever, talk about that keep me fat. What you "see" me eat is not the issue. It's what you don't "see" me eat that haunts me. It's a lot more under control today than it was months ago. But, I still battle and fight the urge to raid my kitchen and eat everything in sight when I'm by myself. Sometimes I wish I had a shock collar that would zap me back into reality when I go down this path. While I might feel good about it in the "moment", that moment invariably passes and I'm left feeling defeated and ashamed.
On my way to work this morning I wondered to myself... "What happened to the fire in my belly? Why is this so hard today, when it was so easy in the beginning?" Nothing has really changed except my perception. It's a lack of confidence that is weighing me down along with a good dose of denial. While I appreciate the comments about muscle weighing more than fat, the truth is I have not been doing the work. I've been eating like the old Margaret and wondering "why" the scale isn't moving down. The only reason I haven't gained weight is because I'm exercising.
This is WHY I haven't lost any weight. Yesterday I ate:
Breakfast: Myoplex Shake
Lunch: Little Bacon Cheeseburger and Seasoned Fries from Five Guys Burgers and Fries
Snack 1: Ice Cream Sandwich
Snack 2: Snickers (stressed b/c I can't find a temporary marketing assistant to help while regular person is on Maternity leave)
Dinner: 6" Tuna on wheat and bag of Cool Ranch Doritos
Snack 3: Slim-a-bear Ice cream (Ate it because I "have" to have "dessert" which is BS!)
Snack 4: Single Serve popcorn with 2 tbls butter. (Wasn't even hungry. Just ate for the sake of eating it)
2707 Calories; 49% Fat; 38% Carbs; 13% protein.
Unacceptable.
I could have easily reigned this in to the following:
Breakfast: Myoplex Shake
Lunch: Little Hamburger and Seasoned Fries
Snack: Fruit and String Cheese
Dinner: Roast Beef on Wheat and a Bag of Baked Lays
Snack: Slim-A-Bear Ice Cream
1668 calories; 31% Fat; 48% Carbs and 21% Protein.
Not perfect. But, WAY healthier.
Typically, a balanced diet should work out to 40% Protein; 30% Carbs; 30% fat.
Today is going much better so far. I'll let you know how it works out. But, I have to say that knowing I'll have to put it down here will make it a lot easier to be reasonable. Looking back and what I ate yesterday is Eye Opening or shall I say... it's a EUREKA moment! :)
Cheers!
Margaret
I've been going about this all wrong. Well, not "all" wrong. But, I've had a eureka moment that I simply must share. A friend of mine "T" sent me a link to a new blog a few weeks ago. It's called Losing Weight Every Day. It's the daily diary of a winning loser. This guy lost 200 lbs in one year. Back up and read that again... I'll wait.
Ok... now that this information has had a moment to sink in... He is roughly 16 pounds from his goal of losing 275 pounds. It's quite remarkable really. But, it's these words that I found profound.
"I needed to confront my behaviors with food in everyday situations, and it had to be head on with real food like everybody else eats. I then determined that nothing was off limits. I could eat anything I wanted, and I mean anything! That element of my journey has been one of the keys to success, because if nothing is off limits, then I'll never feel deprived...and I'll never feel defeated because I enjoyed something that conventional weight loss wisdom says you can't have if you want to lose weight."
I also believe this journey is 20% what you eat and how often you move and 80% MENTAL. Sometimes I really feel that I am battling an addiction. It's not like smoking or drinking. I can't just "quit" eating. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to minimize the severity of Alcoholism or Smoking. I grew up with an addict and I know first hand just how destructive those addictions can be. But, food addictions are just as real... just as destructive...
It's not the regular behaviors that keep me fat. It's the irregular behaviors that I rarely, if ever, talk about that keep me fat. What you "see" me eat is not the issue. It's what you don't "see" me eat that haunts me. It's a lot more under control today than it was months ago. But, I still battle and fight the urge to raid my kitchen and eat everything in sight when I'm by myself. Sometimes I wish I had a shock collar that would zap me back into reality when I go down this path. While I might feel good about it in the "moment", that moment invariably passes and I'm left feeling defeated and ashamed.
On my way to work this morning I wondered to myself... "What happened to the fire in my belly? Why is this so hard today, when it was so easy in the beginning?" Nothing has really changed except my perception. It's a lack of confidence that is weighing me down along with a good dose of denial. While I appreciate the comments about muscle weighing more than fat, the truth is I have not been doing the work. I've been eating like the old Margaret and wondering "why" the scale isn't moving down. The only reason I haven't gained weight is because I'm exercising.
This is WHY I haven't lost any weight. Yesterday I ate:
Breakfast: Myoplex Shake
Lunch: Little Bacon Cheeseburger and Seasoned Fries from Five Guys Burgers and Fries
Snack 1: Ice Cream Sandwich
Snack 2: Snickers (stressed b/c I can't find a temporary marketing assistant to help while regular person is on Maternity leave)
Dinner: 6" Tuna on wheat and bag of Cool Ranch Doritos
Snack 3: Slim-a-bear Ice cream (Ate it because I "have" to have "dessert" which is BS!)
Snack 4: Single Serve popcorn with 2 tbls butter. (Wasn't even hungry. Just ate for the sake of eating it)
2707 Calories; 49% Fat; 38% Carbs; 13% protein.
Unacceptable.
I could have easily reigned this in to the following:
Breakfast: Myoplex Shake
Lunch: Little Hamburger and Seasoned Fries
Snack: Fruit and String Cheese
Dinner: Roast Beef on Wheat and a Bag of Baked Lays
Snack: Slim-A-Bear Ice Cream
1668 calories; 31% Fat; 48% Carbs and 21% Protein.
Not perfect. But, WAY healthier.
Typically, a balanced diet should work out to 40% Protein; 30% Carbs; 30% fat.
Today is going much better so far. I'll let you know how it works out. But, I have to say that knowing I'll have to put it down here will make it a lot easier to be reasonable. Looking back and what I ate yesterday is Eye Opening or shall I say... it's a EUREKA moment! :)
Cheers!
Margaret
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Disgusted
Day 228
I just can't seem to get my head out of my _ _ _ (fill in the blank with the appropriate three letter word). I seem to have fallen of the nutrition wagon and I don't mean a little stumble either. I mean... I fell off a cliff, slammed on every single pointy rock on the way down before landing in a ravine. I'm in need of a first responder... an EMT... A paramedic... a Snake Oil Salesman... Or, at the very least a hyptnotist.
Seriously, WTF? What is it about human nature that causes us to walk away when things get tough? This is really what it's all about. Logically, I know it. My weight loss stalled. I wasn't seeing the results I felt I should be seeing given the level of effort so I mentally gave up.
It's hard for me to type this too. You have no idea how hard it is. My tendency is to run and hide when stuff like this happens. It's pretty much a safe bet that when I disappear, something is wrong. I don't like admitting problems. And, I certainly don't like facing them. I'm a classic avoider and a notorious procrastinator. It's easier to say "I don't have time to blog." But, in the interest of keeping it real, I'll be honest. I skip because I don't want to admit failure. If I write, I have to be accountable. And, if I have to admit a mistake, I'd just as soon ignore it all together.
I actually had little thoughts swimming in my head about shutting this blog down. (don't worry. I"m not gonna. that's the ultimate failure. I can't do that.) I've even entertained a couple of crash diets. Have you heard about the HCG diet? You take these hormone drops and then essentially eat like a rabbit for three weeks. Then, I considered giving up all carbs for a month. (Really?) I'm sure it works in the short term. But, let's face it, I've got a long term issue. A crash diet is not going to solve my problems. Those solutions are only designed to help me NOT face the fact that I've been slacking for a while now.
Weight Loss is like anything if you want to reap the rewards, you have to do the work. There are no short cuts. No matter how much I wish there were.
So, I'll admit it. I'm disgusted and I'm at an impasse. All I can say is Thank God my weight loss has just stalled. I don't think I could handle it if I'd gained the weight back.
Failure is not an option. I can do this. NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES.
Now that I've got the negative stuff out of the way, let's talk positives. Yesterday's leg workout was awesome. I'm really starting to get stronger. Today is cardio. I'm not looking forward to it. But, we leave for Bristol tomorrow and I can't afford to skip any workouts.
FYI - Blogging from the race will be a challenge. But, at least my nifty new Droid Incredible gives me access. They keyboard makes a long post nearly impossible. But, I can definitely deliver one or two lines. I commit to daily blogging no matter what I have to share.
Cheers!
Margaret
Beginning Weight: 259
Current Weight: 232
* You will start seeing this at the bottom of all my posts. Keeping it real. No more hiding from the truth.
I just can't seem to get my head out of my _ _ _ (fill in the blank with the appropriate three letter word). I seem to have fallen of the nutrition wagon and I don't mean a little stumble either. I mean... I fell off a cliff, slammed on every single pointy rock on the way down before landing in a ravine. I'm in need of a first responder... an EMT... A paramedic... a Snake Oil Salesman... Or, at the very least a hyptnotist.
Seriously, WTF? What is it about human nature that causes us to walk away when things get tough? This is really what it's all about. Logically, I know it. My weight loss stalled. I wasn't seeing the results I felt I should be seeing given the level of effort so I mentally gave up.
It's hard for me to type this too. You have no idea how hard it is. My tendency is to run and hide when stuff like this happens. It's pretty much a safe bet that when I disappear, something is wrong. I don't like admitting problems. And, I certainly don't like facing them. I'm a classic avoider and a notorious procrastinator. It's easier to say "I don't have time to blog." But, in the interest of keeping it real, I'll be honest. I skip because I don't want to admit failure. If I write, I have to be accountable. And, if I have to admit a mistake, I'd just as soon ignore it all together.
I actually had little thoughts swimming in my head about shutting this blog down. (don't worry. I"m not gonna. that's the ultimate failure. I can't do that.) I've even entertained a couple of crash diets. Have you heard about the HCG diet? You take these hormone drops and then essentially eat like a rabbit for three weeks. Then, I considered giving up all carbs for a month. (Really?) I'm sure it works in the short term. But, let's face it, I've got a long term issue. A crash diet is not going to solve my problems. Those solutions are only designed to help me NOT face the fact that I've been slacking for a while now.
Weight Loss is like anything if you want to reap the rewards, you have to do the work. There are no short cuts. No matter how much I wish there were.
So, I'll admit it. I'm disgusted and I'm at an impasse. All I can say is Thank God my weight loss has just stalled. I don't think I could handle it if I'd gained the weight back.
Failure is not an option. I can do this. NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES.
Now that I've got the negative stuff out of the way, let's talk positives. Yesterday's leg workout was awesome. I'm really starting to get stronger. Today is cardio. I'm not looking forward to it. But, we leave for Bristol tomorrow and I can't afford to skip any workouts.
FYI - Blogging from the race will be a challenge. But, at least my nifty new Droid Incredible gives me access. They keyboard makes a long post nearly impossible. But, I can definitely deliver one or two lines. I commit to daily blogging no matter what I have to share.
Cheers!
Margaret
Beginning Weight: 259
Current Weight: 232
* You will start seeing this at the bottom of all my posts. Keeping it real. No more hiding from the truth.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Day by Day... Hour by Hour... Minute by Minute..
Day 223
Sore doesn't even begin to cover how I felt when I woke up this morning. Add a huge sinus headache on top of it and one can understand that it took me quite a while to find my "happy place." Even my "angry" Ipod playlist on my way to work didn't help... :)
It's no secret to my friends that work has been stressing me out lately. It's manisfested itself in some pretty stupid emotional eating too. But, we won't go there tonight. Today's stress was no different from any other. But, I did come to work with my head on reasonably straight (after a bottle of water, a Diet Coke, A Claritin and two Excedrin).
I had a meeting with a superior first thing that went about how I expected it would go, but not as I'd planned. Then, it was a team lunch to meet a new SVP of Sales. I had zero expectations and was pleasantly surprised. However, walking across the street to the restaurant in near one hundred degree heat was NO FUN! The walk back which is all up hill was no fun either. But, I was not winded at all once I reached the top. YAY ME! A year ago, I would not have been able to carry a conversation walking up that hill. I would have also been the last one to reach the top.
Tonight I had dinner with my lovely cousins Angela and Jennifer (and Jennifer's boyfriend Andy). It was a pleasant end to another stressful day. Now, it's time to burn some midnight oil in preparation for another full day tomorrow.
Sometimes I literally have to take this journey day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute. I falter. I fail. I achieve. I succeed. It's all relative. And, it's all part of the journey. I talked to my dad on the phone tonight. We really don't talk that much. In the course of conversation, he asked me how the weight loss was coming. I told him about my progress and challenges. Then, he said the sweetest thing "Hang in there. I know you can do it. You'll get there." I don't care how old you are, or what your relationship with your parents might be, those are the sweetest words a child can ever hear. I am re-invigorated as a result.
It also doesn't hurt that this time next week, I'll be setting up camp in Bristol awaiting the arrival of my peeps.
Tomorrow is Cardio Day. Wish me luck!
Cheers!
Margaret
Sore doesn't even begin to cover how I felt when I woke up this morning. Add a huge sinus headache on top of it and one can understand that it took me quite a while to find my "happy place." Even my "angry" Ipod playlist on my way to work didn't help... :)
It's no secret to my friends that work has been stressing me out lately. It's manisfested itself in some pretty stupid emotional eating too. But, we won't go there tonight. Today's stress was no different from any other. But, I did come to work with my head on reasonably straight (after a bottle of water, a Diet Coke, A Claritin and two Excedrin).
I had a meeting with a superior first thing that went about how I expected it would go, but not as I'd planned. Then, it was a team lunch to meet a new SVP of Sales. I had zero expectations and was pleasantly surprised. However, walking across the street to the restaurant in near one hundred degree heat was NO FUN! The walk back which is all up hill was no fun either. But, I was not winded at all once I reached the top. YAY ME! A year ago, I would not have been able to carry a conversation walking up that hill. I would have also been the last one to reach the top.
Tonight I had dinner with my lovely cousins Angela and Jennifer (and Jennifer's boyfriend Andy). It was a pleasant end to another stressful day. Now, it's time to burn some midnight oil in preparation for another full day tomorrow.
Sometimes I literally have to take this journey day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute. I falter. I fail. I achieve. I succeed. It's all relative. And, it's all part of the journey. I talked to my dad on the phone tonight. We really don't talk that much. In the course of conversation, he asked me how the weight loss was coming. I told him about my progress and challenges. Then, he said the sweetest thing "Hang in there. I know you can do it. You'll get there." I don't care how old you are, or what your relationship with your parents might be, those are the sweetest words a child can ever hear. I am re-invigorated as a result.
It also doesn't hurt that this time next week, I'll be setting up camp in Bristol awaiting the arrival of my peeps.
Tomorrow is Cardio Day. Wish me luck!
Cheers!
Margaret
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Confession is Good for the Soul...I think
Day 222,
They say confession is good for the soul....
There's a lot to be said for the structure of a workday. The predictable ritual of it all makes timed meals an easy thing to do. I worked from home today because I was doing some online training and my cubicle is not conducive to working in solitude. Anyway, I started the day off right. My usual Myoplex Shake for breakfast.
Around 10:30 am is where it all fell apart. It was time for a snack. Fruit and string cheese was in the fridge. But, Low-fat Peanut Butter crackers were in Tony's "goodie" basket. I ate the crackers.
My lunchbreak came. In the fridge there was roasted chicken, salad greens etc. There was also leftover pizza. I warmed up the pizza. It sucked. You'd think I'd learn.
My afternoon break came and so did a handful of Rolos and a 100 Calorie Slim-a-Bear ice cream treat. I was completely out of control. Later in the day I found some Sour Patch kids. I snacked on so much crap today that I don't even remember it all. What the heck was I thinking? I wasn't thinking.
Being Home Alone was a disaster for me today. Fortunately, it ended with a workout. Tomorrow is a new day.
Cheers!
Margaret
This is just a friendly reminder of how far I've come....
They say confession is good for the soul....
There's a lot to be said for the structure of a workday. The predictable ritual of it all makes timed meals an easy thing to do. I worked from home today because I was doing some online training and my cubicle is not conducive to working in solitude. Anyway, I started the day off right. My usual Myoplex Shake for breakfast.
Around 10:30 am is where it all fell apart. It was time for a snack. Fruit and string cheese was in the fridge. But, Low-fat Peanut Butter crackers were in Tony's "goodie" basket. I ate the crackers.
My lunchbreak came. In the fridge there was roasted chicken, salad greens etc. There was also leftover pizza. I warmed up the pizza. It sucked. You'd think I'd learn.
My afternoon break came and so did a handful of Rolos and a 100 Calorie Slim-a-Bear ice cream treat. I was completely out of control. Later in the day I found some Sour Patch kids. I snacked on so much crap today that I don't even remember it all. What the heck was I thinking? I wasn't thinking.
Being Home Alone was a disaster for me today. Fortunately, it ended with a workout. Tomorrow is a new day.
Cheers!
Margaret
This is just a friendly reminder of how far I've come....
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Promises... Promises
Day 219
I know they say that promises are made to be broken. But, I'll be damned if I'm going to break a promise less than 24 hours after I've made it.
Our day began with a trip to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast. Then, we headed north up I-65 to Bowling Green, Kentucky to visit the National Corvette Museum. I had a picnic planned. But, it was derailed by the call of a Burger. That's the beauty of Free day. It's FREE! :)
After our whirwind trip to see some cool cars and partake of the local culinary scene, I was in desparate need of a nap. It was suposed to be an hour. It was closer to three. I had a choice to make. I could say "oh well" on the exercise front and try again tomorow. Or, I could pull out the trusty Wii Fit and grab a workout while the hubs was out picking up our Pizza and DVDs.
I chose the Wii Fit! I can go to sleep with my dignity in tact tonight. That is, if I ever go to sleep. Did I mention that I took a three hour nap this afternoon?
As I mentioned, this was free day. It was, in fact, the last "free" food day between now and Bristol race weekend. I hit all the bases including a Pepcid just a few minutes ago because I'm sure that my stomach is going to rebel after the day of food debauchery I've had. Tomorrow, it's back to pristine clean foods. I've got it all planned out. But, tonight, it's all about some Jet's Pizza and a DVD with my favorite fella.
Cheers!
Margaret
PS - I kept my promise to blog today too. I'm two for two. :)
I know they say that promises are made to be broken. But, I'll be damned if I'm going to break a promise less than 24 hours after I've made it.
Our day began with a trip to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast. Then, we headed north up I-65 to Bowling Green, Kentucky to visit the National Corvette Museum. I had a picnic planned. But, it was derailed by the call of a Burger. That's the beauty of Free day. It's FREE! :)
After our whirwind trip to see some cool cars and partake of the local culinary scene, I was in desparate need of a nap. It was suposed to be an hour. It was closer to three. I had a choice to make. I could say "oh well" on the exercise front and try again tomorow. Or, I could pull out the trusty Wii Fit and grab a workout while the hubs was out picking up our Pizza and DVDs.
I chose the Wii Fit! I can go to sleep with my dignity in tact tonight. That is, if I ever go to sleep. Did I mention that I took a three hour nap this afternoon?
As I mentioned, this was free day. It was, in fact, the last "free" food day between now and Bristol race weekend. I hit all the bases including a Pepcid just a few minutes ago because I'm sure that my stomach is going to rebel after the day of food debauchery I've had. Tomorrow, it's back to pristine clean foods. I've got it all planned out. But, tonight, it's all about some Jet's Pizza and a DVD with my favorite fella.
Cheers!
Margaret
PS - I kept my promise to blog today too. I'm two for two. :)
Friday, August 6, 2010
So Much To Do... So Little Time
Day 218
These days I seem to be struggling to fit it all in. I find myself spending too much time doing things I hate and not enough time doing the things I love. (Writing this blog being one of them).
This past week has been grueling. I came home after my workout Monday and worked on a project until 2 am which meant I was basically ruined on Tuesday. Plus, I was so sore from Monday's workout with the evil Larry Martin that I could barely move. Actually, Larry isn't evil. He's quite fit and one of my BFFs. But, trying to keep up with him definitely forced me to UP my game. Perhaps that's a sign that I should workout with him and my husband more often.
Speaking of my husband, he's been working out with Larry for about a month and I have to say that I'm VERY IMPRESSED with the muscles he's building. Gitty Up. My baby has always been sexy. But, he's bringing something extra to the mix these days. I love it! (sorry... I got off track). Let me wipe this drool from my keyboard...
Ok... What was I talking about? Oh yes... Grueling week. Let's just say I'm glad it's Friday and I'm looking forward to this afternoon's workout. No... really... I am! In 13 short days I'll be heading to Bristol, Tennessee for another race weekend. It will be filled with lots of fun, friends, food and alcohol. I plan to be the model of clean eating and exercising behavior until then so that I can indulge without guilt.
So, for all of you who have been missing my daily posts, I hearby promise to post daily until we leave for Bristol. I ask that you keep me honest. I have decided that I'm going to eat 80% clean until then. (I have 12 days til depature so I'm allowing myself 1 and only 1 free day between now and then.) It's going to be super hard. You might remember that I mentioned a few weeks back that I've allowed some of the junk back into my life. I can tell a difference in the way that I feel and I DON'T LIKE IT ONE BIT. I also commit to working out every single day until the day we leave. That is also going to be super hard. HOLD ME TO IT!
To that end, today's meal plan is as follows:
(Note: M1 = Meal 1 etc.)
Meals:
M1: Myoplex Ready to Drink Shake
M2: Fruit and String Cheese
M3: Pick Two from Panera (Low Fat Chicken Tortilla Soup and 1/2 Turkey Sandwich)
M4: 1 small apple and 1 tbls Natural Peanut Butter
M5: Shrimp Tacos (Made from an Eat Clean Magazine Recipe)
Workout:
20 Minutes Elliptical Machine
Upper Body Workout (Chest, Shoulders, Back, Biceps, Triceps)
Water:
1 Gallon (gulp)
These days I seem to be struggling to fit it all in. I find myself spending too much time doing things I hate and not enough time doing the things I love. (Writing this blog being one of them).
This past week has been grueling. I came home after my workout Monday and worked on a project until 2 am which meant I was basically ruined on Tuesday. Plus, I was so sore from Monday's workout with the evil Larry Martin that I could barely move. Actually, Larry isn't evil. He's quite fit and one of my BFFs. But, trying to keep up with him definitely forced me to UP my game. Perhaps that's a sign that I should workout with him and my husband more often.
Speaking of my husband, he's been working out with Larry for about a month and I have to say that I'm VERY IMPRESSED with the muscles he's building. Gitty Up. My baby has always been sexy. But, he's bringing something extra to the mix these days. I love it! (sorry... I got off track). Let me wipe this drool from my keyboard...
Ok... What was I talking about? Oh yes... Grueling week. Let's just say I'm glad it's Friday and I'm looking forward to this afternoon's workout. No... really... I am! In 13 short days I'll be heading to Bristol, Tennessee for another race weekend. It will be filled with lots of fun, friends, food and alcohol. I plan to be the model of clean eating and exercising behavior until then so that I can indulge without guilt.
So, for all of you who have been missing my daily posts, I hearby promise to post daily until we leave for Bristol. I ask that you keep me honest. I have decided that I'm going to eat 80% clean until then. (I have 12 days til depature so I'm allowing myself 1 and only 1 free day between now and then.) It's going to be super hard. You might remember that I mentioned a few weeks back that I've allowed some of the junk back into my life. I can tell a difference in the way that I feel and I DON'T LIKE IT ONE BIT. I also commit to working out every single day until the day we leave. That is also going to be super hard. HOLD ME TO IT!
To that end, today's meal plan is as follows:
(Note: M1 = Meal 1 etc.)
Meals:
M1: Myoplex Ready to Drink Shake
M2: Fruit and String Cheese
M3: Pick Two from Panera (Low Fat Chicken Tortilla Soup and 1/2 Turkey Sandwich)
M4: 1 small apple and 1 tbls Natural Peanut Butter
M5: Shrimp Tacos (Made from an Eat Clean Magazine Recipe)
Workout:
20 Minutes Elliptical Machine
Upper Body Workout (Chest, Shoulders, Back, Biceps, Triceps)
Water:
1 Gallon (gulp)
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